No Return
by too-old-to-love-jake
Summary: Sequel to Breakthrough, Jake, Bella and daughter Arden, are settling into a new life in a new place. Moving to Astoria, Oregon only six months ago, the Blacks are in for a few surprises as they realize they're not the only family in town with secrets.
1. Chapter 1: Five Years Later

**Story Summary:**

**No Return is the sequel to my first fic Breakthrough. If you haven't read it**

Bella and Jacob have taken on a new path in their life. Along for the ride is bouncy, energetic, raven-haired, Arden. The Blacks are moving from La Push to the sleepy little town of Astoria, Oregon. Because of his success in La Push, Jacob will take on the prestigious role of becoming the Administrator of Adult Education and Literacy for the city. After the family is settled, and their first summer is spent in their new home, Bella will begin teaching at the local High School while little Arden attends Kindergarten. In her first week as a high school teacher Bella will be faced with a familiar face in her creative writing class, causing her to question the duration of her family's life in this new place. All the while, Jacob will be approached with some career altering opportunities that would prevent the family from leaving. Unfortunately for Jacob there will be a complication causing his birthright to resurface.

* * *

The Cullen's have recently reunited and their family unit is stronger than ever, especially with the addition of Dexter – a vampire who's natural gift is an exquisite amount of genius. Carlisle and Edward are working alongside the peculiar Dexter on a privately funded, top secret research project that could ultimately change the vampire life as it is known. Their scientific breakthrough is close at hand and trying to keep their work a secret from not only the general population, but the Volturi as well, will prove to be problematic. In the meantime, Edward has attached onto another human, and his love for her is growing daily. His feelings cause him to question his love for Bella, allowing him to believe that, perhaps, he was capable of falling in love again. Realizing the void in his existence has opened up a whole new determination in his pursuit of true love. If the project is successful, then the complications of his relationship with Bella will no longer exist and he can allow himself to love freely. Unfortunately, for Edward, there is a new complication that he hasn't calculated- a sweet scent, singing only for him, could change his course forever.

**A/N:**

**Just to clarify the next installment of my story is to simply continue Bella and Jacob's life TOGETHER, as well as catch up with the Cullens. This story is 100% Bella and Jacob – happily ever after. There will be times when you are completely and utterly annoyed with both of those respective characters but ultimately they are together. No IMPRINTING – I hate the concept. So it's not happening. As always the storyline will be contingent on reader involvement, opinions, suggestions and anything else you can offer. So let me reiterate the importance of reviewing. The focus for the story as I have outlined to chapter 10 will be on the new characters, and the Cullens. We didn't get a lot of Cullen's in Breakthrough, but since this story is centered around their role as vampires, I will be exploring them more in depth**. It's going to be a crazy ride, but stick with it.

**Live720 is my beta bb for this story, and I adore her muchos!!!!! **

**Chapter 1: Five Years Later**

Disclaimer: I do not possess any ownership/investment into the Twilight Saga. No copyright infringement intended. Any other uses of copyrighted/trademarked or recognizable characters/settings/references/etc are not intended maliciously or as infringement. This story is strictly for entertainment value, no profit is being made by this work.

Arden ~ Latin word meaning "great forest" also the name of Shakespeare's forest in "As You Like It"

**~~**~~**~~**~~*Prologue*~~**~~**~~**~~**

History has taught us that in 49 B.C., Caesar started a war by crossing a point of no return called the Rubicon River. I supposed at some time or another we have all had our own Rubicon to cross. It's the place where you are met with impossible decisions and irrevocable commitments. When the sum of your life is crashing around you, questioning everything you are, threatening everything you've ever wanted. The choice you make will change your course forever and there is absolutely no going back. This place, this Rubicon, is the point of no return.

I never had a real expectation of that happening. Some things are a certainty, like death, sickness and natural disasters. Those things are to be expected, and although there's no real amount of preparation that will ever be enough, there's still the fact that you knew it was a possibility-even if the odds were small.

But _this _test of my will was completely a blind slide. It really never occurred to me that I would be faced with evaluating my life, but that's where it had taken me, and that's where I had the most to lose. It was sink or swim, and the Rubicon was raging wildly.

I was fortunate to classify my single human existence into two very separate lives. As unorthodox as that seems, I considered it a blessed gift. Many people live their one expected life and never find the amount of love that I had been given.

My first life was spent, remarkably, in love with Edward. A love only dreamed about by the most vivid imagination possible. A magical, unbelievable whir of a romance, and when it couldn't be and he left, I died. That part of my life ended, leaving me shattered, wounded, and dead.

It was in that state Jacob found me. He didn't just resurrect me, as it would appear. What he did for me far surpassed just allowing me a fresh start or a do-over. My new life began when I acknowledged my love for Jake. Like flowers in the spring I became new, and better. I began to breathe new air; my heart began to beat to a different rhythm. The person I was before faded, and he helped me to become the person that I always wanted to be.

The past was the past, and my past was on the surface of my heart forgotten and in the depths of my soul buried. I had promised myself that I would never revisit that life, and I was able to keep it. After all, I had no need or desire to go back. I was too busy enjoying my new life and loves to ever realize that some things may have never dissolved.

The difference between the two was simple…longevity. Edward was a part of me for just a short season, but Jake forever. He's the calm in the midst of a gale, he's the rainbow after the rain, he's the light in darkness, and he's a port in a storm.

I had forgotten that first life. Memories lost somewhere along the way of making new ones. I hadn't forgotten out of bitterness or anger, I simply had no need to remember that life. And after all of that time, after moving on, breathing fresh air, sprouting new leaves, and loving who I was, my two lives had finally collided placing me at the edge of the Rubicon.

* * *

**Three months earlier… **

I closed the cover of 'Goodnight Gorilla' for the second time in as much as ten minutes. It was a favorite and we both knew the words by heart. As I did every night, I mentally noted that I needed to buy a new copy of the treasured story since the pages were tattered almost beyond recognition. The small book held such sentimental value, even in its deteriorated state; I could never bring myself to actually replace it.

I placed the book on the bed table and patted the little head lying on my chest, silently wondering how I deserved to be so fortunate. My heart filled with an unexplainable love and devotion every time those tiny little arms wrapped around me. My life was complete.

"You brushed your teeth, right?" I asked, fully knowing the answer. It was a fun game to see what creative way Arden would dance around the truth. She would never overtly lie. She was too good and honest like her father, I supposed. But, she definitely flirted with minor untruths from time to time.

"I did this morning," she said sheepishly. Aha, the "truth as it does not apply to the current situation" tactic_._ _Clever_, I thought.

"To the bathroom," I gently scolded.

"But I want another story," she pouted, using her best stalling method.

"No, brush your teeth and then it's off to sleepy land you go."

"But...I want to kiss Daddy goodnight." _Again with the stalling_, I thought. Charlie was right; she did have a recognizable stubborn streak in her. I definitely had my work cut out for me.

"Daddy isn't home yet, but as soon as he walks in the door he will come straight up to your room to give you a goodnight kiss."

"But...," the little deviant protested. A battle of wills was a certainty at bedtime. Although mostly exhausting, it was sometimes fun to watch her test her boundaries.

"Tomorrow is your first day of Kindergarten; you want to be well rested for all of that fun," I reminded her.

"T'morra is your first day of kite school," she sang out as she bounced off the bed and scooted into the hallway.

"Um, that's high school. And yes tomorrow will be my first day of high school," I called out behind her. High school classes would not begin for two more days, but I was spending those days working on my classroom and lesson plans. I was the new Creative Writing teacher at one of the smaller schools in Astoria. _Knappa High School_, total attendance 200. This new direction had me somewhat on edge. Who would've thought that the one place that had brought me the most misery in my adolescence would be the one place that I would choose as my profession. Irony at its best. I wasn't new to teaching, but I was new to teaching in a high school setting.

As I sat on the edge of her bed, listening to the water run from the sink faucet, I mentally revisited those days of my youth. Most of them marred with memories of awkward, embarrassing, and often times, injurious moments. My thoughts were disrupted when a flash of pink cotton and silky black braids barreled into me at lightning speed, catapulting me across the bed and onto the floor. My beautiful angel-faced doll had the speed and strength of her father, and the grace and poise of her mother. It was a brutal combination. When I picked myself from off the floor, I was met by two dark brown eyes wide with anticipation. She was trying to read me, to see if I was upset or okay. I stilled for just a moment, not showing any sign of emotion. Her eyes, if possible, widened further and she moved closer to the safety of her pillows. I let a small grin escape, which resulted into ear piercing giggling from the little monster. I scooped her up into my arms, and gave her a million kisses, finally placing her back into bed between the covers.

"Now it's good night for you, little cub."

"Goodnight, Gorilla," she giggled, hiding her face with the corner of her polka dot comforter.

I closed the door behind me, leaving a small crack and made my way downstairs. The endless amount of chores expected of a mother was mind boggling. I opted to wash a load of laundry, and left the handful of dishes in the sink until morning.

The house was eerily quiet, and I took advantage of the peace to check my email. The first one was from my mother.

_Hey baby girl, hope all is well. How's my precious butterfly? Tell her Gran is very proud of her for being a big girl. Smooches and Hugs for all of you. Renee._

I typed a quick response, and attached a picture I had taken earlier in the day. Spaghetti was one of Arden's favorite foods, and with her amount of independence, it made for some interesting messes. I knew Renee would love it and that it would be the perfect addition to her digital scrapbook dedicated solely for Arden.

Renee loved being a _gran_, and she unbelievably fit the role well. Both she and Charlie fell completely in love with the dimpled darling, spoiling her ridiculously. Of course one look into those deep brown eyes and the iciest heart would melt. Our move from La Push, to Oregon was heartbreaking for Charlie, but he seemed to be managing fine with just the monthly visits, always accompanied by Papa Billy. In all of his years as sheriff, he never really took any time off. So he had an unbelievable amount of vacation time stockpiled that he used to see his grandchild. Because I only spent summers with Charlie, I guess I never really saw what an exceptional father he really was. He didn't have the ability to communicate very well with adults, but he had a special way with Arden. In some small way I felt like he was making up for lost time, giving to her what he wanted to give to me, but was never allowed the opportunity.

Arden looked forward to her grandfather's visits and incessantly talked about fishing with Poppy and Pa. Our move had been especially hard for her in the beginning, leaving the comfort of La Push, and her grandfathers and cousins. We had a tightly woven family, but it was a sacrifice worth making. Jacob was happy, doing what he loved to do, and I believed the situation would be temporary. He was, in fact, still very much involved with the reservation and La Push as an adviser for the council, and of course the community relied heavily on his tribal wisdom and influence. It would just be a matter of time before he had Astoria's program developed and running, and then I hoped we could move back home.

The next few emails were mostly promotional offers for things I didn't use or need, and I sent them to the junk bin. Before I could move on down the list I heard the ding of the dryer, and went to finish my chore.

At a little past ten, I succumbed to the pleas of my body and allowed exhaustion to overtake me. I sank into bed, as the internal warfare of my mind and body began. Like most nights, I lingered between a sound sleep and my minds regurgitation of reminders of things I was unable to accomplish throughout the day. Those pesky tasks of random items I needed to add to my shopping list, or chores I was unable to finish, or calls I failed to make. I had already went through the list of things I needed to do tomorrow-call the plumber, buy eggs and butter, wash the dishes in the sink-and was slowly dissolving into a peaceful slumber. It was in that crucial state that I felt a warm lump fall beside me in the bed.

"Bella, are you asleep?" I heard the whisper somewhere in the vicinity of my ear.

"Ugh," is all I could manage to utter out. I drifted back to semi consciousness, but before I could procure my place, I felt a warm hand on the inside of my thigh followed by tiny kisses on my ear.

Once my body signaled that I was awake-at least in theory-the thoughts began to race again. I muttered something about fabric softener and yearly shots for our family cat.

"Bella," his voice rang out against my confused thoughts and I snapped from my delusional to-do list to realize that my husband was now home.

"Jake," I said sleepily.

"I missed you, baby," he said pushing his body against mine; his intentions were all too evident.

Moving away from him I protested. "I need sleep."

"Well you can sleep, I'll entertain myself," he retorted as his hands glided up and down my body delicately.

Knowing how unrelenting he could be, I rolled myself over. It only took one quick look at his face in the dim light to awaken my senses. I saw his eyes full of hunger and his smile full of love. I really was the luckiest person in the world.

"I missed you, baby," he repeated in between soft kisses to my neck and ear. I wasted no time with idle chatter, and met him passionately with my lips on his. He responded as he always did. His taste, his touch, his warmth were completely mind numbing, and after all of these years that had never changed.

Like every other night of our union, I slept in the cradle of Jacob's arms, listening to the lullaby of his heart resonating softly in my ear. The best part of everyday rested in knowing that it would end with a tranquil peaceful sleep in the arms of the man I loved. It was that solace that made every tomorrow worth facing.


	2. Chapter 2: Unexpected

**Disclaimer: I have no ownership to Twilight. No copyright infringement intended. **

**Thank you all for favoriting this story, and reviewing. I'm very pleased with the response. And thanks to Live720 for betaing, and thank you to Miss Bratt and Mombailey for their willingness to read over my stuff. **

**If any of you are interested in receiving teasers via email, pm me your email address and I'll send you teasers before every chapter. **

**Chapter 2: Unexpected**

I felt a light, but encouraging squeeze on my shoulder as I hesitantly walked into the brightly colored class room. In my mind, I pictured a little blue train saying, "I think I can, I think I can." I had read enough children's books in the last five years that their positive morals and reassurance values had dissolved all of my good sense.

Today was a monumental day for our family, and I was an emotional mess as the scene unfolded. Pride and happiness filled my heart as I saw the transformation of my baby girl becoming a big girl. I smiled at the sight of an over-sized purple backpack weighted by crayons, markers, paper, scissors and glue being hoisted from her tiny frame and given to the adult that was now her daily caregiver. Miss Kasey had certainly made an impression on me when I met her last week during K-Day. Arden seemed to like her as well, and I could tell by the fascinating class room that her teaching methods incorporated a lot of imagination and hands-on fun. I was optimistic about the environment in which my child would be in everyday. My heart, however, was in pieces as this milestone passed by too quickly.

"Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Black," she greeted us enthusiastically. She was so sure and confidant, and I was amazed that she was only beginning her second year of teaching. I supposed facing a room full of eager five year olds was a little less intimidating than facing a room full of hormone driven teenagers. With that thought, a bout of crying and hysteria erupted in the corner and Miss Kasey excused herself to assess the problem. I pushed away the former thought and bent down to tell Arden goodbye.

"Arden, I'm so proud of you. Make sure to eat all of your lunch, okay? And have a nice day," I rattled off in a strained voice while trying to hold back the sea of tears begging to be released.

"Show 'em how smart you are little wildflower," Jacob said as he squatted down to eye level with our precious daughter. I feared the goodbye and I could tell Jacob did too. We saw other kids crying as their parents left, and we were prolonging this part of the day. Miss Kasey had explained the transition time could sometimes be drawn out and that we just had to be patient. She said some kids adjust quicker than others and that there was no magic formula. She assured us that crying would almost always stop once the parent was out of sight.

We reached out to give her once last hug before leaving her. My stomach was in knots, fearing that she would cry and beg us not to leave. I wasn't sure I had the courage to leave her in that fragile of a state. _I think I can. I think I can._

She stretched out her little arms toward us. _Here it comes_, I thought. I'm not ready for this.

"Love you," she said in a mad rush, giving us a quick hug, and then fleeing as if she was running from dinosaurs. Jake and I turned to exchange a puzzled look before standing up. I was relieved that my child had such bravery, and then I felt punched in the stomach realizing that she probably wouldn't even miss me which hurt maybe just a little bit more.

Lingering longer than necessary, I left the classroom at Jake's insistence just as Arden began chatting away with the other children. I waved goodbye, but went unnoticed. Walking away my heart fluttered and I paused, turning to get one last glimpse at my baby just to make sure she was still there. Two pink polka dot hair bows bounced into view as my princess skipped hand-in-hand, with a new friend to the reading carpet. Arden embodied courage and bravery. In my heart I sensed her moving gradually out from under the shelter of my wings, to which I felt both proud and shattered.

"She's going to be fine." He brushed the lone tear that had escaped my eye, and stroked my hair gently from my face. Jacob was always the strong one of our unit. He held me together, even when all of the pieces didn't fit just right. His love was amazing. _Port in a storm_.

"Well, Mrs. Black, now are you ready for your first day? You know, I could walk you to class and then later we could go behind the bleachers and make out." He was trying to lighten the mood, and I could tell deep down he was just as nervous as I was.

"I'm not really one of those girls. I choose to be mysterious and brooding," I said teasing.

"Oh, you mean hard to get?"

"You didn't seem to have a problem," I barked.

"Now that would depend on who you ask." I had to laugh; I had made Jacob jump through many fire filled hoops before finally settling down. His patience with me was unending.

"I have to be at school by nine," I said informatively as we approached the car.

"Then I suppose a trip behind the bleachers is out. You know if my high school teachers had been as hot as you, I might've actually learned something."

"I doubt it. I seemed to recall you with other things on your mind."

* * *

My first official task as a Lincoln High teacher was working on my lesson plan for the month. Dutifully, I entered the data into the laptop adorning my desk. I was amazed at the merge of technology in the classroom. The large monitor behind my desk displayed electronic workbooks, instructions, class notes or any other message I needed to convey. Four rows of desks in front of me each one equipped with a state of the art _Minipax_-the latest in academic technology. Class assignments, tests, tardy slips and even disciplinary warnings could be administered during class through these computers. Teaching had become a virtually paperless job and I was beginning to feel like just a warm body capable of stroking a few keys.

Once I had my lesson plan in place, I began to work on my student seating assignments. Because of the technology integration, each student was assigned a specific desk. I had to assign each student to their computer and issue them a unique password.

I worked on the seating chart for my first block class and posted the results on the bulletin board outside the classroom room door. Given the layout of the room, the old corkboard seemed primitive, but I welcomed the character it brought to my classroom. The day was quickly getting away from me and I wasted no time getting back to work on the next block. I started, once again, alphabetically assigning the twenty students their seats. I would be relieved to be finished with the formal aspects of the job. Creative writing was a lesser structured environment with more liberties than the average classroom. I strived to make this class enjoyable and less institutional than the rest of high school.

_Row 1: Abbott, Bale, Bradshaw, Butler_

_Row 2: Carter, Chambers, Cullen..._

_Cullen_. I looked the name over. Could it be? No, of course not. The odds had to be one in a million. I looked at it again. _Cullen_. How? Why? What would Astoria have to offer a family of vampires? Dying of curiosity, I was left with no other choice. With just one click I was able to pull the profile from the school's database. I slowly came unhinged as the monitor began loading information that could impact my life substantially. In the five seconds it took to display the information my mind ran through the hundreds of scenarios that would be played out if what I feared was actually true. And then the download was complete. In front of my very eyes was the confirmation to my suspicions, an actual Cullen was enrolled in my class. I nearly fainted as I read the information aloud.

**_"Cullen, Alice. Transferred from Jefferson High School, Juneau, AK. GPA 4.0. Emergency contacts: Carlisle and Esme Cullen."_**

I took in as much air as my lungs could hold and then released it slowly. There was no mistake; I was living in the same city as the Cullen's. Alice was to be a student in my class. I laughed at the absurdity that was my life I slowly released the breath, and closed my eyes, pushing back memories that I hadn't allowed to surface for years. In the midst of them was his face. It was that face at one time that I lived for, that I desperately sought after, that I fought so hard to remember. If I Alice was here it was a safe assumption that Edward wasn't too far behind, possibly a student at Knappa High. Although forgiven and forgotten, I wasn't sure if I could be willing to share my life in any aspect with Edward. The raging conflict swelled inside of me, and with each passing moment I was increasingly becoming sicker.

I debated on telling Jake. I didn't expect him to be upset, but I knew that a Cullen could potentially complicate our lives here, especially if that Cullen was Edward. Not that Edward was a threat to my relationship with Jake, but in a situation of that magnitude I hardly doubted either one of them to let bygones be bygones. They were natural enemies, and the reality of the situation was a tremendous concern. I wasn't sure how to soften the blow, and I decided to wait until the first day of school just to guarantee my suspicions to be true. A lot could happen before then, things could change. The circumstances could be different. I never saw Alice, or any of the Cullen's, as a threat. No need to panic now, except for the obvious need to panic.

"Are you okay?" Jake asked me at the dinner table. It was the first evening meal we had shared as a family in over a week. His work at the Learning and Career Center usually kept him long past normal dinner hours. But as he became more acclimated with his role, he was becoming a more permanent fixture at home, and that was at least some relief.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I guess I'm just a little nervous about meeting my students." I felt a little relieved to say something of pure honesty after hiding the dreadful secret from him. I hadn't outwardly lied, but I was withholding information, and I felt just as guilty.

"Tomorrow will be fine. You worry too much, Bells."

_If you only knew_, I thought as a sigh escaped my mouth.

"Taylor said that girls stink in the sunshine," Arden interrupted. Taylor was a classmate, and an arch nemesis of sorts. It was obvious that he and Arden liked each other, but because of the whole boys are gross and girls have cooties thing, couldn't be friends.

"That's not true is it daddy? The sunshine don't make me stink, sweat does."

_Ah, dinner conversation with a five year old._

I felt completely whole with my family. No amount of love was greater than the love I possessed for my husband and child. If I was going to get through the upcoming storm I had to rely on their love.

* * *

I spent way too much time on introductions and the fundamentals of the creative process. I supposed I didn't want my first block to end, hence the incessant babbling and the droning on of useless information. I hoped my first impression wasn't as bad as I thought and that these students would actually want to come back tomorrow.

The bell rang and my students hurried out the door. In just a few moments my room began to fill with laughter and talking, first day excitement evident on their faces. I tried to greet each one of them as they entered the room, nervous about one in particular. The impending situation would be awkward; my one time best friend was now my student. A student that held a life altering secret, and I knew it like it had been burned into my heart with a soldering iron. There was no textbook manual in the world that could help address this unique situation, so I would have to face it head on. I watched the second hand as it passed by uncomfortably. The bell would be ringing any second and almost all of the seats were full. I wondered where Alice was. I glanced outside through the window to see that the sun was hidden by dark clouds. The weather was not keeping her. But, then it hit me. Of course, Alice must have had a vision. She surely saw this situation and had done what she needed in order to avoid it altogether. I assumed she had requested a schedule change, or the entire family may have packed up and left town. I breathed a sigh of relief, and then affirmed the swelling disappointment in my heart. Some piece of me was happy to think that Alice might be a part of my life once again.

I closed the door as the bell rang. Noticing the empty chair, I introduced myself to the students and proceeded to narrate the presentation of the class syllabus that was displayed on the giant plasma screen behind me. I turned briefly to reset the monitor. I needed a few seconds just to clear my head, and pull myself together. The resurrection of memories had proved to be overwhelming. But all of that was in the past; it was a long time ago. So long ago, in fact, that it may not have existed at all. I cleared my throat, ready to get started. And when I turned back around the seat that was empty just a moment ago was now occupied.

I gasped in response to the unblemished beauty that had silently entered my classroom. _It really happened. They really do exist,_ I thought. My memories had been buried far too long, for Alice was mesmerizing and magnificent, more exquisite than I could have ever imagined. I locked on her golden eyes, and saw shock and surprise in them. It was not an emotion that Alice normally would wear, and it certainly stood out among her flawless features.

I wanted to run to her, relive all the memories we had shared, to catch her up on my life. But, I realized that I had to forget that I had known her at all. That was the past, a different life. A life that, in that moment, I realized I was forbidden to remember.

"Miss Cullen, I presume," I announced.

"I apologize for being tardy, Mrs. Black," she sang. "I'm still new and finding my way around."

"Very well," I acknowledged. The lie was carefully covered by her sweet, delicate words. I had to be careful to protect her secret. Was I ready to live my life wrapped up in secrets?

Alice smiled and nodded her acceptance, still in obvious shock over my presence. Was I intruding on her life, or was she intruding on mine? Was it an intrusion at all? Could we coexist without any complications? So many questions soared through my mind, and I'm not sure how long I had stood in front of my class without speaking. By the blank looks on several faces, I decided that it must have been awhile. I cleared my throat and continued on with my mundane speech of classroom etiquette and creative writing 101. Soon enough the forty minutes was over and class was dismissed.

Third block was my free period and I was heavily considering a pot of coffee to help me through the day. I listened as the students filed out of the room, and when silence fell upon my ears, I buried my face in my hands. I was on the verge of tears or worse. My apprehension was misplaced, and I couldn't reason why I was so discouraged by the Cullen's existence in my town. I had made amends with Edward. That chapter was closed. It really shouldn't matter anymore, but somehow, it did. It mattered a lot.

At one time I had loved their family as if it were my own. But the fear was insurmountable, if the Cullen's were here, than I was surely going to find trouble because of it. I simply felt at risk, and at what I didn't know.

"Bella." I looked up to see Alice. She was smiling kindly, but beneath the flawless grin was some resemblance of insecurity.

"Bella, I can't believe you're here. And...wow, you're a teacher!" she exclaimed. "What a coincidence, huh?"

"It would seem very unlikely that after all of this time we would end up in the same place. What brings you here?" I asked, not hesitating to getting to the point.

"Well, we moved here a few months back. Jas and I enrolled in high school to drown out some of the boredom."

"Understandable. No such thing as too much education," I joked. No other person in the history of time had as much education as the Cullen's. "You know though, Alice, I can't imagine what this place has to offer your family."

"It was actually Carlisle's decision," she replied, skirting the actual question. "So what has been up with you? You know, other than getting married and having this beautiful daughter," she squealed as she picked up the small family framed picture on my desk. "What's her name?"

"Arden," I replied proudly.

"You're very lucky."

"So, you didn't know I was here? You didn't see this happening; I mean you didn't have a vision?" I asked quietly, careful to keep her secret safe.

"No, not at all. I wasn't exactly looking for you. But this is a pleasant surprise, nonetheless. We have a lot to catch up on."

"So you plan to stay in my class?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I? I get to see my investment firsthand." She was right. Alice had given me the start I needed to succeed. I owed her tremendously for her help. I felt foolish for being uneasy about her arrival in my life. There had never been one intent of malice toward me by any of the Cullen's, including Edward. I could allow for their secret, I could protect it. I just had to find the appropriate balance.

"Well, I hope you're not too disappointed." With the initial reservations alleviated, I moved forward. I had opened myself up to a whole new uneasy curiosity. _Edward_. Where did he fit into all of this?

"Oh, Bella, you haven't changed at all."

She turned to leave and paused, looking me up and down. "I'm really proud of you, Bella, you seem put together and your clothes aren't half bad either."

"Thanks," I said, all the while debating if I should just ask about him. I needed to know. I needed to be prepared should I run into him. "Um, Alice, are the rest attending school."

"Not Edward." Completely understanding the insinuation behind my words she satisfied my lingering inquiry. "He and Carlisle are working on a research project," she answered the awaiting question in my mind. I accepted her reply, although evasive, and didn't press the matter further. Fate had brought Alice back into my life and I accepted it gladly. If Edward was to be a fixture into my life as well, then I would just wait for fate's intervention.

"Oh, I see."

"I really am looking forward to being in your class."

"Yeah, me too," I agreed.


	3. Chapter 3: New Beginnings

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it all...including me!**

**A/N**: Let me start by saying that I'm thoroughly overwhelmed by you guys. You are encouraging and promising. And all I want to do is write, write, write this story. Unfortunately, I have a real life which is getting in the way. Ohhhh…me. Anyway, I appreciate your patience in between updates. Now that the holidays are behind us, hopefully life will calm down a bit and I can focus on this.

Let me take a moment to seriously thank my beta Live720. I know she's super busy and I truly appreciate her taking the time out to make my junk readable. If you haven't (although I'm sure you have) go read her stories, and also if you're voting for the SOB awards Live Journal vote for her story "Fall For You" it's nominated for OC (original character).

The other people who are fortunate enough to be forced miserably into reading over every idea, every sentence and every word that I type concerning this story- mombailey, my hubby is no Edward, and Miss__Bratt. These bb's are mucho wonderful. They keep me straight and keep this story from exploding into senselessness.

If any of you have free time and would like to bounce around some ideas, pm me. Cause I'm sure those ladies above would like a break now and again.

Next order of business is music. You will notice I have no playlist for this story. I haven't really been inspired by any music, but if you know of something that seems perfect for one of the chapters, please let me know. I'm open to all suggestions.

**Chapter Notes:**

We're gonna take a break from the lives of the Blacks for a chapter. Chapter 3 will get us caught up on Edward, what he's doing five years later, and what his plans for the future include.

**No Return**

**Chapter 3: New Beginnings**

**From Edward's Point of View**

I resented the creature that I was for many reasons. I hated, with infinite passion, the wretched life that I was forced to remain a prisoner in forever. No amount of power, wealth, or knowledge could take away my antipathy for the sentence presented upon me by fate. The undying emptiness and desolation brought about an unimaginable frustration with never a shred of relief in sight. I never had the advantage of dreams to take me away, even if momentarily. No rest, no sleep, only the isolation of my heart, my misery, and my punishment.

Like dozens of times before in this pathetic excuse for a life, my family had settled down somewhere new, leaving us to inhabit a world that didn't understand us and refused to accept us. We started over, living among those who had what we could never. It was a monotonous cycle, and it was, to say the least, growing dull. Repetition of this magnitude was one of many extreme punishments for being what I was. For my kind there was no passage of time. It didn't matter. The rising and setting of the sun was simply an event, not a marker of days past, or days to come. There was no such thing. Time is nothing more than our captor and we are hostage to its cruel devices. Memories, hopes, dreams, all of them are obsolete, and the only good thing that I had ever found that could bring me those things was no longer mine.

_Bella_. Every thought in my mind brought me back to her. No matter how hard I tried to move away from it, run from it, hide it, I was always brought back to her memory. I didn't regret letting her go. She deserved life. I would not allow myself to feel pity for doing such a noble deed. It was my gift to her for allowing me to finally have some emotions running through me.

It was baffling to be associated with humane feelings after so many years of being empty. I had walked the earth for decades never perceiving humans as anything more than a menu entrée that I could not have. But, Bella changed all of that. She gave me a broader perspective and a purpose for continuance, and now that she was gone, in her place was the need to have those feelings she created, those simple emotions she evoked. For years, I thought it was simply Bella that I had missed, and to the greatest degree it was. But then as the truth presented itself more clearly, I realized that it was the absence of feelings altogether that I missed the most. I was hollow having sampled fulfillment and satisfaction. I needed that feeling again.

I didn't expect any other human to replace Bella. I wasn't looking for a replacement. I had lived with having only her memory to pacify me, but was it possible to find someone that could stir in my armored heart such feelings? Did I deserve to find this? I had punished myself for falling in love with Bella, for crossing the lines drawn between her kind and mine. I was constantly torn because I had put her life at risk time and time again, for hurting her, and for leaving her.

The obstacle I faced as I began down a familiar path was the knowledge that it would end badly. I had allowed myself to feel a shift through my heartless core, moving from complete pain and darkness to peace. Attaching myself to another human girl, I habitually lost all control and sanity. Unlike Bella, there was no attraction to the scent of her blood, no desire to protect her, no mystery behind the absence of her thoughts. What was this attraction that tormented me day and night? Did I seek her out because of companionship? Infatuation? Crazed lust? I couldn't navigate through the sea of reckless emotions to determine the source of my unrelenting need which only added to my intrigue. I tried to resist, but having learned my lesson with Bella, I knew resistance was futile. I was too weak. Consumed by a mixture of pain, and desire I was drawn more and more to this object of interest.

If Carlisle hadn't brought me here, perhaps this wouldn't have happened. Perhaps I'd still be allowing myself the pleasure of being miserable and carry out my deserved punishment for hurting Bella. I deserved misery. Carlisle's newest endeavor had never appealed to me, and I generally shied away from any project he was working on. His research in genetics and science was of no merit to me, but he had asked, and out of obligation I agreed. I could never repay Carlisle for forgiving me and for accepting me after the mistakes I made, and the risks I put on our family. Moving to Oregon was my one small token of appreciation, no matter how ridiculous the reasons were.

Astoria was now our home, and I spent my days in Carlisle's secret research lab on the campus at the Howard Institute High School. The sign out front stated, "The School for Tomorrow's Future." It was a private high school designed to offer advantages to students who had a special gift for science, and who, coincidentally, were pleasantly wealthy. I knew that the school was of a high prestige and only the most gifted and talented scholars were accepted.

Carlisle's basement lab was on the South end of campus, and in every aspect of the word, it was a dungeon, stereotypical Hollywood vampire lair minus the coffins. Because of the absurd secrecy of the work, Carlisle had bought a home within a mile proximity to the school, putting us closer to the natural population. The risks were higher than they had ever been. Living in the open was an extreme exposure. It wasn't customary for Carlisle to risk his family, our family, but he believed in this project. In his usual manner, he took the role of protector. Running underground from our home on State St. to the research lab at H.I was a tunnel. It was to protect the anonymity of our family and approximately a mile long. Legend tells that the tunnel originally existed in the event that if there was an attack on the school, the scientists could escape easily. The lab was rumored to have been created to research and create weapons of war during the 1980s. The tunnel had been closed off for more than twenty years when we opened it back up.

I didn't have the investment and hopes in the results of the research the way Carlisle did. Despite his enthusiasm for the 'project' I spent my time in the dungeon trying to get a glimpse of the outside world through the one lone window. My only contact to the human world that I so desperately needed to be part of was accessed through that window, and it was through that basement window that I saw her for the first time. She was having lunch in the courtyard alone. A smile crossed my face as I saw her fidget with the plastic covering her sandwich. I took in a breath, and even from my spot below the earth I could smell that it was peanut butter. _Revolting_. She sat intently looking at the sky, and the grass, and the flowers. The other students were consumed with their mindless conversations, or losing their verbal skills through the form of text messaging, but not her. No, she was content to enjoy the day for what it was. Her beautiful, silky blonde curls bounced wildly as the wind floated by. Growing annoyed, she grabbed a rubber band from her wrist and pulled the hair away from her face, revealing to me, the only other human besides Bella to appeal to me.

I ached to join her that day. My body willed itself toward her, betraying the lines once again. I wanted to know her favorite song, where she would attend college, her mother's name. I longed for anything that would confirm that she was real and not a concoction of my deranged mind. Had I finally lost it? Was mental instability even a possibility in vampires?

I was unable to make acquaintance with her that day. And when the opportunity never presented itself, I created one out of sheer madness. I had time to devise a plan. To carefully weigh all options and gauge the situations that was a possibility.

One thing was for certain, I couldn't allow her to know the secret. The secret had destroyed my life with Bella, and in the process nearly destroyed Bella. I had learned a great deal from that experience. I didn't wish to duplicate it. Was it possible to be involved with her and keep the secret hidden? Was I being fair to her?

It no longer mattered, because I had to speak to her, to touch her. I watched her for months, listened to her beautiful thoughts. They were very guarded and although I wanted to allow her some privacy, I couldn't help but intrude. I immediately recognized how unique she was. When I heard the thoughts of others, it came to me in conversation, as if they were speaking them out, laying everything out before me and hiding nothing. Her thoughts came to me set to a melody, a sweet tune to accompany the poetic musings of her mind. She was an enigma and to me she was beautiful. Her thoughts were resplendently encompassed in a beautiful bubble only slowly revealing pieces of herself to me. I learned she loved butterflies and the sky. She read her horoscope every morning but her faith in its accuracy was weak. She never ate breakfast, and her life was sustained by mostly coffee and candy.

At first I feared rejection; fully aware that time was crucial. I needed to wait for the right time to execute my plan. She was very accepting of my hospitality and didn't register any aversion to me. I assumed the influence to be because of the circumstances more than my actual personality, but I wouldn't be hindered because of a technicality. If she was responsive to me then I would persevere.

I excused myself from Carlisle's lab one April evening. The weather had turned fierce quickly, and the dark clouds would make a perfect cover. The rain pelted down vigorously as the heavy thunderstorm ensued. I walked the campus over, and discovered her coming from the library. A strong gust of wind ripped through bending the tree tops to their trunks. I watched as she clung to the stair rail for life on the verge of losing her footing. In a bout of mania I ran to her aide, grabbing her book bag, and dragging her down the steps and out of the rain. I was close to her, actually touching her. The surge of feelings was incredible. I breathed in her fragrance, freesia and violets. Nothing else mattered in that moment. The emptiness was being replaced with emotions, although reckless and completely depraved, but I ignored that only allowing the excitement to course through my body.

Her thoughts warned me that she was not sure of my intentions, but she liked the way I looked in the rain. I pulled her closer, and her mind went blank and heartbeat sped up. _A good sign_, I thought.

"You looked like you could use a hand," I said to her once we were in the safety of the breezeway awning. She looked me over in complete shock causing me to realize my ill-thought out plan might have been a failure. She looked confused, and her deep ocean blue eyes grew narrow as her expression began to change.

"Thank you," she replied, her face tensed with surprise. I could only think of redemption. I certainly didn't want to frighten her, not now anyway for that would come soon enough I feared.

"Edward Cullen," I extended my hand to her in a noble gesture offering her only the kindest expression and smile, the one that I had perfected over many decades of deceiving humans. It was the exact look that would offer comfort and ease. Her heartbeat slowed and she smiled through the drops of rain covering her face.

"Allison Scott," she finally said. Her warm hand fit snugly into mine and I immediately wanted to hold it forever. My cold flesh grazed against the skin covering her body in shivers. To my relief she mentally accused the wind and rain for the change in temperature, and unwillingly, I quickly released her.

"Nice to meet you, Miss Scott." I kept distance between us, trying not to alarm her.

"I've never seen you around before," she said quizzically.

"Yeah, I guess you haven't," I replied honestly, leaving out the part where I stayed holed up in a vampire's dungeon all day researching blood, only surfacing at night.

"It's a small school. I'm sure I would've noticed you," she said sharply. "You stand out."

"Really?" I couldn't conceal the overly huge smile on my lips. Was this an attempt at human flirting? Did she reciprocate my attraction? I searched her thoughts, but they were unclear, just a hum indicative of a lullaby.

"Well, you're not wearing glasses or a lab coat. You don't exactly fit the H.I. mold." She was certainly observant, and her thoughts once again were very guarded.

"Oh. I could say the same to you," I recovered, hoping to learn more about her and in the process and open up the shield of her mind.

"You sure could," she guffawed. "Are you new in town?"

"Yes," I said, not sure how to accurately answer her.

"Lucidity works well in conversation too, you know," she said scorching my insides with her casual friendly tone. I kept thinking how easy she was to talk to. The words could just flow without having to react or plan them.

"I suppose I like to remain a mystery," I replied with honesty keeping the mood light. She thought on that for a moment and as her lips turned up and parted she said, "Allusive is good. Like a myth."

"A myth. Yes, exactly," I agreed.

"Well, Edward, I'm certainly glad you found me today, although I think I could have made it. I've battled worse things than a little wind before."

My mouth formed into a deep smile and a laugh escaped my lips. I highly doubted that she had ever battled anything worse than vampires. Instead of parading around her like some fool, I should have left well enough alone. My good sense, however, was lost somewhere between her beautiful smile and the way her soaked hair clung against her skin.

"It's let up," she interrupted my thoughts and I realized that I wasn't aware of anything else but her presence. "The rain," she said giving further explanation.

"I guess it has," I agreed, silently hoping for another downpour just so I could have a few more seconds of her.

"I suppose I should be gracious and offer some form of repayment?" she asked, a tentative smile gracing her pert lips as she glanced down, timidly looking away from my piercing stare.

"Repayment? I asked, reading her thoughts and discovering her attempts at flirting."It seems like some form of retribution is in order."

"Name your price."

"A date," I responded as she anxiously rubbed her thumb across her book bag strap.

"I somehow thought you might say that," she eagerly said, dropping her hands to her sides and

* * *

Three nights later I met Allison at the Two Pals Pizzeria. She insisted on this place as it was her favorite. I was finding myself drawn to her in the most needful of ways. She was a mixture of high-energy, brooding dilemmas, and equivocal hope. I decided to tune her thoughts out and allow myself the surprise that was in her mind. It was always easier to react to humans because I knew what they were thinking, but I never really received any form of satisfaction from knowing their thoughts. It was incredibly gratifying to have her unveil them to me as she spoke, and what went unspoken would be left a mystery.

"So, Cullen, you never really said why you were at the H.," she mused as we sat in a corner booth in the back.

"Um...I'm helping my father on an independent research project funded by Dr. Howard."

"You're too young to be a scientist, plus you're not very geeky," she observed.

"I'm more of an assistant, and if that was a compliment then thank you," I replied, smiling at her, unable to stop myself from staring at her with a viscosity I couldn't keep at bay.

"Just stating the obvious," she said, her voice slightly shaky, evidently affected by the intensity of my gaze. Vampires often had that affect on human life, a predator easily luring his prey. Her cheeks flushed ever so slightly and I basked in the ease at which this minute detail had little power over me. My mouth had yet to fill with venom, the monster inside of me hidden in my darkest corner. "So are you a student as well? I would hope your assisting doesn't interfere with an actual education," she eventually continued in a mocked superior tone.

"Not this semester. It's really hard to get into the school," I answered casually. I needed to steer her thoughts away from me. The longer I could hide reality from her, the longer I would have with her. I vowed to myself that if and when she became suspicious, no matter what, I would have to let her go. It was a flawed plan to think I could forge a relationship built on lies and half-truths. But it was for her own protection.

"So I've heard. But you attended last semester elsewhere?" she inquired.

"Uh...yes," I said shortly. "So what brings you to H.I.?" I asked trying to skirt any interest she may have into my life.

"It's rude to answer a question with another question," she spat, even though her lips twitched as she fought off a smile.

"Sorry, but I felt like it was my turn to ask the questions," I retorted, reveling in the comfort of her company and the ease in which my lips naturally curved up on their own accord. My actions were not purposeful and forced, my mind was not occupied by my concentration on concealing my true nature. For the first time in years, I was comfortable in my own skin, in the person that I wanted to be.

"I concede,"she replied, her sweet voice pulling me out of my inner contemplations.

I was lost in the moment, in her smile and her laugh, when the footsteps of the waitress grew louder. I straightened myself and greeted her as nonchalantly as I could. We ordered our drinks and Allison ordered a large pie with some incredibly disgusting toppings on my behalf.

"Do you want the exciting or boring version?" she asked, resuming our conversation the moment the waitress left our sides.

"Which version will keep you here longer?"

"Don't play smooth with me, Romeo," she cheerfully said.

And just like that my ease was shattered. Just the simple word…_Romeo_…ignited a fury of memories in me. Was I betraying my love for Bella by being here, allowing myself the pleasures of this beauty in front of me. A huge weight sat on my chest equivalent to the discomfort of a small mountain.

"And the answer is both. Both versions together will keep me here the longest. No wonder you're just an assistant," she said teasing.

"Both it is," I responded, internally forcing Bella's memory from mind. I had suffered enough. Bella had moved on with her life and she was at peace, at least I hoped she was. I decided that I no longer needed to deprive myself of happiness. I was flying in the moment and if I was wrong to do so I would gladly accept the consequences should they come.

"We'll start with exciting since it's a complete fabrication anyway. My life genuinely lacks excitement in the worst way." I couldn't help but grin at her remark. She was sitting in a pizza joint with a vampire and she thought she lacked excitement. It was truly ironic.

She paused when the waitress came back with our drinks. "Sweet tea for the lady and a water for the gent," she announced reaching me the straws. I accepted graciously and gave one to Allison. She met my stare eagerly, and her eyes locked on mine as her hand grazed against was a definite swell of emotions transpiring between us, and in that moment I felt complete.

" Hmm... okay," she began as the waitress moved on to the neighboring booth. "I was alone on a beach in Maui when above me, out of nowhere, came a UFO." I laughed as she added sound effects and hand motions to animate her story. "I had to shield my eyes from the beams of light as the craft landed just inches from me. Just when I thought aliens would be coming to probe me or whatever it is aliens do to earthlings..." She paused to take in a breath and I noticed how lovely her complexion was in the dim lights of the restaurant. Her smooth skin so delicate and fragile, and yet she seemed every bit as strong as I was.

"Then Elvis steps out wearing a white and gold jumpsuit and tells me to saddle up and head west. So here I am."

I only looked at her as her story came to completion and was utterly disastrous.

"How'd I do?" she asked sympathetically fully aware of the sheer illogicality of it.

"Elvis?" I asked derisively.

"Who knew, right?"

"That was really...er... horrible," I acknowledged. Her face fell and her mouth opened wide in shock. "I never said I was story teller," she grinned.

"And you never should," I said keeping pace with the light humored banter.

"Dually noted. Okay on to the boring, aka truthful, version." The waitress set the pie between us and I flinched as the smell assaulted me. The smell made me reflexively gag and I faked a cough to cover my distaste, all the while smiling through the torment, hopeful not to alarm her.

"I'm on the edge of my seat," I finally declared playfully which garnered an over exaggerated eye roll. I propped my elbows on the table allowing my chin to rest into my palms giving her my undivided attention and trying to block the odor coming from the food on the table.

"I'm from a small town in North Carolina. Have you ever been to that state?" she asked placing a napkin in her lap.

I nodded my confirmation. In all actuality there were very few places I had not been to at some point or other in the last 120 years.

"Anyway I was labeled gifted early on. My parents took it to extremes beyond reasonable and acceptable means. I'm sure it was actually to the point of child abuse," she exaggerated. Before she continued she took a gulp of the sweet tea, sliding the clear glass of water closer to me. "By the time I was nine they had me enrolled into high school. I willfully got kicked out of every gifted program in the state. I was entered into academic competitions and constantly being thrown at the media as the small-town wonder child. They wanted to expose me to the world and all I wanted was to hide myself from it. Two years ago I applied to H.I. after I googled private schools on the West coast. The biggest attraction was that the school was in Oregon and my parents were not. I tested above the allowance in math and science and getting accepted was no problem. My parents were shocked at first that I applied without their consent. But once they realized how prestigious and honorable the H was they couldn't wait to get me here. They're expecting me to change the world or something and all I want to do is survive in it."

I allowed her words to absorb as the mood went from light to a more serious tone. She had opened up to me very easily and I felt very much connected to her. I sensed that she needed me emotionally almost as much as I needed her.

"So science is your thing?" I asked leaning into the table and trying hard not to breathe in the aroma coming from the pizza.

"No. I hate it. Music is my thing. I want life to just be an instrument waiting to be played and changing the beat when I want. I guess you don't really understand that."

"Actually I think that makes perfect sense. Why music?" I was completely mesmerized. Not only was I incredibly infatuated with her, we had so much in common.

"I have a photographic memory." Her declaration gutted me. I had read her mind so many times before and I never once would have guessed that. I relaxed back into the padded seat, watching her lips twist around the straw as she chewed the end in between our conversation.

"So getting through school is like…I have an all access pass. I can ace quizzes and exams because I have information cataloged in a photo in my mind. Because I don't actually work at obtaining the knowledge, I don't truly understand it or appreciate it. It's just there for me to relay when asked. Music is the only challenge I've ever really faced and it is the only thing I've ever found myself truly passionate about. It requires discipline and dedication and I'm in love with it."

"That's deeply incredible," I said in awe.

"I have never shared that with anyone else."

"Not even your parents?"

"Are you kidding? They believe I'm some child miracle. It would devastate them to know that I only have a photographic memory and I'm not actually special."

"Allison, everything about you is special."

Her cheeks turned a light pink, and she confidently offered me a thank you.

"What do you do when you're not in school?" I asked as the waitress came to clear the empty plates.

"I volunteer sometimes." Once again, I was shocked by her answer. Not only was she attractive, smart, brave and incredible, she was selfless too. Learning this little fact confirmed to me I had made the right decision by opting to not intrude upon her thoughts. This new information was the grandest of awards.

"Where?" I asked too eagerly.

"At an assisted living center."

"With old people?"

"Yes. Don't judge me. I feel I have a lot in common with them," she said defensively.

"I'm in complete admiration, no judgments. It seems like an odd fit, that's all. Shouldn't you be trying to save whales or polar bears?" I felt a little humor would keep me in her good graces, no matter how feeble the attempt.

"I grew up in social circles with my peers older than me. I never had any friends. I can't really relate to people my own age, so working with the elderly is, in a way, a very fulfilling experience. We're both alone and not one damn thing can change that."

"Well I hope you give me the chance to try."

_Three Months Later…_

"Alice, are you purposely avoiding me?" I inquired as I broke away from the antique baby grand piano. The long summer had finally ended, and the first day of school had brought me much hope. Allison was back on campus and I felt a sense of invigorating life around me. She was just as beautiful as I remembered. It was true; absence really does make the heart grow fonder. And I could tell from her musical thoughts she had missed me as well. Seeing her for the first time in three months had me unusually happy. I had resisted going to see her during the summer, trying to allow the relationship to develop naturally. It was incredibly painful but Allison needed space. I couldn't smother her or rush her. She needed freedom and independence, leaving me to settle for the occasional phone call or email. But she was back, and her presence gave me an optimistic outlook, almost as if I was getting a new beginning.

"Alice," I urged getting up from the bench and flanking her side.

"New music, Edward? You haven't written anything since…" she trailed off finishing her sentence in thought. There was an unspoken rule in our family, no one talked of or thought about Bella. There was never a problem among the other members of my family, they each respected my wishes. But Alice, was not as discreet, she held true to her vision of Bella becoming one of us, even now as she displayed Bella before me, shining in the sun.

"It's rude to answer a question with a question," I spat.

"Fine, I've been busy," she said grimaced. Her face looked blank, and I instantly knew she was deliberately hiding her thoughts from me. But for what reason, I didn't know.

"How's school?" I probed.

"Have you seen Rose?" she answered trying to change the course of my inquisition. She moved toward the back door and instantly was on the other side of the glass.

"Interesting," i said following her outside to the brick patio and Esme's garden.

"Edward, just leave me be, there are some thoughts that are private and you don't need to know everything. Trust me on this."

"Very well then," I conceded.

"Thank you. So what's got you playing?" she inquired again nodding toward the piano visible through the monstrous windows.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean?" I questioned, although I fully was aware of her implications. I hadn't stroked any ivory keys since I left Bella, but with Allison in my life now it was like I had a new muse-a new purpose.

"It's her, isn't it? You saw her today."

"Perhaps," I said coyly.

"Edward, I don't see her in your future?" Alice said concerned.

"Oh stop it, Alice, you sound like a carnival fortune teller. The future is subjective. She just hasn't made up her mind," I retorted.

"It's forbidden you know," she said, implying of my relationship with a human. When it came to my relationship with Bella, Alice was the one I could count on to support my idiocy. But she had never, for one second, supported my adoration for Allison.

"It was always forbidden," I simply reminded her.

"She's one of us," she forced.

"She was one of us," I countered.

"No, she is one of us." She flashed me the vision again of Bella. Everything inside of me crumbled as I saw her face through Alice's thoughts. The sun cast a prefect ray over her as she stood in a blanket of wildflowers, her skin shining like diamonds, and her eyes glaring red. Alice had shown me this vision a hundred times, and I tuned it out each one. But as I took in the scene, I realized something was really unusual. Bella had aged from when I had known her. Her hair was different, shorter. Her body still petite, but curvier. Her face was still porcelain and beautiful, but dignified and astute.

"It can't be," I gasped in horror as the image in Alice's mind taunted me. Everything I had sacrificed to protect her all in vain.

"Yes."

"How can you be sure? She's been gone for a long time." I buried my face in my hands hoping the marble flesh would absorb my defeat. I had to change this.

I flew from the house and dodged my way into the wooded area just behind our home. I was upset for so many reasons. One, the thing that I had given up, the love that I forfeited would have been in vain. I left to protect her from what I was, from becoming a victim of my destiny. And now, ten years later, what I tried to prevent from happening was going to happen. Bella would lose her mortality. Was it possible that I had only hindered her destiny as opposed to changing it? And then there was Allison. My feelings for her were very real; not exactly love, but real nonetheless. I hadn't decided where I was going with my affections for her. But I wanted the opportunity to choose the direction. I had moved on and now it was very possible that I would have to give her up as well. Was I being punished for trying to love again? Haven't I suffered enough?

End Notes:

It was a long chapter, I know. I want to know how you feel about Allison, about their relationship, about their future together. Also what did you think about Alice's vision. As always thank you for reading!!!!!!


	4. Chapter 4: Charlie's Visit

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it all...including me!**

**Chapter 4: Charlie's Visit**

"Bella, are you feeling okay? You look like crap."

"Thanks, Dad. I'm just fine." _Lack of sleep will certainly alter one's appearance_, I added silently. My father had entered my front door no more than five minutes ago, and already he noticed my physical decline due to internal dissension and unrestrained emotions.

"Could be that birthday around the corner," he reminded me.

"I stopped celebrating birthdays," I hissed.

"Then it must be full-time employment." He smirked with a mischievous grin. Although he was only teasing, there was some truth behind his words. I had not been employed full-time since before Arden was born. In La Push I only taught one night a week, and occasionally filled in for Jake. And even for that small amount of time, I had a stealth group of reinforcements. I wasn't used to pulling down a full-time job outside of the home. My extended hours and the absence of additional support was wearing thin, and it had only been a week. Being away from home certainly had taken a toll on me, among other things I couldn't speak of.

"I'm beginning to think that perhaps Oregon wasn't far enough," I barked at my dad, masking my thinning rope by humor.

"Don't joke about that, Bells," he said, more serious now.

"Yes, sir."

"Say, where is my little girl?" he asked, darting his head from the living room toward the staircase in the foyer. Jake was picking Arden up from _Friday Funtastic_, a once a month after school reward program for the students.

"She and Jake will be home in a bit. Guess you're stuck with me old man," I said patting the more salt-than-pepper hair on top of his head.

I appreciated my dad in a way I could never express to him. Charlie was..._good_. I was indebted to him tremendously for the things he'd given me. When Arden graced our family as the newest member, he stepped up beyond my wildest dreams. He became a pro at feeding, diapering, burping, and cleaning up. He visited every day the first two weeks and just about every other day after that.

There were some unforeseen post-partum complications, and Charlie witnessed the gruesome event first hand. I had faced death many times, and Charlie had been there with me for most of them. After a few scares he wasn't as easily shaken, growing accustomed to the accidents and unexpected mishaps that was an inevitable part of my life. The day he came to my home, anticipating a nice day with his granddaughter, he found me passed out in a puddle of blood lying on the bathroom floor. That day would be the day that Charlie changed, that my relationship with him changed.

That experience taught me that my blood chemistry was insanely abnormal. There wasn't a physician in Washington able to explain it. Of course, I didn't need an explanation by a doctor. After months of being tested, poked, and prodded by doctor after doctor, I gave up in finding the answer. My little mystery was easily explained; unfortunately I was bound so tightly to that secret I couldn't even tell my own father. And since that day he has bore the burden of constant worry over my well being. I was certain that the bite from James was the cause, and no medical scholar in the world would believe me. It was a safe assumption that enough of his venom entered my bloodstream enough to complicate matters. It made perfect sense, once I realized it. The plane crash was all the proof I needed. I was healthy, and my body functioned normally until I suffered an injury resulting in blood loss. Hemorrhaging was the catalyst that set off a chain reaction resulting in my body's internal confusion. Although I didn't have any medical terms or proof to back up my theory, I whole heartedly believed that when the blood was weak, the venom would began to take over.

Those bleak days in the hospital, missing my new baby and watching Charlie break a little more each day was the worst of all my bad experiences. Charlie would stay with me at night so Jacob could keep Arden, and then Charlie would relieve him in the morning. Jacob was equally disturbed, and blamed himself. It was evident after that event I would no longer be able to have children. I would no longer be able to give Jacob a son. And for that I was truly resentful for my former life.

"Big C, how's life treating you?" Jacob greeted my father from the front hall.

"Poppppppy," Arden screamed as loud as her lungs would allow. She ran full force into Charlie, knocking him back a step.

"Hey, little Wildflower. Poppy brought you a surprise," he said kneeling down beside her and squeezing her tight.

"What? What? What? What?" she repeated with excitement only a child could express.

"Well I believe there's a certain little pink bag up in your room," he hinted, offering her a wink and a smile. She wasted no time, and with uncanny speed ran to her room to claim her prize.

"Must you spoil her?" I asked blithely.

"Oh come on now. You know I have to."

"How was your drive, Big C? Dad didn't want to join you?" Jake asked, curiously.

"He said something about taking Sue out for their anniversary. Said he'd try and make it up another weekend."

There was a hint of something off in Charlie's expression regarding Billy, but before the issue could be investigated further, Arden appeared into the living room wearing a new pair of purple rain boots. Of course the new boots didn't match her previous outfit, so she changed into a purple tutu, a pink shirt with glittery flowers, and a princess tiara. All attention was on her as she began with a chorus of 'I'm a little teapot' and finished with a bow and an astounding round of applause.

The unconventional ensemble chosen by Arden would carry throughout our dinner at the local steakhouse. I chose to pick battles, and her eccentric fashion sense was not one of them. At least she was young enough that most people just thought she was cute. She sat by her "Poppy" across the table from me and Jake.

Prior to the arrival of our food, Arden tried to teach Charlie a clapping rhyme, to which he lacked both skill and coordination. Then we were entertained once again as she belted out the ABC's in her best opera voice. I had to apologize to the uptight couple sitting beside us. Obviously children were nothing more than vermin to them, and when Arden accidentally knocked her milk over at the end of the meal, I held the laughter back, noticing the splatters on Ms. Uptight's expensive Italian shoes.

Finally through with dinner, I paid the check, making sure to leave the waitress an extra tip for her trouble, and then I joined my family outside.

"Mommy, can we go bowling?"

"I don't know about that. Poppy's tired and Daddy has to work tomorrow."

"Oh please, please, please, please, please," she screamed bouncing up and down in front of me. Her smile was so bright that her eyes danced in rhythm as the pleas came out. She reminded me of Jacob in every whimsical movement.

Easily broken by brown eyes and overexcitement, thirty minutes later I was wearing rented shoes surrounded by my family beneath spinning neon lights in the bowling alley. Despite my disaffection for the sport, the company made up for it.

"Alright B-town can you top that strike," Jacob bragged with his chest puffed out in pride. I looked at the screen just overheard to confirm he had in fact gotten a strike.

"It's easy to get a strike with bumpers, don't consider yourself pro just yet," I scoffed as I passed him on my way to the ball return.

My relationship with Jacob was so carefree and easy. We continually enjoyed being around each other. Honestly, it was a feeling I had missed. This job had taken more out of him than I ever anticipated. His sense of balance and priorities had been altered, and somewhere along the way I was beginning to feel a little neglected. I know it wasn't intentional, and I didn't blame him. It wasn't in Jacob to hurt me, but the circumstance was what it was, and that was taking him away from his family. Jake and I had always been a team, a centralized unit, and now that way of life was threatened.

* * *

"How about letting your 'ole man give you a hand?"

"I would rather settle for some moral support," I replied quickly. I may not have lived with Charlie for some time but his efforts in the kitchen would never be forgotten.

"I bet I'll surprise you."

"Poppy, I want spaspetti," Arden announced.

"Spa-spetti it is," he said

He handed me the stainless stock pot from the overhead rack. "You will need this, I presume," he said cheerfully.

I scowled for a moment, finally relieving him of the oversized contraption. "Impressive," I said with a scorn-ridden tone, still eyeing him doubtfully.

I laughed as mock dejection displayed in his facial contortions. Charlie's humor or lack thereof, was one of the things I missed the most. Arden laughed at her grandfather's animated gestures and then started pulling him toward the living room.

"Not a Dora fan?" I questioned as he entered the kitchen once again after about fifteen minutes and at least two choruses of "_We Did It_."

"I've already seen that episode," he replied sarcastically.

Once the angel hair pasta was boiling, and the sauce was simmering, Charlie and I sat down at the island bar with a glass of lemonade.

"You know, Dad, you should retire and move out here with us." I hadn't given it much thought before asking, but I feared my dad was lonely. He'd make a great addition to our family unit and could give me some company. "Experience the sunshine every once in awhile."

"Nah, Bells. This is your life. You don't need me messing things up."

"You hush. We miss you, Dad."

"The folks in Forks need me," he said puffing his chest out in pride. The only folks who really relied on Charlie were the owners of the town's diner; his business alone was the whole of their yearly profit.

"Sides, I gotta help take care of Billy and Sue." I furrowed my brow in confusion, begging Charlie to complete his statement. "Bells, I'm really concerned. His health is declining." I could tell Charlie was a little worried before when Jacob mentioned Billy, but I didn't put much stock into it. Charlie was a worrier, and it was next to impossible to decipher all the plagues of his mind.

"Billy needs your help?" Although Billy was in a wheelchair, he wasn't handicapped. Even in his aging state he was too stubborn to admit when he needed help. "He seemed fine when Jake spoke to him day before yesterday," I informed him, hoping perhaps he had misjudged the situation.

"He's proud, Bell. He won't show weakness, especially to Jacob. But I can see it. Their anniversary isn't the reason he didn't come this trip. They've talked about moving in with Leah because it's more than Sue can deal with."

I was stung as the truth was exposed to me. Had Jacob known his father was ill, he certainly wouldn't have left.

"What should we do?" I asked hoping my father would hold the answer.

"I'm not sure you can do anything. I promise to let you know should his condition worsen."

"Jake will be devastated..."

"You can't tell him I said anything. Billy would hold a grudge over me for the rest of his life."

"Promise. I may have to convince Jake into a little weekend trip back home. If he sees it for himself then we'll both be off the hook."

"Bella, are you sure you're okay?" he asked grazing his hand across my face.

"Yeah. Really." I instantly grabbed the lemonade, trying to drown the lies before any more could escape my mouth.

I knew Charlie was concerned. Having the Cullen's around had interrupted my life considerably. I was lying to my father, keeping secrets from my husband. I suddenly disliked the person I had become. I knew it was only a matter of time before my little façade would crumble. I couldn't hold out much longer, and I refused to jeopardize my family, as selfish as that sounded, I had hoped to use Billy's illness as a persuasion tool to get Jacob to consider going home for good. Finding it harder to breathe, I needed an escape and quickly removed myself from the kitchen. I busied myself in the dining room, setting the table and lighting a few candles.

"Jake's still working?" Charlie asked as I went back into the kitchen.

"Yeah, he's been putting in some long hours."

"No wonder you're exhausted. You two need a break."

"Oh, Dad. It's just life. You can't take a break from life." I brushed it off, internally agreeing with him infinitely.

"Tomorrow the two of you take a drive, get out for a little bit. I'll entertain the girl."

"You're just so full of good ideas."

Arden bounced in taking her place beside Poppy wearing a red feather boa, purple sunglasses, and pink sparkle princess shoes.

I exchanged an endearing look with my father before sitting down myself.

"Arden, you should probably take off the sunglasses, at least for dinner," Charlie said.

When Jake finally came in, Arden was asleep in Charlie's lap on the sofa. Charlie had dozed off as well and the room was dark all but the flickering lights coming from the T.V. and the screen from my computer. I had my laptop grading papers, editing photos, and chatting with Renee via instant messenger.

"Dinner is in the fridge," I announced.

"Thank,s babe, but I already ate. Some of the folks at work ordered a pizza."

"Oh."

"The 'ole man gave up the fight, huh?" Jake asked acknowledging the rumbling snores coming from Charlie's chest.

"Tea parties and makeovers are very tiring." I smirked, closing the laptop. Jacob pulled me from the oversized chair, crashing his lips into mine.

"Not in front of my father," I whispered as my face turned a familiar shade of pink.

"What's the matter, Bells? I think he knows you're not a virgin. I'm pretty sure when you birthed a child he realized I had de-flowered you."

Placing the lobe of my ear between his teeth, he nibbled gently between muffled laughter. "If you don't mind I could go for another frolic through the garden tonight," he said with his mouth exploring my neck, and his index finger at the top of my lounge pants slowly creeping the fabric down exposing my bare skin.

I quickly swatted his hand away. "I haven't forgotten where the garden is located, you don't have to remind me." He thought for a comeback and when words failed him, he scooped me into his arms swiftly, eliciting a shrill scream in return, and threw me across his shoulder. Between giggles, I tried to silence him only to realize he wasn't the one causing the disturbance, I was. Once we cleared the stairs, he sat me upright and I doubled over in laughter.

This was my life with Jake. Easy, carefree, serene, honest...

Until now.

* * *

I awoke to the smell of maple syrup and frying sausage on Sunday morning. I began to slowly migrate from the bed to the shower, fatigue looming just on the horizon. The cold water eventually crashed into me, wiping away the most predominant parts of exhaustion and leaving me somewhat lively. I came down stairs to see my family sitting at the breakfast bar gorging on a feast large enough to feed a colony of African elephants. My place, next to Arden, was sat and a plate stacked with chocolate chip pancakes topped with whipped cream was the centerpiece. A tall glass of orange juice and my favorite coffee mug filled to the top completed the setting. I didn't feel much like eating, but somebody or somebodies had gone to a lot of trouble, and I owed them the satisfaction of enjoying the meal. Arden handed me a folded napkin. "Here, mommy."

I graciously accepted. "Did you do all of this for me?"

"Well I helped Daddy."

I looked at Jacob to thank him. He was leaned over the bar fully engrossed in the half dozen pancakes on his plate. I sat motionless with my fork in my hand as I watched him. Jacob was beautiful. Simply beautiful. Every part of him screamed perfection, and after seeing him every day I never grew tired of really looking at him, at seeing him. He wasn't just pleasing to the eye, he had an aura around him that spoke to my soul, filled me with warmth, and gave me a reason to take in my next breath.

"Mommy, are you going to eat?" Arden asked interrupting my thoughts. I looked down and realized I was holding an empty fork to my mouth.

"Oh yes, baby. Sorry, I was distracted."

"See, son, I told you she needed a break," Charlie said to Jake referencing some previous conversation between them about my well being. I scowled at both of them before barking, "I'm fine."

Shortly after breakfast, Charlie pushed Jake and I out the door while he and Arden headed to the backyard play structure. Charlie had insisted on building it just like the one at our home in La Push.

"Since we've been excommunicated for the day, what you say we just take a drive down the coast?" I suggested once we were in the car. The ocean brine and the soothing sound of the waves always put me at ease. The calming effect was similar to the one radiating in the seat beside me.

"Sure," he agreed.

Driving down the road, Jacob leaned over and placed his hand over mine. "Bells, I'm sorry I've been away from home so much."

"It's okay, really. It won't always be like this," I offered.

"How did I get so lucky to get someone like you? You're beautiful, smart, understanding..." _Dishonest _I added silently to his list of compliments. I wanted to tell him, needed to tell him about Alice. This perfect day would be ruined if I spoke of it, and I opted to wait until a more opportune time.

I sat quietly, content to just stare out the window as Jacob drove. I was consumed in thoughts ranging from Charlie's revelation of Billy's increased illness to my next week's assignments at school, but mostly, of Alice and her family and the unending guilt I was being eaten alive with.

We arrived back home just as the sun was fading from the sky. I was scared that Charlie would be passed out from exhaustion, or locked in a closet from a game gone bad. We entered the house only to be greeted by eerie darkness. Before I could actually move from alarm to panic, I heard a shuffling in the dining room. I flipped the switch and was instantly met with...

"SURPRISE"

Arden cam gallivanting toward me, arms opened wide, and a big smile spread across her little face. "Happy Birthday, Mommy."

"Wow. Is all this for me?" I asked her in my most surprised voice.

I was overwhelmed with love in that moment, so much so that tears began to fall from my eyes.

"It's just a little party, Bella, no need to lose it," Charlie said humbly. My emotional reaction was as much a shock to him as it was to me.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's just so sweet," I explained as my eyes took in the balloons and handmade decorations adorning the room.

Two servings of cake and ice cream later, Arden begged me to open my gifts. To a five year old child, a wrapped present was worse than Chinese water torture.

She displayed the gifts neatly on the table in front of me. The first was, of course, from her wrapped in purple paper. I opened the box extremely carefully as she stood beside me, just in case I should need relief from the task. I asked for her help only to prevent her further misery. She wasted no time in assisting me. At the end of the unwrapping frenzy, I discovered a sweet family portrait drawn by Arden, a heavy metal flashlight from my father – always erring on the side of safety. The last gift was from Jacob, a beautiful plaid wool jacket.

Tears began to flood my eyes, again, and I swatted at them for being the nuisance they was.

The next morning I felt ill at my stomach and my body relented on waking up. My nerves really were working overtime, and I had to get a grip. I knew my only resolve was to tell Jacob the truth, and let my guilt quit eating at my conscious.

I would tell Jacob today...for my sanity I had to. But...first I had to get dressed for work, get Arden off to school, and say goodbye to my father. I headed into the shower and as the warm water cascaded across my body I searched within me for the right way to tell him. It was never easy to explain betrayal and that was exactly how I felt. My mind was set. No matter what. I would tell Jacob the truth.

**A/N: Can't you just imagine Charlie as a grandpa? So, what do you think? I'd love to hear from you, don't be shy. I don't bite...well unless you're Jacob, then I probably would. ;) What's next for Bella? How will Jacob react?**


	5. Chapter 5: Poison

**Disclaimer: This story is possible because of my love for Twilight, it's all owned by Steph Meyer and the respective copyrights. No infringement intended.**

**A million thanks to my beta Live720 (she also is an incredible Jake writer so be sure to check out her stories)**

* * *

**_In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love. ~ Diego Marchi_**

**No Return **

**Chapter 5: Poison**

* * *

Dishonesty, half-truths, and secrets are the vilest of all poisons. A toxin that is so contemptible, so deadly that it creeps in slowly, infiltrating every pore, every cell until all that remains is a black hole of equivocal desperation. I was terrible at lying, and even worse at keeping secrets. It was as if the secret was protected by a lock, but the key was plainly visible and full of betrayal and contempt. Concealing something of this magnitude was wearing thin, and I was slowly fraying at the seams. The poison had taken control and the damages were quickly becoming irreversible.

I had broken promises and trusts, and two days had passed since my vow to tell Jacob the truth. I would have surely told him by now, but I had found myself subconsciously avoiding him. Not that it was hard, his availability was scarce. But nonetheless, I found myself reluctant to be in the same room with him unless it was full of useful distractions. I couldn't exactly talk about my little problem in front of Arden or while he was working. So my opportunity window was slim, and the validation of my argument was weak.

My eyes begged to close, begged to rest. The exhaustion seemed endless, every night more sleepless than the last. Jacob was normally my solace, but recently I had found myself distancing from him. Overcome with guilt, I could no longer find comfort in his embrace. The clock screamed to me that I still had two hours to sleep, but my body refused to rest. I silently slipped out of bed, careful not to trip and alarm him. He looked so peaceful, so undeserving of my dishonesty. Pangs of guilt assaulted me again, and I fought with my conscience not to wake him and confess the shady secret I have been hiding for more than three weeks. I retreated from the notion as good sense poured through my still sleeping mind. I managed through the darkness to make it out of the bedroom unscathed. My clumsiness caught up with me by the time I was downstairs, and I tripped over the bar stool in the kitchen. After silencing a string of profanities, I sat down at the bar and laid my face on the cool counter. With the world outside lying still, and the dark hiding all sign of life, I was left with only my thoughts. And my thoughts were a convolution of treachery, betrayal, uncertainty, and a glimmer of excitement. I knew that once I got past telling Jacob, somehow, things would fall into place. It was that outcome I feared the most and it was that outcome that could, possibly, offer me some form of hope. Light slowly began to filter through the kitchen windows, and the world began to stir once again. I moved myself from the kitchen to prepare for the day. I hurried through the morning, and Arden and I were out the door by 7:15, leaving Jacob asleep in bed, undisturbed.

I was quickly falling into the routine of teaching, and some form of satisfaction was to be found in the midst of the chaos that was high school. I had found the middle ground within my classroom and found myself amused by the creativity of my students. I enjoyed their bright, inquisitive nature, and they're eager participation made me extremely happy. At least one facet of my life was not overcome by deception and untruths.

As the fourth week closed in, I was beginning to let go of my stress regarding my new career path. This day would mark my weekly quiz day, and the students would be consumed for forty minutes. I planned to spend the time reviewing homework, but halfway through the class, I received a student alert on my laptop. The goal of the feature was to allow students the freedom of asking questions or making comments without feeling embarrassed or judgment by their peers. The concept was that it would open up lines of communication and allow the students more comfortable surroundings. I wasn't convinced that a setting that lacked verbal communication was ideal, but it was what it was.

I opened the prompt to reveal a message from Alice, the only student to utilize the school's most recent resource. It wasn't out of character for her on the days she was present to send me messages throughout class.

I glanced up to see her bright eyed and smiling. She nodded to urge me forward, and I pulled up the message.

_Could we meet after school? Sweet Treats on 5th and Martin in Seaside. _

My instinct told me that Alice's request was not one made out of social need. Her agenda was far more severe than that, but at what extreme I wasn't sure. Our contact had been limited as we kept very safe distances. With each day that passed, between the hidden secrets, and the anticipation of Alice's next move, I felt on the verge of exploding . In addition to my immediate concerns, I had yet to see Jasper on campus. I really hoped he had moved past trying to kill me all those years ago, but somehow I knew he would still hate himself for it.

The city was about 30 minutes outside of Astoria, but I thought it was manageable. I agreed to her request. During lunch, I called to confirm that Jacob would be home until I got back. I told him I had arranged to meet with a student after school that may need tutoring. It wasn't a complete fallacy. I _was_ meeting a student. Of course it was absurd to think that Alice would need tutoring, but I needed something believable. I could feel the poison boiling as the lies flowed like acerbic from my mouth.

I entered the quaint bakery to find Alice excited and lively at a table in the back. I sat down across from her a bit uneasy of the meeting. She smiled to ease the tension evident on my face, and I returned the gesture with what I could only assume to be less than her fervent avidity. I wondered when I had become such a pessimist.

"Happy Birthday, Bella," she spoke faintly. I wasn't sure if I even heard the words, they seemed like a dream or a recollection from an old movie. They were oddly familiar and as they registered with simplicity, and contrastingly painful complexity, I begin to slip into some former known world within my subconscious.

I sat in a bemused daze for some indefinite amount of time. Alice stared at me intently as I began to refocus my attention to reality. "Thank you," I muttered softly. "I had forgotten that was today."

Alice smiled wide as a petite college-aged girl sat the most delectable looking cupcake in front of me. It was about three times the size of a normal cupcake, chocolate with cream cheese icing, dotted with sprinkles and from the center a decorated toothpick ingloriously announcing my age of twenty-eight.

"That looks appealing even to me. Eat up," she said as the server poured a cup of coffee beside me. I added the necessary amount of cream and sugar, and stirred the mixture prolonging the onslaught I feared would come.

I had let go of my past, buried it, and burned it. Whatever it was that humans did to move on from an incredibly atrocious situation… I had done it. Yet, here I was living the nightmare within that left me wounded, scarred, and eternally altered. I had to come to terms with this new feeling. It wasn't necessarily the ending to my story with Edward and his family that had my stomach clenching. I was grateful that chapter had closed. It was more the nature behind it. I was sitting across from an unbelievable, incomprehensible, mythical legend. Was I honestly allowing myself to be consumed by a life that existed of such things, a life that contradicted everything I wanted to forget? Everything I pretended wasn't real. But that was all that it was, a lie based on a concoction of a life that I willed from my immediate memory. I couldn't forget that the world was not all perfect. I had a reminder of it daily. I had wanted so badly, at one time, to become part of that world. And now every cell in my body screamed at me to run away from it. But I could only run so far, because the memories of my past had resurfaced and would catch up to me no matter how hard, or how fast I ran.

I couldn't allow myself to be absorbed by the bad memories. With a deep breath I cleansed my mind, even if temporarily, and focused on the present situation.

"Bella, I would love to pick up where we left off all those years ago, to be friends once again," she said sprightly. Enthusiasm bounced between the melodic words, echoing the memories of our past in happier times, memories that didn't include birthday tragedies, break-ups in the woods, and months of unforgettable pain.

"We've been brought back into each other's lives. That has to mean something," she said. I straightened in my seat uncomfortably. I had spent the days since Alice's reintroduction into my life thinking of the impact on Jacob and my family. I hadn't entertained the concept of allowing Alice in as a friend; a friend that I needed gravely. But as I sat across from her, it was obvious that our lives were no longer familiar.

"Alice, things have changed. You're still a teenager and I'm an adult. A public friendship would seem a bit odd. Not to mention, I'm your teacher. I'm in a position of authority," I explained in a blur of jumbled words.

"I understand. I'm not expecting makeovers, or slumber parties. But we can have a friendship. You're important to me. You have a special place in my heart, in the heart of my family. I only want to fill that hole in my life. You're the only human to ever be a part of us. I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, but my life is very different now."

"Bella, we were practically sisters. You can't dismiss family."

"I suppose you're right. But, Jake will not be so willing to accept it."

"You can't choose your family," she argued.

I laughed.

"Bella if it's a problem then I understand. It's not my intention to interrupt your life or make waves in your family." She was genuine, compassionate, and a resonating light of love. She may be an unexplainable myth, but her heart was sincere and pure.

"I have to find the balance. That's all," I said, more for my benefit than hers.

She smiled and moved the cupcake closer to me. I scooped up an unthinkable amount of icing and candied confetti on my finger, and allowed my mind to be softened by the goodness of processed sugars, and fat. "This is incredible," I mumbled between bites.

Alice laughed. "I'll take your word for it."

"So does Edward know that I'm your teacher?"

"I haven't said anything to him. I really don't know how."

"But does he know?" I urged, implying he could be in the know without a formal declaration. It wasn't out of character for the two of them to share things without speaking.

"No. It's easy to disguise things from Edward lately. He's a bit preoccupied."

"Oh. He lives with you, doesn't he?" I couldn't imagine anyone beside myself that could elude Edward, it was impossible.

"Yes we all live as a family. He's just busy working with Carlisle and Dexter, and his other hobbies."

"Dexter?" I asked intrigued by the first part of statement and dismissing the last.

"We have a new member of the family," she explained apathetically.

"How wonderful," I began excited, and then realizing by the expression on her face it was not cause for delight.

"Dexter joined our family about two years ago."

"Very interesting," I mused. "I'd love to know more about him."

"I suppose I don't see any harm in telling you. You know the darkest secrets of our family anyway."

"You can't choose family," I said echoing her previous argument.

"Well Dexter...he's very unusual."

"Apart from being a vampire?" I asked, amused.

"Extraordinarily so, I'm afraid," she replied with a hint of resentment.

"How so?"

"He's brilliant. Dangerously brilliant."

I waited for her to continue but she seemed lost in some internal debate, warring between her visions and the present.

"Maybe we'll discuss him another day when I can tolerate it."

I decided not to press her, and continued with my line of questions regarding Edward.

"You haven't told him because you're afraid he will be upset by my living here." It wasn't a question, and she wasn't surprised that I was asking about him again.

"No. It's not the right time. He will know. Just not now."

I nodded as if I understood what she had said all the while completely bewildered.

"I can't keep secrets from Edward, it's like poison to our relationship," she said sorrowful. I could agree with her and I sympathized with her every word.

"You know it's very selfish of me to keep you. Your family is probably planning something for your birthday."

"Oh no, I don't think so. We celebrated on Sunday with Charlie. But I suppose you're right. I need to get home."

"Bella, how is Charlie?" Alice asked genuinely concerned. She was always fond of Charlie and I remembered his affection for her ran deep as well.

"He's well," I replied.

"That's really great. I'm so glad everything has worked out. I will see you tomorrow, Mrs. Black," she called as she walked toward her car.

"Goodbye, Alice."

* * *

I arrived home to find a very distraught Jacob. He was pacing the floors in a deep conversation with the phone pressed between his ear and shoulder. I moved by his side just as he said goodbye and laid the phone down on the table. Using his forefinger and thumb he forcefully massaged his forehead. I gave him a few minutes to collect himself before inquiring into his dilemma. He gave me a forced smile, and pulled me close to him. He breathed in before gagging. "Damn Bella, if I didn't know any better I'd think you'd been running with leeches."

"Well, Jake..." I began to confess. This was the moment I would come clean. This was the defining moment when things would inevitably change. My timing was off, and I wasn't prepared, but the door was open and I had to enter it. My conscience, my life depended on it.

"Listen, Bells," he interrupted my impending confession. "That was Sue. My dad is very ill and I need to go up soon. Stubborn old man refused to listen to reason and I'm going to have to force him to a hospital."

My heart dropped. Charlie's assumption was completely right, and I felt guilty for not investing more stock into his concern. I was troubled deeply by this news, and fell onto the ottoman by the sofa.

"Jake, I'm so sorry. Dad mentioned that his health was declining. I had no idea it was this severe." He stared at me for a long second, his brow furrowed as he slowly processed what I said. His eyes flashed from sincerity to something darker, something I wasn't used to seeing, but something I knew. _Rage. Volatile Rage._

"You knew my father was sick?" he asked, his voice picking up in its volume.

"I'm sorry, Jake. We both knew he was ill," I reminded him, desperately trying to stay calm. The scene before me was escalating and my primal urge was to run.

He glared at me, his eyes full of hurt and rage. My hands began to tremble in fear. I wasn't accustomed to seeing this side of my husband, and even less to this aspect of our relationship. Arguing and resentment was not a dynamic of our marriage. This experience was foreign to me and I was lost beyond hope.

"But you knew he was worse. Why wouldn't you tell me?" He was yelling at me now, his face growing red and his voice unsteady. I began to feel worried by the sudden onset of anger. This was very unlike _my Jacob_.

"What were you thinking? We're married," he said with gritted teeth, throwing his ring-finger in my line of sight. "You can't just keep things from me." He moved closer to me, just in front of my face, his entire body trembling in fury. "We are supposed to share everything. For god's sake, he's my father." I stood up defensively, my petite frame swallowed by the mere shadow of his body.

"I'm...sorry," I breathed out not sure what else I could say to diffuse the situation, my spine tingling with fear, fear of a past Jacob, a Jacob I had long since experienced. I saw his body trembling, his brow sweating and my heart broke at his pain.

"Leave me alone," he spat out moving his eyes to focus on the floor and away from me.

I tentatively backed away from him unsure how to process his rage. I felt several emotions at once: fear, anger, hurt, guilt, confusion.

"What else are you hiding from me?" he accused moving his head even with mine. I met his glare, and his eyes were hard, dark, unrecognizable. Realizing that nothing good would come from further engagement of the argument, I turned from him and ran upstairs to try and make some rationalization of what just happened. As I sprinted up the stair case, behind me I heard an unmistakable pound, and then the front door slam.

Jake was always calm and even tempered. He never yelled at me, deserving or not. I relived the last few minutes, hoping to see something obvious that I may have missed. I assumed his frustrations to be stress from his father's illness and decided to forgive him, when and if he asked.

I buried my face in the pillows hoping to get all of the tears out before Arden came to find me. She was watching a movie at the neighbor's house but would be home soon. I wondered where Jake had gone. The house was incredibly still, and so quiet it was deafening. Eventually I heard footsteps on the stairs, not light enough to be a child, so I rolled onto my side away from the door. I probably deserved anger from Jake, not for the reasons he had, but anger, nonetheless. Even still, I wasn't going to be so forgiving. I felt victimized and I had earned the right to pout if even for a moment. His behavior was unnecessary. We were adults and we could resolve any issues without resorting to yelling at each other.

I heard the door gently squeak open, and in my next breath Jacob was sitting at the edge of the bed with his body away from me. My heart clenched and my throat began to burn. I drew my knees in closer to steady the rampant beating in my chest. He seemed calmer, but I wasn't certain he was finished yelling.

"Bella," he spoke low, almost hushed. "Bella, baby, I'm very sorry for losing it like that." I lay still exercising my stubborn need for pouting, and hesitation for wrapping my body around him with such passion and fervor that he would forget I had ever wronged him. He lay down beside me; his body fit up against mine as if we were a cloth cut in the middle and lay side by side. He pressed his lips into my hair and apologized again. "Baby, I really am sorry. Please say you'll forgive me."

It was a tender moment. A moment that if in a novel or a movie, would have resulted in an episode of peace, and forgiveness. I chose that moment; just minutes after Jake had unleashed an enormous bout of anger on me for my inability to be honest with him, to tell him of hidden truth that would potentially change our lives together. I raised my body up and stood up beside the bed. His eyes followed me curiously, full of remorse and hope that I would be quick to forgive.

"Alice Cullen is a student in my class," I announced without hesitation.

He laughed. A small chuckle at first, then an evolution of full-fledged howling of hysterical laughter ensued.

"I'm not trying to amuse you. It's the truth. I've been trying to tell you since school started but I couldn't find the right way to say it."

His smile faded as he realized I was being honest.

"I hoped that I wouldn't need to tell you. I hoped that the Cullen's would move, go away. But after today I'm certain that our presence here will not influence their choice to live here."

He stood up, opposite of me across the bed. He lowered his face to look me in the eyes.

"I'm not sure I even know who you are anymore. You should have told me, you shouldn't have kept me in the dark," he spoke without anger, without any feeling. It was as if he was numb, stung by my revelation. His words were not hateful, or spiteful. Instead his words dripped with hurt, and I'd rather have anger cast on me in rage than to know I had caused him pain. I walked around the bed and stopped short at the foot. I dropped my face, unable to see the sadness on his face.

"I should have told you. But I didn't. I'm telling you now. Alice Cullen is a student in my class, and I feel very inclined to make her as much a part of my life as she will allow. Time has passed and I'm a different person now. There's no reason why she can't be a part of my life."

"And the others? Will you as eagerly accept them back into your life?" he asked scornfully, collapsing onto the bed.

"At this point, there's no possibility of that."

"But if the possibility presented itself?"

"Jacob, we can deal with this later. I assure you, there's nothing to worry about." I sat down beside him, allowing a small gap between us.

"I'm not concerned about losing you, Bella. I'm concerned about your safety."

"You have greater concerns at the moment," I reminded him.

"You're right, my father."

"Yes," I stated simply.

"Honey, I have to go to La Push this weekend. I really can't prolong this visit." He spoke to me as if the last thirty minutes had never happened. His demeanor was calm, relaxed. My head spun trying to keep up.

"If you can go Friday, Arden has the day off from school since it's in-service. I could drive up Saturday to join you."

"Are you sure? You've never been away from her at night. Well besides hospital stays," he said impishly, absolutely no trace of irritation or anger to be heard in his words.

"I'm a big girl I can manage," I said lightly not to change the mood.

"Promise me something." He brought his hands to mine, and pulled me in closer.

"Anything," I whispered.

"You'll stay away from those leeches while I'm away. I'm not sold on the whole idea of you befriending them again, and I certainly don't feel comfortable with you being alone."

"I'm not in any danger," I reassured him.

"Bella, did you really just say that out loud? Of course you're in danger. You're attracted to danger."

I could only smile in response to his concern. He squeezed my hand tight, and I breathed easy for the first time in a long time, finally free of the poisons of untruth.

**End notes:**

**Okay a little angst... but a happy ending!!! Who could stay mad at Jake? Even if he is being a nub... Love reviews ;) 3 **


	6. Chapter 6: Forgiveness

**Authors Note:**

I whole-heartedly apologize for the long wait between updates. I wish I could devote my life, and my destiny to writing, but my family, my mortgage, and my four dogs depend on my employment. Said employment keeps me from writing, you do the math. Anyway, for those of you who dared to test the waters and jump into "No Return" I'm so very thankful. There's a lot of this story left, and I beg for your patience.

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended, I own no part of this world. **

**Thank you: Live720 for beta'ing this story during your illness, your sweetness, dedication, and patience are precious to me... I love you BB!!!! **

Mombailey, Tazz0617 and Miss__Bratt are the ladies I love to harrass...thank you for your encouragement and for always reading anything I send.

**No Return**

**Chapter 6: Forgiveness**

**_"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it." ~ Mark Twain _**

**

* * *

**

I slowly moved Arden's head from my lap and scooted her gingerly into the middle of her bed, pulling the covers tight and kissing her cheek. Guessing that it would be in the floor by morning, I still smoothed away the blanket. I knew she would stay warm without it, but somehow it seemed like my duty to make sure she was wrapped tight. Before switching the lamp off, I laid _Goodnight Gorilla_ on the bookshelf opposite the bed, noticing how the small room was the epitome of childhood imagination. Dolls and toys littered almost every inch of the floor. Beside the bed was a mountain of dress-up clothes overflowing from their trunk, and in the corner a teddy bear, a rag doll, and a stuffed lion were still having a tea party. I smiled as Arden lay peacefully in her bed and gave her one last kiss, and with a quick flip of a switch the lively room disappeared into a blanket of darkness.

I opened the door slowly, allowing a small beam of light to filter in from the hallway. The stream cast a glow on Arden's face that made her look like an angel. A child's beauty was reassuring without cause, or purpose, just reassuring. I sighed with contentment. I was a constant mess of mistakes and confusion, but she reminded me of the good things I had done, the good things in life. As the day drew to a close, its significance still weighing on my mind, I found peace in seeing the pout form on her lips as she deepened into dream land. Another sigh escaped as I pulled the door closed.

Steadily, I crawled into bed still a bit uneasy by the previous face-off with Jacob. I was careful not to disturb him as he sat engulfed by a stack of files and paperwork. Relieved that he seemed occupied, I found my spot beneath the covers, trying to avoid revisiting the argument just in case there was some unresolved issue on his part. Something he, perhaps, forgot to say, or _yell, _I thought. The evening had flowed quietly and amicably, but some resentment still threatened from deep inside, and I could tell Jacob might be feeling the same way.

The night had been an intense, turbulent sea of emotions and life changing admissions. Apologies were exchanged as was custom after such atrocious behavior, but my heart still ached as the lingering doubt and the inevitable change soared around me. The words had built the bridge, but somehow I wasn't sure we had actually crossed it. The formality of making up had left me feeling that something was missing. The apology was said, and I believed it, but forgiveness goes a lot deeper than words. When lies, betrayal, hurt, and shock are to blame for the malfeasance, words just don't seem like enough justice. The holes, the wounds are too deep to be covered by a simple "I'm sorry." There needs to be more; there has to be.

I leaned over to pat his arm in a friendly manner just to prove that I wasn't pouting, but I was allowing him some space if he needed it. His skin felt smooth, warm, reassuring, as my fingers lay against it. My fingertips moved delicately up his forearm, across his bicep, and stopped at his shoulder. He never acknowledged me just kept reading the mass of papers in his hands.

"Goodnight," I whispered softly. I wasn't sure he heard me; the words were weak and exhausted. I shifted a bit beside him, and he paused from his reading, lifted his head, and looked into my eyes. Remorse, hurt and love were all etched into every line of his perfect face. I was right to assume he was unresolved, but the outcome of which I had misjudged. He flashed a wide grin, tossed the files onto the floor, and grabbed me by the waist pulling me on top of him. Losing balance, although lying flat, always had a remarkable effect on me, and in an effort to catch myself half of my body rolled into the bedside table, knocking its contents to the floor beside the files.

If my clumsiness had ever been endearing, it was in that moment. Jacob steadied me with deep concern, far surpassing the elements of my unbalance, and kissed me with such passion, such force, such apology that I forgot everything in existence and allowed myself to be absorbed by him. His touch, his taste, burned with such fire that the only thing I could feel was alive. The heated exchange, the tears, the hurt all melted once he was inside of me, dissolving the raw emotions that the spoken apology could not. Forgiveness in the form of a physical act is much stronger than words, the apology between a man and a woman that is felt and not heard washed away all traces of hurt and pain. As his body moved against mine, as every nerve in my body screamed wild with passion, the bridge was crossed, forgiveness in its truest form.

**

* * *

**

In-service days were designed to be productive and efficient, and I was anything but. I barely heard anything in the morning workshop, and instead of preparing for my evaluation later in the day, I sat lost in thought.

I drummed my fingers rhythmically against the surface of the desk. In an effort to settle the boundless nervous energy radiating through my body, I focused on occupying my hands. I first began by tearing little strips of paper, rolling them tightly into tiny rounds, then flicking them into the waste can beside me. Growing bored with that, I started destroying the nice feminine manicure I had received only two days ago by biting each and every nail down to the quick. I was growing impatient, anxious, and nervous waiting for the day to end. Time could be an enemy or a friend, most days it was my enemy. The day was idly passing in slow motion, life-less black and white slow motion.

With my fingers stilling themselves, I watched the sun peeking through the wearisome clouds from my chair adjacent to the windows. For most of the day, the sun had been blocked by the cluster of dark clouds unable to pass through their defense. Both of them struggled for the upper hand, and neither of them budged. I was cheering for the sun and believed that if I could stare at the clouds long enough, they would grow bored with the stand-off and concede, allowing the sun to shine on through. The clouds darkened as reinforcements appeared all around the sky. I didn't blink.

I thought of the rain that threatened to come, and assuredly, it was already falling in the state of Washington. The same state that two-thirds of my entire life was now in. Jake had called no less than forty minutes ago to say they had arrived, but my heart ached at our separation. I missed my husband and child, and couldn't wait to see them. Arden was so excited to be going back home that she wore her raincoat and new boots in anticipation of the wet weather.

Her dark eyes stared at me through the framed pictures on my desk, and my heart melted with each one. I missed her more as each second tauntingly passed by. My thoughts turned to Jake and I hoped he would be strong enough for the purpose of the trip. I knew it wouldn't be easy for him to deal with his father, and the selfish core of me was incredibly thankful I was going to miss that part. His goal for the day was to persuade Billy to see a doctor in Seattle. Seth had gone to a lot of trouble to arrange the appointment through a professor at Washington State. Jake had promised to call me as soon as he could, and I was on edge.

I snuck a quick glance at the display on my phone, careful not to disrupt the staring contest I was engaged in with the storm clouds and the sun. It was just after twelve o'clock and I realized I had yet to eat. I grabbed a pack of crackers from my bag and turned back to the sun that had now disappeared entirely. _Defeated_. I had disappointed the sunshine, and knew it would be a while before I was back in its good graces.

My head jerked a little too quickly as I heard the classroom door shut. I looked up to see Alice poised like a porcelain figurine beside my desk.

"I'm sorry to startle you," her soft voice spoke.

"It's okay. What brings you by?" I asked, surprise heavy in my shaky voice.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go shopping today?" she asked timidly, throwing in a shy smile and wink.

"I really appreciate the offer, but I'm going out of town tomorrow. I don't believe I can."

"Oh, it would just be a couple of hours. I saw some things I wanted to get Arden, but of course, wanted your opinion first."

"That's not necessary."

"I know, but she's the only niece I have," she pouted, and I could already see her eyes changing, softening to a state which she knew I could not resist.

"Alice, I appreciate your kindness but Jacob still isn't so sure about all of this. And I can't risk..." I trailed off, letting the inevitable ending to my sentence linger in the air between us. It was one thing for me to be friends with his natural enemy; it was another beast entirely if I were to allow Arden to get too close. Alice may be my friend but she was still a very powerful threat to Jacob. I couldn't expect him to just accept her. Maybe with time.

"Silly Bella, I'm not asking to take her to Disney World. The time will come when I can be the proper auntie she deserves. Until then I can at least spoil her with material items, right?"

"I would love to go with you, but I have to pack. I'm heading out early tomorrow."

"I see. Will it be okay if I bring the things by this evening then?"

"Sure. I guess." I knew I had to find some middle ground, or her persistence would wear me thin. This seemed like a logical negotiation.

Later that evening, a light tap sounded faintly from the front door, and I stuffed the remainder of my clothes down into my duffel and zipped it quickly. I ran downstairs, just as the knocking increased. Realizing the melody of the taps, I knew it was Alice. I swung the door back expecting to see a petite ball of energy. What I was greeted with was both shocking and terrifying.

A mountain of shopping bags, and boxed toys covered my front porch, as I saw Alice coming up the walk with a large teddy bear, and another half-dozen bags.

"You realize Santa doesn't carry this much stuff on his sleigh," I said, unable to hide my smile.

"It's not that much," she replied sheepishly.

I held the door opened as Alice bounced in.

"I really hope she likes these things," she said, mentally going over each item to ensure it was just perfect.

"Um, how could she not?" I pointed out.

Among the stack I saw multiple dolls, princess dresses, ballerina tutus, a child proof camera, a stuffed dog, and a half dozen other toys.

"Alice, I can't accept this."

"It's not for you. It's for my niece."

"It's too much!"

"You didn't go with me to help me, so I had to buy everything I liked," she declared innocently.

"Cute. Have a seat," I said motioning for her to sit down. I debated before offering, because I knew Jake might be upset and I certainly didn't want him to feel intruded upon. But since I had told him about the invitation and my decision not to go, e would just have to accept Alice's persistence like everyone else did.

"So, where are you going?"

"To La Push. Jake went up today. His father is ill," I said, crossing my arms uncomfortably in front of my chest as a shifted front foot to foot. I was still uncomfortable mentioning Jacob around the Cullens.

"I'm sorry to hear," she said politely, but I couldn't help to wonder if she was truly sincere.

"Thank you.

"I shouldn't stay, the..." she paused changing the course of her thought, "your husband wouldn't want me here."

"You don't have to go," I said as she walked to the door.

"I'll see you soon," she promised without turning around. It was unlike Alice to be allusive, but her sincerity fell short. I stepped out the front door behind her. The night air was cool, and damp, and a fog had settled from the day's previous rain, reminding me of my stare-off and defeat.

"Monday?" I finally asked. She turned to face me, her dark eyes looking anywhere but at me. Whatever was going on in her mind was painful, and I felt saddened in response to her grief.

"Um. Well. I don't think so. I'm dropping out," she said heedlessly as she finally allowed her eyes to meet mine.

"You can't drop out of high school," I exclaimed kicking into full educator mode and getting myself worked into a frenzy. I had to change her mind. I had to stop her.

Alice moved to the wooden swing at the far end of the front porch, and I followed her.

"I'm the most educated student there. I think I'll have an okay future," she said in response to the obvious turmoil on my face. Realizing she was right I breathed a bit easier, then an even deeper realization hit me.

"I don't want to be the reason you're leaving."

"You're not…entirely. It's just…well…I might be going away for a bit."

"But, I don't understand..."

"You know, Bella, Jasper and I have considered going back to Forks to check on the house. Tomorrow would be a perfect day for that. If you want, you could ride along and I'll explain everything on the way."

I began to consider her offer, and as my mind narrowed in on Jacob's possible reaction, she interrupted my course of thought. "But only if your husband is agreeable."

I could sense that what Alice needed to discuss with me was important, life-altering. _Was it Edward? Was it a vision? _The gears in my mind started rolling through the possible scenarios, and with each one I was growing more and more worried.

"Call me when you decide, my number is in your phone."

Before I could answer she had floated off and was pulling out of the drive.

I couldn't process the offer, as I stood mouth agape watching the black sports car fade immediately out of sight the cell phone in my pocket started vibrating.

"Hello," I answered realizing I didn't check to see who was calling.

"Hey, babe!"

"Jake, is everything okay?" I felt panic rising in my chest. Jacob had already called for the night, and I wasn't expecting to talk to him until morning.

"Everyone is fine. Arden is sound asleep. I just wanted to tell you goodnight one more time. I miss my girl. I can't sleep without you next to me."

Tears started spilling from my eyes as his sweet, honest voice sounded lonesome. "I miss you, too," I said, realizing for the first time that I would be unable to sleep without him beside me.

"So, what have you been doing in the last thirty minutes?"

"Hmm… well… I packed my bag, and Alice came by. She brought some gifts for Arden."

The phone was silent. Jacob had either hung up on me or had passed out.

"Jake?" I asked. More silence.

"She was at our house?"

"Yes, just for a minute. Jacob, I know this all weird for you, but her intentions are pure. She has no reason to want to hurt us. She loves me like a sister, and I really do feel the same way."

"I know you do, and that's why I'm being open minded. But I was born to hate them; you have to realize how hard this is for me. I can't lose you, Bells, and it seems that when a Cullen is in the mix of things, losing you is a very real possibility. They're trouble, and you know it." By the rising tone of his voice I could tell he was getting upset. I had to derail his train of thought.

"Things have changed since then. The storm has calmed, and I don't fear them, or their intentions. You have to trust me."

"I do trust you, and if you want to make nice with a family of leeches then I suppose I can't stop you. Wouldn't you rather join a motorcycle gang, or some drug smugglers? You know surround yourself with some less dangerous friends." All traces of anger where gone through his sarcasm, and I was grateful to have dodged the bullet. "I suppose no harm so far, but at the first hint of danger, it's done. Promise you'll come to your senses."

"I promise," I agreed, considering everything we'd been through, I felt that was an acceptable request. "Thank you. Really, I mean it." I paused before dropping the real bomb. I knew I was stretching my rope thin, but I had to talk to Alice. "Since we're on the subject, she and Jasper are coming into Forks tomorrow to check on the old house and offered me a ride." I omitted the part where Alice had something pressing to tell me. I didn't want to concern him anymore than he was. "You could come pick me up at Charlie's or something, no treaty lines crossed, and we could ride back home together."

"I'm not sure I like them knowing everything you do, or being so close to the reservation."

"It's one harmless visit, and they know their boundaries."

"I'm beginning to learn that if I give you an inch, you'll need a mile," he said through a chuckle.

* * *

I was sitting on the front stoop after the a long sleepless night when Alice and Jasper appeared in a dark blue sedan the next morning. I went inside to grab my bag, and Jasper met me at the back of the car.

"Here, allow me?" he offered, taking my bag effortlessly and tossing into the trunk. His lips thinned a bit, and his face grew concerned. "Bella, I'm really sorry, for trying to…well, you know…kill you." It was a sincere apology, and I felt guilty for being so tempting to him in the first place. After all, it hadn't been his fault.

"Water under the bridge," I assured him with a dark smile. My eighteenth birthday replayed in my mind torturing me like a wound that refused to heal, but I assured myself the pain was necessary. If not for that single event my life would not have pieced together so beautifully.

I opened the car door, and crawled into the backseat realizing that it truly was water under the bridge. I thought that a normal response to being alone with two vampires would be fear, especially considering that one of those vampires tried to make a meal out of me. But, I was completely at ease with them.

"Good morning, Bella," Alice said brightly.

Jasper, already in the driver's seat, gave me a soft look and nodded to the seat belt. I suddenly remembered how annoying super human speed could be, but obeyed his unsaid request anyway, and put my seat belt on. With a quick jerk, the car had whipped out of the driveway and was rapidly gaining speed in the other direction. My stomach became nauseous as the trees and houses passed by in a blur. I closed my eyes and concentrated on not hurling in the back seat. When I opened my eyes again, the scenery was different, we were outside of the town, and although the speed hadn't decreased, I wasn't as dizzy as before.

Small beads of sweat had gathered at my hairline, and I still felt a bit queasy. I pressed my head against the glass, and relished in the small bit of relief it offerd. I took in a deep breath and wondered why Alice was so quiet. The purpose of the trip was for her to tell me some pressing news, to explain her going away, and she had sat like a statue in the front seat, not uttering a word, or taking in a breath. I couldn't take it anymore, the silence was maddening.

"Alice, what is this all about?"

* * *

End Notes:

I know I left you hanging, don't be mad :) I hope to update soon. So, a lot has happened in a short time. And that was some apology, 'eh? What did you think about that? Will Alice tell Bella the truth about her vision, why is Alice leaving? So many questions.... Go review... follow me on twitter for teasers, updates, and my normal nonsense TeamJakeCNYO.


	7. Chapter 7: Revelation

**A/N:**

**_This is a short chapter but I thought I'd finish up the cliffy. I appreciate all of you that have read, reviewed and messaged me. Thanks so much, you guys are the spoon for my pudding. And in some unknown universe that makes sense. :P Life is super crazy right now, and with no sign of slowing, I'm not sure how often I'll be updating. I have the story outlined and much more written, it's just taking me some time getting into a workable format for the reader. I really do love you all!!!! _**

**_A special thank you to my grammar-riffic and dialogue expert beta Live720. Thanks for all you do BB!!!!_**

**_And to mombailey, and miss__bratt my very best fanpire friends. You ladies are incredible!!!_**

**Chapter 7: Revelation**

I never considered myself virtuous, and my lack of patience was proof enough. I couldn't wait any longer, and the question flew from my mouth before I could stop it. Alice could see my vexation and crossed the car seat to sit beside me with a deviant smile and a crease in her nose. Her flawless beauty permeated me as the sunlight from the front glass cast just enough light to permit her exposed skin to glisten radiantly.

"You really have no patience," she said with a smirk.

"The suspense is killing me," I retorted sarcastically, hoping to make the impending conversation less excruciating. Saying goodbye was never easy, and I had said goodbye to Alice more times than I ever wanted to. But it was obvious she was leaving, something in my response created a conversion in Alice's demeanor, and her body went rigid. My attempt to keep a light mood had been futile, and the fear began to swirl around me as the severity of the situation sank in. I had a grave suspicion that this conversation would be about more than a simple goodbye.

Alice was, by nature, a happy, cheerful, and effervescent being, which made seeing her with such a deep seeded concern, institute an instant panic. The rate of my beating heart increased it's once steady pace, and the nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach returned, only this time I couldn't blame motion sickness. I wrapped my arms tight around my abdomen to silence the tossing and turning going on inside of me. She moved closer draping her arm across my shoulders in an attempt to comfort me. I eased back into the seat, suddenly feeling a bit lighter, thanks in part to Jasper's unique mood control gift, as I urged her to continue.

"Just tell me already, why are you leaving my class? What's happening?" Her tension and troubled features were alarming, and I feared for her. _Was she in trouble? Was the entire family leaving?_ My mind tossed around the possible scenarios for this goodbye like a speeding tennis ball.

She straightened her position and placed her hands in her lap, her eyes fixed on the distant open road as she cleared her throat.

"My visions, as you know, are subjective," she said fluidly, her stare never faltering.

I nodded, unable to actually speak. I was a bit unnerved that Alice had opened up the announcement by talking about a vision and reiterating that her visions are not always reliable. I sank further into the seat, occupying my twitching bottom lip by chewing it vigorously.

"I'm not exactly sure why, but I see Jas and I going to Brazil very soon. There's a conflict brewing within our family, and we will have to go away for awhile."

My immediate reaction was relief by her simple proclamation, but I knew all too well that Alice hadn't orchestrated this trip to tell me she was going on vacation because of a Cullen tiff. There was something else, something that I hadn't previously thought of.

"Bella," she said, turning to look at me. "I'm only concerned for your safety. I would rather do anything than disrupt your perfectly stable life."

"You see me?" I asked incredibly fearful of the answer as realization set in. Alice hadn't wanted to tell me goodbye at all. Something reproachable was about to happen, and I would be at the center of it. I looked away from her, closing my eyes.

"No, I can't see you..._anything _about you. I've tried. Since that first day of school, I've tried," she replied, thick with repentance.

"I'm not following you. If you can't see me, how does any of this concern me?" I asked with a hint of aggravation in my tone. I was growing impatient. What good was clairvoyance if all she could reveal was sporadic riddles?

"I can't see you as you are now," she brought her eyes level to mine, and I could see that she was internally debating on continuing. "I can't see you as a human," she added in a hollow voice.

I truly believed that there are pains greater than death, and the slaughter of emotions I felt as she revealed my destiny was one of them. No wonder she was hesitant, so guarded and secretive. This news was horrifyingly disturbing. I could feel myself shattering, slowly but surely breaking apart, falling to pieces in response to her words. At one time in my life I was excited to think of becoming an immortal, but not now. It hurt to think of leaving my family, of losing the life we had built.

"It can't be. There's no reason," I argued at the absurdity.

"I wish I could tell you more, but I can only see you with Edward, and you're one of us. The visions keep flashing together, and I believe them to be related."

"But, I no longer love Edward," I shouted through clenched teeth, anger boiling beneath my flesh. "You are wrong, Alice," I scoffed; only half believing that she was. I remembered enough to know that although Alice's visions were never a sure thing, she was usually accurate. For a split second I haphazardly thought about jumping from the car, but I thought better of that idea when I realized that it was traveling more than 100 miles per hour. Although I was certain I'd rather die human than live to see Alice's vision through. I began to get sick again, and moved my head between my knees.

"Pull over Jas," she said softly, rubbing her hands across my back so faintly I could barely register the touch.

A moment later, we were stopped alongside the road, Alice circling the car, opening my door before I even felt the brake catch.

"Here, you need some air," she said, helping me from the vehicle. My knees began to wobble as I stood, and she put her arm around me to support me as we walked through a clearing, finally sitting down next to an oak tree. The scene seemed familiar, reminding me of Washington, of a life I lived before, and I reached the conclusion that we had past into the state border.

"I have to change this. It can't end like this," I whispered more to myself than my companions, but they heard me as if I had been speaking clearly for their benefit.

"Please try to calm down. Subjective, remember?" Alice was trying to give me hope, but I didn't need hope because I hadn't accepted anything yet.

There was no amount of preparation or readiness that could have softened the blow from the things she revealed to me. I sat in a bewildered daze trying to comprehend how my life had become such a circle of madness. Maybe Jake was right, I should've just avoided them, but even in my state I didn't believe the Cullen's were bad.

"Why?" I asked. I knew Alice didn't have the answers I needed, but I felt compelled to ask anyway, much like someone tries to shield themselves from oncoming headlights. It makes no difference on the outcome, but it's the natural reaction.

"I'm only speculating, but I assume it has much to do with Dexter."

"Your new brother?" I asked curiously. I couldn't fathom the correlation between the newest Cullen and myself, but I felt the need to steady myself for the news to come. Alice crossed her legs and leaned back onto her elbows, Jasper kneeling down beside us and resting on his heels.

"I wouldn't exactly label him as a brother, but yes to answer your question," she said. "It's only a theory, but Dexter is contemptibly vile, and if any danger lurks he's usually the source," she hissed.

"You have to understand what Dexter is," Jasper began to explain, looking permissively at Alice before continuing. He was obviously more merciful regarding Dexter, and I found it ironic that the emphatic role fit him so well. He positioned himself on the ground, sitting directly across from me.

"In his former life, Dexter was, for lack of a better term, a mad scientist. He had a bright future at John Hopkins and destroyed it by losing his scholarship. He then moved to DC, and that is where he lost his life. After his conversion he was left alone, and completely unaware of what he was, or what had happened. Like so many of us do, he had to fend for himself, and learn this new life the best way he could. He stumbled upon his gift and eventually it led him to us," he informed me.

I felt a pang of sadness as his story was unfolded before me. A young man with such potential, having it robbed was baffling to me. I realized that all of them had the same story, different details, but the same the story, nonetheless. I had spent so much time idolizing them for their beauty and perfection that it never occurred to me what they had lost.

"I believe, and Edward even agrees with me, that Dexter is not good for our family. Even from the beginning we knew it. We can see beyond what Carlisle sees, but he refuses to listen," Alice said now standing behind Jasper.

"Carlisle has been short-sighted because of the value Dexter can bring to his research," Jasper added filling in the holes of Alice's declaration.

"I don't understand. What research?"

"Bella, do you remember being in Iowa?" Alice asked.

"Of course," I responded timidly, shuddering from the memory of the plane crash.

"Carlisle's affection for research really took flight after that. His research is very secretive, nobody other than Edward knows about it, and that's why he chose Edward to be his assistant."

"He couldn't have hid it from Edward," I guessed.

"He was the logical choice. Two years ago, Dexter came into the picture, and brought our family here to Astoria to work on their project."

"Dexter's ability is very beneficial to Carlisle's project. He can manipulate science in a way that is incomprehensible; derive results that couldn't be obtained by normal measures."

"How?"

"For example, he can take a single piece of coal and make diamonds out of it by just holding it in his hands. He can grow crops in a desert, and freeze volcanic lava with a touch. His impossibly extreme gifts far surpass just the elements. He has certain abilities within the human body as well. He is able to restart a dead heart, re-grow a lung, reverse the effects of cancer," she revealed.

"His gift is both valuable and fatal," Jasper said.

I was amazed. Dexter was a modern day miracle worker, he had the potential to really save human lives. Could he really be that bad?

"He was the perfect addition to Carlisle's experiments, but he has his own agenda," he continued as I sat lost in thought.

"Why Astoria?" I finally asked.

"Dr. Howard."

"The institute guy?" I questioned.

Dr. Howard was a leader of Astoria. I knew him to be a one-time heart surgeon, inventor, and founder of the Howard Institute. He's a local legend and pillar of the community. The local museum has a whole showcase about him and his work as one of the nation's leading cardiac surgeons.

As the answers were unveiled one by one I was only becoming more and more confused. First of all, why would vampires need the aid of a cardiac surgeon?

"The very same," Jasper replied. "The move was purely Dexter's idea, but Carlisle obliged, unwilling to sacrifice the progress already made. Dr. Howard was able to provide our home on State Street, and access to his own private research facility."

"Dexter's motives are not pure like Carlisle's. Carlisle is genuinely trying to make the world a better place, trying to offer the world something beneficial. Dexter has his own agenda, and will stop at nothing to have what he wants. He's not like us; he's not one of us."

"But if he has the power to save a human life with his gift, what's the problem? He could do so much good," I inquired, not seeing the severity of such a miraculous gift. I couldn't dismiss how astonishing his ability was.

"It's not that simple. Like with all compromises there are costs, the greater the compromise the greater the price. That power is too much for someone of our kind to possess. Choosing who lives and dies would create chaos and unbalance, the natural order of life would be disturbed," Jasper explained.

"Sometimes things aren't as simple as good and evil," Alice replied, regretful.

I was speechless. Revelation after revelation hit me like sheeting rain, and in their faces I could see that saving human lives, and doing good for humanity was never a part of the plan.

"Carlisle's research isn't about saving human lives at all is it?"

"I don't believe it is," Alice replied.

"Sadly, we've strayed from our intended path and allowed this nonsense to go on long enough," Jasper said to Alice. "We only decided to stay in Astoria to talk some sense into Carlisle."

"Bella, we don't know exactly what is to come, but you would be safer in La Push."

"Jake won't consider moving back."

"Dexter is persistent when he wants something, and will do anything to get it. I'm not certain his next move, but it will be the one that sets all of this into motion. We all need to be vigilant and on alert at all times. Bella, your paths will cross, and that's when you will be thrown into danger."

"What am I supposed to be looking for, exactly?"

"Anything and everything. His motives aren't clear, but he's secured most of State Street in the historic district, and once the last city council member approves, he'll have Dr. Howard's original home. There's some significance in all of his madness that we don't see. He's close. That old house could be the last piece of the puzzle."

"Edward doesn't know?"

"He avoids Edward at all costs," Jasper chimed in nonchalantly.

"Bella, if my vision is accurate then Jasper and I will be gone soon. You need protection."

"No. I will be fine."

"You're human, and you know the secret. As long as you're human, you are in danger."

"Jake will protect me," I spat out, offended that Alice hadn't credited him with being the protector he was.

"I can't see Jacob either," she admitted.

Alice had made a mistake by discounting Jacob into this entire scenario. Clearly she couldn't see me or my family because of some werewolf phenomenon, it was nothing more than a protection mechanism and his role and his decisions would affect the outcome.

"I don't dispute that Jacob will fight for you, but you need one of us. More specifically, you need Edward."

"No," I said flatly and walked back to the car. I needed a lot of things in life, one of them; however, was not Edward Cullen.

"I know he isn't your first choice, but with us gone, and Emmett and Rosalie in Europe..." her explanation trailed off as I tuned out her pleas.

"Should the time come…I will deal with this problem then. _Subjective_, remember?"

She smiled in obliged agreement, but I could discern that she was not satisfied. I hated to disappoint the person trying to save my life, but what choice did I have? Edward was a distant memory, and that is precisely where I wanted him to stay.

For the first time in my life, I was thankful for the irritating speed of vampires. The rest of the trip only lasted about twenty minutes, which I spent silently in the back seat trying not to explode. I politely thanked Alice and Jasper for the ride as they pulled up in front of Charlie's house. It had been silent for the remainder of the trip, and I was grateful. My mind was on overload trying to process scientific vampires, historic properties, and Edward.

"Bella, should you change your mind, let me know," Alice said once I was on the sidewalk. I nodded my head robotically, and turning toward the house. I knew I might regret these thoughts later, but even if the world was on fire, I wouldn't call Edward Cullen.

______________

End Notes:

Well..... you've finally gotten a glimpse of Dexter. I'm considering an outtake to explain him more. Whaddya think about the story so far? Where's it going from here? Thanks again for reading, love you all 3 3 3.


	8. Chapter 8: Surprise

**Disclaimer: I own a gassy dog, a lot of debt, and really wide hips, Twilight is not mine.**

**A/N: So I realize I've probably lost most of you because this story is no longer recognizable as a Twilight fanfic. It's taken on a completely different life and may be somewhat hard to keep up with, given the huge amount of time between updates. I apologize ten-fold. If you're still hanging in there with me… THANK YOU!!!!!!!! If you're confused to bits, send me a message and I'll try to dissect it for you.**

**Let me apologize for the delays in updates. I'm writing as much as I can when I can.**

**My team: Mombailey, Miss__Bratt, and Live720... 'nuff said!**

**No Return: Chapter 8: Surprises**

"Unbelievable," I grumbled beneath my breath, shakily grabbing the spare key from its usual spot in the eave of Charlie's house. I was angered, not at Alice, not even at Edward, but I was angered nonetheless. With an exasperated breath, I pushed my way inside to the house that was once my home. I needed a moment to center myself, just to lie down and calm my uncontrollable nerves before calling Jake. He'd be expecting me soon, and I had to derive a way of telling him Alice's wretched news. I couldn't just blurt out, "Oh, hi honey, by the way I'm gonna become a vampire." I believed it was in everyone's best interest that I break the news delicately. I could envision steam rolling from Jake's nose and his face turning red. With a slight giggle at the thought, I placed my bag by the door and headed for the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

Filling the glass half way full from the tap, I managed to devour two-thirds of its contents before I heard the footsteps. In the next seconds several things happened. I became acutely aware that I was not in the house alone, I dropped the glass on the counter and in the shuffle cut a four inch gash into the palm of my hand, and just before fainting to the floor, I realized my father had been keeping a very big secret from me.

"Bella, I'm so very sorry," a horrified voice sounded somewhere above me.

I raised my head and in between the blurred vision and dizziness I could make out a friendly, but embarrassed face. I blinked my eyes to focus better, and an unfamiliar but sweetly genuine smile came into view.

"How do you know me?" I asked the stranger.

"I'm Nancy," she announced cheerfully as if we were long time acquaintances, but I had no recognition of her. Was I supposed to know her? Was I supposed to know why she was in my father's house? Perhaps I should have known her but through the confusion in my mind I couldn't single her out. I lingered for a few seconds staring at her blankly.

"I'm a friend of your father's," she finally explained, the lines in her face evident of annoyance because I didn't know her by name. I sat upright, and she began wrapping my hand up into a dish towel. For a small cut the blood gushed, and I automatically worried.

"You scared me. I thought you were an intruder," she said.

"Yeah, I know the feeling," I said a little too harshly, part of me a little irritated by the current situation. She only looked at me sympathetically, and I tried to take her in. She had long red hair that was pulled loosely at the nape of her neck, secured with a rubber-band. She was close to Charlie's age, very natural with a beautiful smile, deep set green eyes, and a very tall, lean physique. I grimaced when she moved the towel to check the still bleeding wound. I could tell she was nurturing, and for a brief moment I thought she was exactly the type of person Charlie might need. I didn't entertain the thought long enough to dwell on it further, but I tucked it away, assuming that it would resurface later.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I had no idea you were stopping by. Your father didn't tell me."

"He didn't actually know," I admitted honestly. She grinned with crimson painting her cheeks once again, no matter what or who Nancy was; we had a few things in common.

"Surprise," I mumbled out to lighten the mood.

"Here let me get you another towel. You should probably go to the hospital."

_Was it possible for me to be in Forks more than five minutes without going to the hospital?_

By the time I had soaked through the second towel, I realized Nancy was right. She offered again to take me to the hospital, and I accepted. I called Jake on the way and told him to meet me at the emergency room; he really didn't require an explanation and said he was on his way.

I took the opportunity of the car ride to press Nancy for more details. It would alleviate the panic from the still bleeding wound, and allow me to focus on something other than the putrid smell of my blood. I knew Charlie wasn't big on houseguests, or even friends for that matter. She had said a "friend," but the implications of something more was there. I was dying to know if she was Charlie's girlfriend, which was the only logical explanation for her being in his house while he was gone. Charlie with a girlfriend. That was certainly a jaw-dropping thought. It was hard to think of him in that way, considering he'd been alone for most of his life. The longer I searched for an explanation the bigger my curiosity swelled.

"So, how'd you meet my dad?" I asked casually, erasing all hints of eagerness from my tone and elevating my hand as high as I could to relieve the throbbing pain shooting into my arm and chest.

She rolled down the window before replying, allowing the cool air to sweep in. The moment seemed to relax, and I felt better instantly. When I realized that the calming air was meant more for her than me, I thought perhaps I hadn't downplayed the enthusiasm enough. It was clear that she wanted to avoid the subject, but I just looked on expectantly.

"The diner," she stated simply. "I'm a waitress there."

"Oh," I replied, unable to find a transition into the interrogation brewing in my mind. "His home away from home," I said with a snigger.

She chuckled lightly. "Exactly."

I'm not sure what I expected her to say, but if she was Charlie's girlfriend, I was hoping for something at least half-way romantic. Depending on the tenure of her employment, in some states she could quite possibly have been considered Charlie's common law wife, considering the amount of time he spent there.

She seemed to relax when I didn't inquire further. I opted to stare meaninglessly out of the window and focus on not fainting from the still oozing blood. I had just met her, and she was being very gracious, I certainly didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. If reality meshed with the assumptions in my mind, then I believed Nancy would be a more permanent part of my life. What better way to acquaint her than an emergency room visit? We were already practically family.

I liked her. I liked the laugh-lines at the corner of her eyes, and her simple elegant beauty. I liked that she didn't talk much, but what I didn't like was that Charlie felt the need to conceal his "friend"-ship from his only daughter.

The bleeding had finally slowed enough that I could unclench my teeth. As soon as Nancy cornered the emergency parking lot, I saw Jake by the main entrance. Immediate relief washed through me just knowing he was there.

"Jake, this is Nancy. Nancy this is Jake," I quickly introduced them.

"Nice to meet you," he greeted her, completely unaware of who she was or the significance of her new role in our lives.

"I'll explain later," I whispered to him.

The familiar faces of Forks Hospital were somewhat a bittersweet welcome. Charlie's bond with the diner was very similar to mine with the emergency room, and I giggled in spite of myself.

"Hello, dear Bella, I wasn't expecting to see you."

"I couldn't let you get lonely, Dr. Porter," I retorted to the man who had become a stead in my life. I supposed he never thought replacing Carlisle would be so tiresome. But I assumed he had my insurance company to thank for his Mercedes. He had been a tremendous help in treating me after Arden was born. I felt a huge debt of gratitude to the gray-haired doctor.

"It looks like you need a few stitches," he said observing my hand.

He worked quietly for a few minutes cleaning up the wound and preparing the sutures. Jacob stood devotedly by my bedside fulfilling his marital role. I squeezed my eyes tight and thought about the beach in La Push and the way Arden would gingerly walk with one foot in the water, and one on the shore. She responded to each crashing wave the same way, new excitement. She would stop and allow the water to circle around her feet, and once the last trace of foam was gone, she would pick up the pace again. I could never grow tire of watching her experience the world. She and Jake were my life, my substance, and then the thoughts of Alice's vision interceded, and I quickly jerked myself back to reality.

"When did this happen?" Dr P. asked.

"Less than an hour ago."

"How much blood loss?"

"I'm not sure, two kitchen towels, and what's on my clothes."

"The cut really isn't too deep. I'll put a couple of stitches in it, but I want to run some tests if that's okay?"

"Is something wrong?" Jacob asked concerned.

"No reason for alarm, I'm concerned with the amount of bleeding. Just need to check your blood levels."

Dr. P was aware of my history, and I assured myself he was just being meticulous. I took his advice and instead of worrying over trivial things such as blood disorders, or debilitating vampire venom flowing freely in my veins, I focused on my anger for the current situation and my fear of becoming immortal. My hands started trembling and I felt warm fingers grasp them. _Jacob_.

Just as the nurse was finishing with the blood draw, Jacob's phone rang.

"I need to take this," he mouthed silently, slipping through the curtain wall. Once the nurse finished, I lay back on the paper covered pillow and closed my eyes, surprised at the amount of tranquility I felt. After a quick twenty minute doze, I was startled awake by the nurse and Dr. Porter.

"Bella, your blood levels look really good, and I don't see any need to keep you for further observation."

I breathed a sigh of relief because as much as I enjoyed a homecoming, I was anxious to get to Arden and Billy.

"There is one other thing," he interrupted my internal celebration, and I felt a hesitated worry. It wasn't a good sign that I had received the good news first, but I relaxed a little realizing he said I was free to go, so I smiled at him permissively, assuring him that I was ready for his announcement.

"You're pregnant," he said reservedly. "Surprise."

**

* * *

**

When the sound of the doctor's words actually resonated within my hearing faculty, I instantly collapsed in shock, equating my fainting spells for the day to two. When I came around, I was lying on the floor beside the bed surrounded by Dr. Porter, a couple of nurses, and a very confused and troubled looking Jacob. The intensity of his eyes burned me, and I knew that we had much to be fearful of. Dr. Porter retracted his declaration of releasing me, and because of my little mishap I would spend another 60 minutes in observation.

The hour passed slower than rusting metal in the desert. The tiny room was excruciatingly quiet, the silence and tension insufferable. Neither of us really knew what to say, and I'm not so sure if our emotions were displayed the mood would be any better.

The awkward silence was like an unreachable itch, tormenting and irritating, making its presence a priority over my thoughts and feelings. When I couldn't stand this present itch no longer, I resorted to radical measures and initiated a meaningless conversation to avoid the subject that needed to be dealt with.

"You liked Nancy?" I asked the question so comfortably; it was as if none of the unnerving events of the day existed. Jacob only looked at me in mass confusion, probably because he wasn't prepared for me to say something so arbitrary, or he didn't remember even meeting Nancy in the first place. He let out a long breath and turned his stare back to the floor. Instead of the multiple lines creasing his forehead urging me to explain myself further, or at the very least shut up altogether, I kept in stride with my topic.

"I can't believe Charlie would have a girlfriend and not feel the need to tell me." The news was big news, and its shock had been triumphed by my even bigger news, but nonetheless, Charlie would be dealt with for his dishonesty.

"I liked her," I continued as if I were being coerced to go on, grasping at keeping my fading conversation going. But to no avail, the result was more awkward silence. The blood pressure cuff tightened around my arm for the fourteenth time, and the the release of air disrupted the silence. I fought for something to say, a new topic of conversation, a question, something of interest but all I had was blanks, my mind too consumed by the last few hours to process weather or sports.

"Bella, you spent less than twenty minutes with her. It's a little presumptuous of you to like her," he finally said after a few minutes. Of course, his participation would be an argument, but he was completely engaged in ignoring the elephant in the room, and the conversation had been pumped full of new life and my immediate itch was satisfied.

"What does that mean?" I retorted with mock annoyance, not willing to surrender to the sensible points of his argument. In fact Nancy and Charlie were probably somewhere in the middle of the list of immediate worries, but of that list it was the most tolerable.

"You're investing a little too much into her. Maybe she's not even Charlie's girlfriend. She could have been a one night stand, or a stalker. Did you ever think about that? Given the dynamics of your life, I'm certain she's a deranged stalker who had broken in to steal Charlie's toothbrush and you interrupted her."

I giggled.

"It doesn't matter Bell, he didn't tell you for a reason. You need to respect him."

"There's no secret now, I know."

"Why don't you give him the opportunity to come clean? He'll know you know, but at least some part of it will be on his terms."

"I suppose I could keep quiet until he mentions it," I said halfway agreeing with him. I had never pried in Charlie's life and he had never pried in mine. I had no reason to be intrusive, even if there was a mysterious, leggy redhead at the center of my suspense.

"I believe you have bigger worries than Charlie's social status."

My plan had been working flawlessly, but the blanket concealing the "elephant" had been lifted and we were back to the tension.

Defeated and overwhelmed, I only nodded my acknowledgement, noticing for the first time the delicate position of my hands across my belly. I may have been fighting consciously to ignore the situation but subconsciously I was vastly aware of the miracle being performed, and somewhere in the depths of my soul I questioned if that miracle and Alice's vision were related.

Jacob placed his hand over mine, and sweetly caressed my fingers. I understood his fears and concerns, even more so, my own reservations were merited, but there was a child to overshadow all of that, and from that moment I knew I had only one priority. I looked at Jacob, smiling wide.

"Surprise!"

* * *

End Notes: I just want to apologize again for my failure to update more. Thank you for reading, reviews are welcome!


	9. Chapter 9: Haunted

**No Return: Chapter 9-Haunted**

**Disclaimer: this piece of fiction is purely for entertainment purposes, no copyright infringement intended. Stephenie Meyer and Little Brown Publishing are the respectful owners of the Twilight Saga. I own nothing!**

**A/N:**

**Greetings readers! I've picked up some new readership and want to welcome all of you aboard; I love your comments and reviews. I hope everyone has been enjoying life in between these terribly long updates. I've been very busy lately, started a new photography business in addition to my regular full-time job. The madness never ends. But behind the scenes I'm still writing. You just haven't seen it yet because it's taken a while to get it polished. Anyway enough of my lame excuses for being a horrible author and not updating sooner. On with the chapter! **

**Chapter 6 picks up in Edward's POV and is taking place the day before Alice and Jasper take Bella back to Forks. Lots of important details in this chapter that are foreshadowing the events to come. Pay close attention. I appreciate all of you for reading and reviewing, and if you've sent me a message on I'm sorry but I wasn't able to reply. **

**I know most of you do not like the Edward/Allison storyline. Even you die hard Jakers don't want Eddipus with another human… it really does seem quite wrong when you think about it. I mean its Edward, right? Perhaps I'll make Allison a mermaid or something equally marvelous, so she'll be easier tolerated. Nah, she's still a human girl.**

**Since we haven't heard from Edward in awhile let me recap his character as it relates to this story. Edward's on a journey of self rediscovery and Allison is just a part of that. It seems unfair that he spend eternity alone, of course if Alice's vision is accurate, that may not be the case entirely. (mwhahahahahaha) Edward is trying to live, trying to feel. Allison is the catalyst for that, she fills a void and although Edward doesn't realize it and he is trying hard to fight it, she is replacing Bella. But can Bella be replaced? Wasn't his love for her devoted and committed for all eternity? It's hard to imagine, and in reality we know you can't replace your true love with a similar substitute. He's not looking for a replacement. He has a genuine love for her, but not to the depths of his love for Bella! **

**Before I actually begin, let me apologize for all of the grammar errors, comma splices, and general misuse of the English language. You see my regular beta went and got herself all married, and I didn't want to interrupt the honeymoon ;) I couldn't find a replacement beta so you're getting this straight from me. I'm sure you'll notice a huge difference LOL! PS if any of you beta and want to take on another story, I'm finishing up chapter 10 right now.**

Chapter 9: Haunted (Edward's POV)

I had purposely avoided Allison since my sister's horrific unveiling of the possible future. It was a bit unfair of me, but I couldn't be near her and not be tormented by the things Alice saw. Every thought, every memory, was haunted by Bella and the tragic turn her life was about to take. Her fate was sealed by my carelessness and no amount of nobility or sacrifice would change that. To make matters worse I was sailing in familiar waters with Allison, foolishly risking her life as well. It was complete hypocrisy for me to entertain the thought of enjoying being with another human. Was I so foolish to let desperation and emptiness control all of my good sense? I had to clear my head, figure out my purpose, my plan, and having Allison around only clouded my already questionable judgment.

The day Alice revealed the vision to me I left a message to convince Allison that I was staying in Paris with my brother and sister in law. Nothing could have been farther from the truth. Emmett and Rosalie had been estranged from our family for quite awhile and their absence only added to the emptiness in my life. I missed them, and deep down I knew that my mistakes were the reason that they were now gone.

It was hard for me to be so dishonest with her. I had been committed to keeping our relationship as sincere as I could, without revealing what I truly was. My sacrifice had proved daunting, and I was slowly unraveling one thread at a time. Loneliness and insanity were the only friends I had, and I occupied myself by listening to music in my room, drowning in sorrow and regret. Carlisle and Esme were out of town on a romantic retreat. Alice was missing in action, and Jasper had left just moments before to go on an emergency hunting trip, muttering something about being "well prepared this time." His thoughts revealed nothing other than the usual devotion for my sister and fears that his past life as a monster could resurface at anytime. Jasper lived in a world of guilt over that night with Bella, blaming himself for his lack of control. Once our family reunited I began to see the self-inflicted torture that he put himself through for that one mistake. He reacted simply out of instinct. I was the fool who had constantly put her beautiful life in jeopardy.

With my family away, unfortunately, I still was not alone to figure out the mess I had created. Dexter was home and my tolerance of him was growing thin. Avoiding him generally worked out well as he cared no more for me than I did him. But today he seemed to be an extra nuisance. I needed to wallow in my thoughts, but I was constantly interrupted by Dexter's animated phone conversations with the local town council. He was a bit shortsighted, and when something lay heavy on his mind, he would stop at nothing to resolve the situation. It was easier to give in than fight, and most of the time he got what he wanted. He was similar to a spoiled child in that he rarely heard the word "no." His current dilemma centered around securing the remaining property on State Street, just another event in his ill-conceived agenda. His plight for the land was much more than procuring seclusion for our family, as he led Carlisle to believe. Dexter had an agenda, but he kept the details of which hidden away from me. He and Carlisle had bought the house we were living in just a few months ago and subsequently the surrounding lots. Now only one other property remained on the historic street. Although a one-time busy place, the property was now deserted. The dead-end street's entrance was barely visible from the roadway, and for several hundred yards all that remained was debris and fragments of the homes that once stood there. The business district and most of the residential areas had migrated closer to the water, leaving the historical area of Astoria abandoned and desolate. It was with that thought I could finally relate to the place I seemed to loathe.

Dexter had spent the greater portion of the day persuading Astoria's city council members to agree to sell the remaining lot of land. One by one he gave the same tiring speech.

"The property has sat empty for a great many years, it is of no use to the city. I've already began to develop this street as my private residence and that last piece of property is vital to the completion of my plans. I'm offering a generous amount that could benefit the city by building parks, or other recreation sites that people can enjoy."

Like most of us, it didn't take too much to persuade humans to see things our way. And after a few minutes of debate most everyone obliged. But it was the last member to stop the train in its track.

"Its historic value is of no real significance. Dr. Howard is commercialized all over this town, you don't need his run down childhood home…" Dexter argued bitterly to the person on the other end of the line.

"Councilman Jennings, I'm begging you to reconsider. All the other members have agreed. The mayor wants a unanimous decision. You're holding up my progress." The councilman was concerned with allowing the last bit of history to be forgotten. The land had belonged to Dr. Howard's family, and he grew up there. The land had been in his family until the city bought it, along with the rest of State Street, twenty years ago. "I really don't feel like it would be in the best interest of the city. My vote is no," the councilman announced.

"You'll be very sorry," Dexter threatened with a poisonous hiss. I had hoped that would be the end, but I heard a number being dialed, and the next voice was the Mayor of Astoria.

It was exhausting suffering through Dexter's campaign, and I had two options. I, momentarily, thought about killing him, but decided against it as Carlisle would be terribly upset. My other option was to just leave the house, and I was contemplating doing just that when I heard the engine of Dexter's Cadillac purr away from the house. Relieved, I sat back on the sofa and closed my eyes. It was these moments I wanted to be able to drift into unconsciousness, to escape reality. Instead I was left to play out every possible scenario leading up to Alice's image. It was possible that her vision wouldn't come to fruition, and if it did I wasn't certain I could change it anyway. I had tried that plan before. I wasn't Bella's savior. I couldn't allow her memory to haunt me and control me forever. But I couldn't let go either.

As the sun came up signaling a new morning I found myself alone in the woods just behind our house. A fresh kill of deer in my hands, and a momentary satisfaction on my lips, I was able to think clearly. I set about from tree top to tree top, allowing the wind to pass as I silently moved through the tall Oregon oaks. Bella's face was all I could manage to see. My mind so plagued with guilt and remorse it refused to think of anything else. I was uncertain of what was coming but I vowed that no matter what I would fight for Bella's life. I had given up everything to see that she remained human, I was in no way surrendering to fate now. I made it back home by mid day and noticed that Dexter's Cadillac was still gone, his familiar place undisturbed since he left yesterday.

The sky was covered by a muted painting of grey clouds, and with determination to make the day better, I decided I had to visit Allison. I could only deprive myself so long and she deserved better than lies and betrayal. Although it hurt to admit it, I was hoping to replace the images of Bella in my mind with happier ones of Allison. It seemed inequitable that Allison could never be more to me than a replacement…but if I were being honest, that's exactly what she had become on many levels.

Normally, I wouldn't have bothered her during volunteer hours, but I was growing more and more barren. Her smile could wipe away the worst of feelings, and I had been void of her goodness for too long. The assisted living center was on the opposite end of town, about a half mile from the main highway.

One quick stop by the candy store, and fifteen minutes later I was walking into the assisted living center. As I began to assess the minds inside the home, I became acutely aware of the fragility of human life. Given my eternal position I had never discounted it, but at the same time I had never fully appreciated it. I could eerily sense that for many of them around me the rest of their life could be calculated in mere days, and in some grand sense I became saddened by the loss that would come. Days, hours, weeks meant nothing to my kind, and to these people it was all they had. I dreaded the thoughts of another sunrise, another season, and the ones living here had no other hope. It was a sobering revelation and my mind immediately went to Bella. I quickly shook the vision from my head. I had thought more of her in the past few days than the days just after I left her. Bella was a piece of me, and in the depths of what could be considered my heart, I loved her. Without a claim to her my love, much like my nobility, was in vain.

I could see Allison in the thoughts of the residents as I narrowed in on her current surroundings. The front hall led through a maze of offices and storage closets, a closed dining room and another hall leading to the outside area. The memories and thoughts all seemed fond, and I knew she was special. What kind of person devotes their time to help those in their last chapter of life? It took a very special person to do that, a person that I was putting in jeopardy because of my pitiful selfishness. I began to think it would be best for me to leave, but as my mind teetered on doing the moral thing, my legs began moving, and my fingers encompassed the brass knob on the French doors leading to the courtyard. I couldn't help but to think that another sunrise, another spring time, would mean much more to me if she was around.

Allison was just within my grasp, and I could hardly contain myself. I couldn't wait to see her eyes, hear her laugh, touch her hand. Touching her was incredible, her warmth and life coursing from her body into mine. She usually allowed me the liberty of caressing her hand or arm, never wincing at the frigidity that was my flesh. Allison was intuitive and intelligent, but she never questioned my oddities. She ignored the obvious, and focused more on the moment and the feelings that accompanied that single moment. Completely content with the present, she was exactly what I had always needed-capable of accepting me without desiring any more of the mystery. _Perhaps if Bella had been less inquisitive_…. I had to diminish the thought quickly. The past and the present had a very thin border. A border I had to be careful not to cross. There was no comparison, the situations were different, and the needs were different. But the consequences were potentially the same.

The courtyard was more an eyesore than an actual abyss of comfort. A non-working fountain adorned the back wall along with several broken trellises and rusty park benches. A few plastic tables scattered the space in between potted fruit trees. There were only a handful of residents outside and at the middle table smiling brightly and heavy in conversation was Allison.

"Excuse me," I said quietly approaching them, careful not to go noticed.

"Edward," she beamed. "What a surprise!" Her smile was full of excitement, and I wondered if she had thought I wasn't returning. She stood and without thought wrapped her delicate arms around me. I breathed her in, her sweet smell taking me away from reality. My mouth watered as her scent burned through me. There was no craving to steal her life for my own desires. The reaction, contrarily, was because she allowed me to feel like I was living. I was content to stand there with her forever, feeling whole and complete.

Locking my arms tight around her I picked her up off the ground and squeezed her tight. Her body molded against me and instantly I was warmed by her goodness and purity. It was those split seconds when I felt the best, when I was no longer a monster, and I was the reason why she smiled. In the distance I heard some very obvious throat clearing reminding me that we were not alone. Breaking apart from her in pure agony I held onto her hand. I had to touch her to know she was real and that the excitement running through me was real.

"Um, Wilson this is my friend Edward. Edward this is Wilson," she introduced us.

"Nice to meet you sir," I said graciously to the elderly man with whom she was talking with just moments ago. He didn't seem very approachable, giving me a hard stare before speaking.

"I assume you've come to steal my date. Very well, I need a nap anyway." He turned his wheelchair to face her and with a nod and a wink he said, "Sweetie, when you get tired of this fellow, you know where to find me."

"I'm sorry to interrupt, "I said once the older gentleman had gone back inside.

"No, I'm glad you're here. My shift was over about ten minutes ago. But Wilson, well he's lonely."

"You're very righteous," I complimented her, finding her fingers and wrapping them in my own.

Allison laughed. "I only wish that were true," she replied dropping her eyes to the ground. She nervously traced the lines of the patio stone with the toe of her shoe, and I backed away.

"How was Paris?" she asked finally meeting my stare. Her eyes were warm, and any insecurities she possessed a moment ago had either been concealed or wiped away altogether.

"European," I responded allusively. I hoped that if I seemed uninterested she wouldn't press further. "Get your things and I'll meet you out front."

"Where are going?" she asked digging through an oversized bag for her keys.

"That's up to you," I said prying the bag away from her and tossing the keys gently at her.

"Thank you," she responded. "I'm not used to having you all to myself."

"Well, I suppose we could always go back to your dorm," I suggested noting the absence of the sun from the sky. I normally didn't visit Allison until after dark, but I was confident the sun would not be returning today.

"I'm afraid that is not an option."

"You're not on campus anymore," I asked a bit dejected from behind her as she fumbled with the door lock. It was selfish but I felt that I'd see her less if she wasn't on campus. Finally, she opened the door and turned to answer me.

"No," she responded eagerly. "One of the residents here owns a duplex just a block from campus, on Church Street." I knew the area well. Church Street ran adjacent to most of State Street. I felt pangs of fear just thinking of her being in proximity to our family. We weren't a threat to her, but exposing our secret was a very real possibility.

"The place is amazing; it's so beautiful and inspiring. I just love it. And as of right now I'm the only tenant," she began to explain. "Why don't you just follow me over there, and see for yourself."

I nodded and methodically did as she suggested. I seemed to be having a moment of revelation and regret when I had come searching for a moment relief.

I was a bit relieved to see that her new home was not in close proximity to our residence. I put the car into park and cut the engine. Allison was already out of her jeep and walking toward me. The wind caught her hair and she looked incredible. I grabbed the gift bag from Sweet Treats and met her at the corner of the driveway.

"I have something for you," I said walking behind her up to the house.

She stopped and turned, raising her eyebrows at me speculatively, but then she cautiously grabbed the red gingham bag and untied the white ribbon to reveal its contents. I had never given her a gift before, in fact I tried to keep our coupling as untraditional as I could.

"This is a lot of gummy bears," she said into the bag. It was only three pounds. I had to admit I didn't know very much about human food consumption, but three pounds didn't seem like very much.

"They're your favorite," I said.

"Yes," she responded with her face still halfway into the bag. "Do you realize that it will take me all semester to eat these?"

"A semester isn't very long," I assured her with more awareness than she could ever know.

She grinned, began to speak, and reverted back to smiling. She walked on to the door, turned the key and pushed it open.

Allison was excited to give me a tour, pointing out her likes and dislikes. I paid no real attention to the details of the house, finding Allison's enthusiasm more engaging. I did notice a piano in the front room, and a beautiful veranda off the back of the house where eventually settled for the evening. The sun had never made an appearance, and the birth of a new night loomed in the humid air of darkness. I sat contentedly by Allison in a metal glider on the veranda as she spoke on and on about the history of the house, and all the things she had fallen in love with.

I loved conversations with her; I loved being near her. She was interesting and poetic, a true individual with confidence and assurance. But I couldn't help but wonder if her curiosity was getting the best of her. If the reason she avoided the subject of us was because she was skeptical of what I was. It was only human nature to question, and she was observant. I had to seem very strange to her.

I wanted nothing more than to peek inside her thoughts. My own curiosity was running amidst. I had been faithful to my desire not to impose on her innermost feelings, but the end of the debate came when I realized that if I made myself aware of her perceptions then I could prevent repeating my past mistakes. If she's the least bit suspicious, I vowed to bring our relationship to an end. I argued that I could save both of us from the pain, but truthfully it already hurt me to think of losing her.

Her mind, as always, was a beautiful melody. Her thoughts were admiring and pleasant. She seemed so fragile sitting beside me, her legs tucked comfortably beneath her, and her head laid against the metal of the glider, just a breath away from my arm. Her mind was fixated on her new home, and making it her own.

"Allison," I said methodically trying to prompt her thoughts. I placed my hand gently against hers. Her eyes fluttered and she smiled timidly. She seemed so innocent and honest, and I was being deceitful and unfair. If I wanted to know her feelings I needed to be honest and ask. Instead, I was trying to trick her like the deceitful monster I pretended not to be.

"Allison," I said again, this time with a different agenda in mind. Was there anything more difficult than to resist knowing her feelings? I knew, no matter how badly I wanted to, there would be no satisfaction if I imposed on her thoughts.

"Edward," she responded confused by my obvious incoherency.

I could only smile at her. I was unable to betray her by listening to her mind and I didn't have the courage or the will power to learn the truth by asking. I closed her thoughts from my mind, and concentrated on just being with her. I really wanted to know how she felt, but I wasn't prepared to accept her feelings, no matter what they may be. For the remainder of the evening I pretended that everything was fine, and that everything I was doing was right. I held her as we watched a romantic comedy, and when she fell asleep in my arms, I moved her into her bed, lying beside of her. I wasn't guaranteed another moment of feeling as complete and whole as I did when I was with her. Bella floated in and out of my thoughts for the entire night, but I was quickly able to push them away. When morning presented itself, I slid away from her and into the kitchen. I had learned a great deal about cooking since being with Bella. It seemed my entire family liked to cook food for fun. I assessed the stock in the cabinets and fridge, and waited patiently for my sleeping beauty to wake. I was beginning to think of her as mine, and I knew that I had no claim to her.

"French toast?" Allison asked as she walked into the kitchen. She had pulled her hair loosely into a ponytail, leaving a few strands to accent her face. I guessed she hadn't left them there purposely, but she looked ravishing.

"Yes," I answered prideful, still admiring her beauty.

"European," she said with a smirk. "Smells good." She sat down at the breakfast table and I poured her a glass of orange juice. She eyed me cautiously, but never asked why I wasn't eating. I no longer pretended to be a human, we were far past that, but where exactly was still unclear.

Breakfast ended, and the conversation continued until eventually we were back outside in the metal glider as we were the night before. The dark clouds were still hanging high in the sky and I was happy for their return. It seemed fate was giving me another opportunity on a dreary Sunday morning. My thoughts quickly changed from bliss to apprehension and as my happiness slowly released, I realized I was back into the unknown place of wanting honesty.

"Allison," I said softly. She seemed lost in thought, sitting with her knees up and her chin resting lightly on them. Her arms were wrapped around her legs tight and her hands were clutched around the handle of an oversized coffee mug. She turned her face toward me, understanding and fear evident in her expression. Allison avoided the subject of "us" as much as I did.

"I need to know," I began, struggling through every syllable. I took in a deep breath. "You and I are on an unmistakable path, and its destination is still a bit unknown. We've never really said to each other where we hope it takes us…" I trailed off unable to continue. That beautiful tranquil place of comfort and living for the moment was gone. I had crossed the line and like a lunatic jumped headfirst into defining our relationship. A relationship that I knew was entirely wrong, and I was entirely undeserving of.

Allison straightened her body, angling her torso toward me and moving her feet to the stone paved patio beneath us. She too seemed like a balloon that had been deflated, trapped in that moment were the inevitable becomes reality.

_"I've known from the very beginning that being with you is seasonal. I also know that our season will end much too soon. You are like magic; I soften when you speak. Like now, I let the walls come down and talk freely about feelings I've tried to hide for months. I think of you like a waking dream, and if I try to hold onto you that's when you will disappear. I don't allow myself expectation or anticipation. I only allow myself to absorb every second with you as if it will be the last magical second we have, as if you are not really real." _

Her stare never left the sky. She spoke as if she was reciting a poem from memory, feeling every word in her soul and every emotion displayed with the way her lips moved, and the way the light flickered in her eyes.

She brought her stare to meet mine. She understood everything about me without knowing the truth. Her hands released their tight grasp on the mug and placed it gently on the patio floor. Was it possible to be that perceptive and not know? My body raged in hunger to be close to her. I wrapped her into me tightly. Her face moved closer to me and I held onto the last breath I had taken just before she spoke.

"Edward," she whispered. "Something deep inside of me tells me to run when you are near, but my heart tells me no. And it's an unfair fight because it seems so impossible to have you here and at the same time I never want you to go."

Her lips brushed mine delicately. Her taste and scent filled me with fevered delight. I was, for a split-second, alive. Her mouth molded into mine, and I dissolved into her. Her lips pressed eagerly against mine, her angelic breath floated against my face, and her heartbeat drummed against my hollow chest. A fire raged in me, sending sensations of life through every inch of my body.

I closed my eyes to savor the feelings dancing inside of me, rebellion for what I was running strong through me. I was free of the chains of immortality, if only for a second. It was that second just as my high had peaked that the fire stopped and the feeling of life fled from me as haunted visions of Bella shining in the sun consumed me and I broke away drowning in unbearable, regretful pain. Before I could explain to Allison, the haunting continued and I was immediately assaulted by a fragrance so strong and inviting, a scent singing for me to come and take pleasure in its goodness. My mouth watered as every urge in my body fought to flee, to run toward the music of satisfaction. Could it be? Had I completely gone insane? Had Bella finally incapacitated me to the point of utter lunacy?

There was no mistaking, it was her. She was close, and I had to find her. I sprang to my feet, not hiding the speed of which I moved, and I darted into the trees at the far end of the backyard. I clearly heard a pained broken voice call after me, "Edward, please don't go….not now."

**END NOTES:**

**Wow! That was a pretty long and intense chapter. I hope it wasn't too confusing. I know the Dexter storyline is a bit skewed since you're just getting bits and pieces. Here's a cliff notes version of what has happened with his character so far.**

**Dexter and Carlisle are working on a secret research project that will change their life. Astoria, more importantly Dr. Howard's lab, is a pivotal part of that research. Dexter has impure motives, and is not as dedicated to the Cullen coven as they are to him. He has a plan to own all the property on the street where they live. He will be able to have private access giving them more seclusion from the public. In addition to that reason, Dexter has another motive that will be explained in future chapters. He spent the greatest part of Friday (the day before Bella goes to Forks) persuading the town council members to sell him the last remaining lot on State Street. His campaign is cut short when the last member, Frank Jennings, denies his request. Dexter is furious and leaves out in a rage. Edward notices Saturday that Dexter has still not returned.**

**There's the condensed version. =) If you got questions, feel free to ask and I will try to answer you (if ffnet will let me )**

**Now go show your love! **


	10. Chapter 10: Home

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended to the original author or publisher of the Twilight Saga.

**A/N: In honor of the release of Eclipse this week, I'm updating again. Well not really, its mostly coincidental timing. Since we're on the subject, what's your thoughts on the movie? I honestly have loved Edward's character in the movies, but I really found him to be annoying in this one. Jacob was perfect - as always. LOL! Love you all, thanks for reading. The story will be a little more paced from here on out, I hope it doesn't get too boring. I'm taking the opportunity this chapter to focus on the relationships of the characters and of course preparing you for what's to come. **

Chapter 10: Home

Bella's POV

As soon as Dr. Porter signed my release I left a blazing trail from the hospital to the parking lot. An astonished Jacob stood in the distance, clutching my discharge papers and overnight bag while marveling at my unusual speed. I had much to think about and even more to do, but my family was my first priority. In that moment, I wanted to be home more than anything else in the world. Arden would melt away the concerns for my problems and I was just minutes from having her in my arms. I had been away from her too long and I felt like I was missing pieces of myself. I was already inside the car with my seatbelt fastened when Jacob sat down.

"In a hurry?" he asked doubtfully. "I could have pulled the car around for you," he added with a hint of dejection.

I just looked on in confusion by his accusation. "I'm not handicapped."

"You're not anxious to interrogate your father are you?" he asked.

"No. I promise I'll leave Charlie alone. I miss Arden and want to see Billy and Sue. **That. Is. All**." I replied innocently, speaking the last part very slowly and clearly for emphasis. I had vowed to let Charlie come clean on his terms, but if an opportunity presented itself, I would have surely taken it. My promise would be easily kept because the temptation was absent for the day, a fact that I needed to remind my cynical husband of.

"Besides, Charlie is teaching a gun safety class today. I couldn't harass him even if I wanted to," I said with a smirk hoping to end the issue.

"Lucky you," Jacob responded superficially with an incredibly wide smile.

"I'm not sure why this is a surprise. I suppose I should have seen it coming," I continued.

"Seen what coming?" he asked skeptically while backing the car out of the parking space.

"Charlie's last visit, he offered to help in the kitchen, and surprisingly he was quite proficient. I should have known there was a lady in his life. How else could he have gotten domesticated?" I sniggered at the eye-opener.

After a few seconds of processing my revelation, he melted me with a wide patronizing grin. "I love you, Bells," he said, planting a kiss on my forehead. I took in a deep breath, and watched the hospital fade as we drove out of the parking lot. Jacob seemed lost in thought, and I knew he was trying to make sense of the situation. No doubt he was concocting plan after plan to deal with our current situation. I appreciated his concern, but I knew all too well that there are some things you can't plan for. The best miracles are the ones that you never counted on or even asked for, and I couldn't wait for the miracle inside of me to be a part of our family. I wanted to reach out and relieve Jacob's encumbered weight and see life and happiness in his eyes.

Jacob balanced two separate identities. He was the carefree, charming, sweet man that I had fallen in love with, the man that I shared my life with and that enjoyed tea parties and dancing with his daughter. But he also had to be strong and fearless. For most of his life he had more responsibility than any one person ever needed, and he always seemed to balance it well, but at times I could see past the walls and behind them was a conflicted man in need of peace. I started to speak to him, but thought of nothing to really say. Content to sit in silence, I turned to face the window.

I found myself thinking of the new life inside of me. Dr. P insisted that I see my obstetrician as soon as I got back to Astoria. He calculated me to be at least twelve weeks along and almost out of my first trimester. I was a bit relieved to know that I already had the first part over, but I also knew the danger wouldn't surface until much later.

"Bella, are you feeling better? Is your arm okay?" my husband asked breaking me away from my thoughts.

"Yes," I responded. "I feel wonderful. What are a few stitches anyway?"

Jacob chuckled at my humorous acceptance of being the clumsiest person on the planet. I really deserved an award for such an achievement. At one time I was embarrassed by my overt displays of inelegance, but Jacob always made me comfortable. He gave me a sense of self and confidence, wiping away my doubts and inferiorities.

I was glad he hadn't mentioned my drive up here. I knew he wasn't ready to talk about it, and it seemed a lesser priority for both of us. We were both acutely aware that mentioning the Cullen's would no doubt end in an argument, ultimately ruining our weekend getaway. Our lives had been so tense the last few weeks that this time together was needed, without complication.

The town of Forks was always the same I noticed as we drove through the blinking caution light. Home wasn't too far, and my stomach was aching in eager anticipation to get back to my family. Thoughts of home began to bubble around me, the smell of Sue's kitchen, Billy's quiet laugh, and the tall trees and mountains surrounding our log cabin always prompted me to smile.

"Bells, I know you're real excited to get home, but I'm afraid we won't be able to stay the night in La Push. I'm really sorry," Jacob said, interrupting my revelry and bursting my bubble. It was as if he knew my thoughts, and thought nothing more of them than to destroy them. I felt like throwing a tantrum, kicking and screaming until he relented. I started to argue, to really fight for what I wanted, and I saw his face torn with guilt and remorse.

"Is something wrong?" I asked, concerned by his concerned expression and nervous head scratching. It was always easy to tell when Jacob was bothered. When he didn't want to upset me he always tried to keep his hands busy.

"When I left to take that call, I got some important news. It seems that one of the council members was murdered last night, and there has been an emergency meeting scheduled for this evening. I've been asked to be there. I really don't know why, but it seems that it's urgent."

I couldn't place it, but something was greatly askew. Jacob was the director for the Adult Literacy and Education program. Although a highly noble occupation, his role had very little to do with the proceedings of the town's business. I was apprehensive, but he at least seemed to be honest in that he didn't know anymore than I did.

I tried to hide my disappointment for Jacob's sake. I was already troubled by having to leave prematurely. I smiled expectantly, certain my mask was completely transparent.

"We'll come back real soon. I promise," he encouraged.

I was devastated and shattered to leave so quickly. This visit had turned out to be a nightmare. First the horrible revelation of Alice's vision, then Charlie's secret and a trip to the emergency room, and now having to leave altogether. I let out a long sigh.

When we arrived at Billy and Sue's all my self-pity seemed to disappear when Arden bounced outside to greet us.

"Mommmmmmmy," she welcomed me with excitement. I squatted down to her level and wrapped her up in my arms. Her soft skin felt so warm against me, and my heart became joyful once again. I pressed my cheek to hers holding her tight.

"Hi, sweetheart. I sure did miss you."

"I missed you, too."

"Papa Billy is a top secret spy," she informed me with great enthusiasm.

"Oh, really," I said playing along.

"Shh...it's a secret," she whispered.

I followed her lead inside the house. Sue had prepared a splendid lunch in my honor, and made sure to inspect Dr. Porter's handiwork on my hand. Billy and Arden went into the family room to escape punishment for being secret spies on the planet _Dazzle_. Her imagination was working in overdrive now that she had a willing accomplice and the adventures were limitless.

"Bella, I'm so sorry we missed your birthday," Sue said regrettably.

"No worries. I understand," I assured her.

"Charlie told us what a fantastic party you had."

"Yes, it really was, he did a good job." I acknowledged remembering Arden's excitement over my party.

"He thoroughly enjoyed it. Talked about it for days," she said admiringly. She had opened the door wide and I had no choice but to take the opportunity.

"Since we're on the subject of Charlie…" I began only to be interrupted by Jacob vociferously coughing next to me. I ignored him entirely giving him an elbow-punch in the ribs to silence anymore unnecessary outbursts. "I met Nancy this morning," I finished.

Sue's face turned a bit pink and a smile formed against her tiny lips to protect my father's secret.

"Bells, you promised," Jacob whispered through clenched teeth.

"I promised I wouldn't harass Charlie. Everyone else is fair game," I snipped.

"Well you know your father. He keeps things like this very private," she replied reluctantly before clearing the dishes and placing them in the sink. Jacob began to give me a stern-eyed stare, and I ignored him once again and joined her at the sink.

"Which is precisely why I need you to give me details," I pressed as she added dish soap to the now running tap water.

"I haven't been formally introduced myself, dear. All I really know is that he is quite smitten with her, and she has a very lovely personality. Billy and I know her from the diner."

Leave it to Sue to be diplomatic. "Bella, you should probably rest. It's been a rough day for you. Go enjoy your time here."

_My time here was almost over_, I groaned internally but went back to join Jacob at the table just as Seth was making his entrance.

"So, Bella-boo, whaddya say we toss around some pigskin?" Seth asked excitedly, flipping the adjacent chair around and resting his arms on the chair's back giving me a pleading look. He found extreme enjoyment in my lack of ability regarding sports.

"No, she doesn't feel like it," Jacob quickly answered for me.

I glanced at Seth with a smile to ease the welt from Jacob's snappy response.

"He's right. My hand is hurting," I said excusing Jacob's rude behavior, holding my bandaged hand up for added sympathy.

"Yeah Sethie, you're gonna be a doctor you should have known better," Leah teased from the backdoor.

"Do you have to always sneak in?" Seth asked. "That's why you can't get a man, you're

devious."

"Shut-up, I don't hear your phone ringing constantly with offers either," she said with a hard slap to the back of Seth's head before sitting beside of him.

"Cut it out you two," Sue scolded from the sink. Leah and Seth both gave an eye roll without looking at their mother. "I don't think those two will over grow up," she muttered under her breath.

"What are you doing here anyway Leah-nator?" Seth asked ruffling the back of Leah's freshly cropped hair.

"I actually came to see if Jake could check the brakes on my Jeep. It would be nice to have a real man around to do stuff like that," she said poking her brother in the ribs.

"Too bad you can't find yourself one," he mocked.

A few dirty looks later Jacob forced Leah outside to avoid a potential brawl. Jake had always been especially close with Leah and Seth, and their unique bond was incredible. Billy's marriage to Sue was only a formality, they were siblings long before then.

"Mommy, he's gone," Arden said bouncing into the room with Billy just a knot behind her. She began frantically pacing around the table with a worried expression, reminding me of a distant-eyed, furrowed brow miniature version of her father.

"Who's gone?" I asked with great concern, not entirely sure which realm of the world we were in. It was a safe bet that one of Arden's make believe characters was missing. It was a common occurrence for Lucky the Dragon or Margie the Walrus to disappear.

"Gordon is gone," she said near hysteria.

"Oh, I see. Have you asked the sheriff?"

"He's gone too. He's giving out gun permanents like Poppy."

"Permits," I corrected.

"Mimi, can you help us find our dinosaur?" Sue obliged and followed Billy and Arden outside to look for their lost friend.

"How's your internship?" I asked Seth once the screen door slammed.

"I never sleep or shower and I drink a lot of coffee," he replied. "But I'm having the time of my life."

"And the ladies…" I inquired as Seth got up to grab a bottle of water from the fridge.

"No time for ladies," he grinned shyly, sitting one down in front of me.

"Can I ask you about Billy? Is he…."

"If you're going to ask me if he's stubborn then the answer is most definitely. As for his health, he has a few setbacks and his lungs aren't as healthy as they should be, but with proper care and following orders he could be better."

"He seems so tired," I said.

"He refuses to wear the oxygen when we're here," he said pointing to the tank in the corner of the room. "It makes a huge difference in his overall health," he finished.

"Stubborn ole man," we said in unison.

I only got to spend two very short hours in La Push. I was relieved to see Billy was feeling better and his spirits seemed to be lifted. It was an incredibly sweet feeling being with my family. I thought that maybe Billy was missing us as much as we missed him. Arden would be staying another night with them and Charlie was bringing her home the next day. I wanted desperately to stay too, but I felt compelled to be with Jacob. He seemed so unsettled. Billy made me promise to come back as soon as I could. It was a promise I made not fully knowing if I could fulfill it. There was the possibility that I would become a vampire very soon, the mere thought sent chills over my entire body. It was one thing to leave my home in La Push and only have the occasional visit to look forward to, but if Alice's vision came to pass I wasn't sure I could ever be around them again.

I was thinking of my untimely fate when Billy found his way next to me. I noticed we were alone in the family room and I wondered how long I had been sitting there.

His face was layered with frailty and age, but beneath the hollow lids of his eyes, his strong gaze bore into me, and his love was present and sure.

"Billy, I need you to promise me that you'll take care of yourself, and not be so darn stubborn. Jacob needs you; we all do. Wear your oxygen."

"Oh sweet Bella, you worry too much about other people. Shouldn't you be more concerned with your own troubles?"

My father in law was an uncannily perceptive man. I just wasn't sure in this instance which troubles he was talking about and I allowed him to go on without protest. Jacob and I decided not to announce the pregnancy until we had a better grip on the situation. The future was uncertain, and we wouldn't to prevent them from the agonizing heartbreak and worry should things not turn out well.

"What exactly do you mean?" I asked forcing the lump of fear back down my throat.

"You are not happy in Oregon." He glanced out the window, and my eyes shifted too. I saw Jacob and Arden tossing a football outside with Seth. Simultaneously, we both smiled admiring the most important people in our lives. Once Billy decided that we wouldn't be interrupted and it was safe to continue he turned his gaze back to me. I continued to focus on Jacob, and how bad it hurt to admit that I was, in fact, not happy in Oregon.

"You have your act down well. Jacob believes it because he wants to; it's easier for him that way. Everyone else believes it because they don't see the real you, they see what you want them to see. But I see the unhappiness. I see the loneliness. I see it Bella, because for a long, long time I was acting, too."

"I'm fine…" I began to argue. I knew that Billy meant the accident that left him confined to a wheelchair and claimed the life of his first wife.

"Listen to me. You may not be able to change your circumstance, but you can change your outlook. Enjoy your life no matter where you may be or what you may be." He stopped short in mid thought, breathless and fatigued. It hurt me to see him declining and I wanted nothing more than to reach out and make everything go away.

"It goes so quickly; don't let it pass you by while you're acting. Let it pass you by while you're living."

He turned his wheelchair from me and began coughing violently. Sue came in from the adjacent room and helped him to put on his oxygen. I sat helpless watching her exhaustingly take care of him. His admiration was evident in the way he looked at her, and the way he brushed her face when she leaned over him. More importantly, through sacrifice and hardship, she returned the love.

It was always hard to leave home, and it was especially harder leaving Arden behind for another night. As we drove from La Push just around the last bend I glanced back to the overgrown driveway leading to our old home. If we were still living there I imagined that Arden and I would have spent the day raking leaves, but instead I only got to glimpse at the big Oak trees in our front yard as we hurried back to Astoria. I dozed on and off for most of the trip, leaving Jake alone with his thoughts.

When I looked up again we were just passed the Oregon state line and I could feel the ache in my heart as my real home was so far away. I leaned back and closed my eyes. Just as my thoughts had turned to Arden jumping in a pile of leaves in our front yard, and pumpkins decorating the porch steps of our La Push home, Jacobs's hand slid around mine. I squeezed tight to acknowledge him. Would he ever know how much of a sacrifice it was for me to follow him? To stay in Astoria? My heart was in two places and every minute that passed I wanted to put it back together. I thought about moving back to La Push. Allowing Jacob his opportunity in Oregon, and then when his work was finished he could join us. The separation would be horrible, but it could be managed. I wanted to be _home_. Then I thought of Billy and Sue. There weren't any uncomplicated relationships, but that's what made it worth it. Little efforts reap little rewards, big efforts reap big rewards, and efforts are nothing more than compromises and sacrifices. Billy was right. I may not be able to change the circumstance, but I could definitely change my outlook. I began tracing lines across Jacob's hand noticing how hot his skin felt against mine. La Push would always feel like home and I would always long to be there, but I needed Jacob. Imagining my life without him was excruciating and painful. I began to realize that _home_ wasn't necessarily a house or a yard; it wasn't a city or even a state. _Home_ was a feeling of comfort and ease, the one place that makes you whole and gives you security. _Home_ was with Jacob and Arden, and that is exactly where I determined I wanted to be. We wouldn't live in Oregon forever, and I was prepared to wait.

******Your feedback is very important to me, and I especially want to hear it. Maybe you've never commented on any story….well here's your chance. Even if you put "like" or "dislike" in the review box at least I'll know. Happy Eclipse watching to everyone!**  



	11. Chapter 11: Introductions

**Disclaimer: Do I own it? No. Do I love it? Yes. **

**Author's Note: Well this is the third update in about a month I guess. Crazy, eh? Well it may be a little bit before the next update as I've only gotten about 200 words written so far. But anyway... this chapter is crazy busy and lots going on. Thank you to Live720 for being the awesometastic beta that she is. I love that girl. And, I love all of you. Thank you for reviewing.**

Chapter 11: Introductions

"Bella, I want you to come with me," Jacob said in a mumble. I looked up from the bed to see him standing over me with a toothbrush dangling from his mouth wearing a half buttoned white oxford shirt, and my very favorite hug-the-right-places black pinstripe pants. We had arrived back at our house…our home, just minutes ago and Jacob was frantically trying to get dressed before his meeting started in twenty minutes. I had hoped to calm my escalating anxiety by lying down but my frustrations were only increasing.

"I don't have time to get ready," I called behind him not sure if he heard me through the mouth gargling. I hadn't considered accompanying him, and I hoped that he'd drop the insinuation. I rolled over onto my side to allow my thoughts to drown me in misery. I had searched repeatedly for answers inside my mind for the purpose of the hasty assembly that I wanted no part of. Partly, because I was truly concerned about the meeting itself, but mostly because I didn't want to think about Alice's vision, or the pregnancy, or any of my other problems. I had determined that it was best to fret over immediate troubles, and deal with the others when their time was closer.

Despite all the brain ravaging, and perceived logicality the meeting's purpose was still a great mystery. Admittedly, I feared that Jacob's project might be extended and moving back home would be further away. Although we weren't exactly sure how long he would be here, his official contract ended in May of next year. That reason seemed the most logical but not critical, it could have waited for a more appropriate time to be discussed. Perhaps Jacob was in some sort of trouble or the meeting could be part of a conspiracy ring. I realized how farcical my rationalizations were becoming, and I willed myself to change the course of my thoughts.

"Just throw something on," Jake yelled from the bathroom giving me a break from the enigmas in my mind. Was he seriously going to pressure me about going?

"Easy for you to say," I muttered beneath my breath.

"What does that mean?" I hadn't meant for him to actually hear me, observing that his senses were really keen lately. I was a tiny bit embarrassed to have to admit my insecurities to him, but I knew he'd persist until I answered.

"One, you're a man. By default your effort to get dressed is far less than that of a woman. Two, you look gorgeous no matter what. I however require some work and planning to become presentable," I explained. Before I could take another breath he was standing over me fidgeting with his tie.

"Bella, you'd be beautiful in a bag of garbage," he replied with sincerity. The compliment was a bit of an oxymoron and I laughed in spite of myself. He pulled me off the bed and to my feet smiling impishly.

"We're leaving in five minutes," he said, kissing my forehead taking away my choice to stay home. I walked aimlessly to the closet predicting nothing in there would be suitable for the occasion. Jacob fell in behind me molding his body against mine. I could feel his chest muscles against my back and I relaxed into him. He reached his arms around me and started moving the clothes on the closet rack. I closed my eyes and breathed him in. He felt amazing next to me; everything in me was alive as his heartbeat thumped against my back.

"Here...wear this," he said, placing a pair of black slacks and a blue cashmere sweater in my hands.

For a moment, I had forgotten the purpose of him standing there. I was completely lost in having him so close to me, and when he moved, I was left breathlessly clutching the wooden hangers in my hand.

I managed to compose myself enough to get dressed while he went downstairs. I ran a brush through my hair, and lightly applied some mascara and lipstick. I grabbed my purse from the floor and met Jacob in the garage.

In the rush to get ready I had forgotten to allow myself to worry over the actual meeting. But as soon as the car pulled into the nearly empty parking lot the edge resurfaced and my nerves were a wreck of emotions. The sky had gotten darker and I knew by the time we left it would be completely black.

"Is that the mayor's car?" I asked Jacob, observing a late model sedan with the darkest windows I'd ever seen parked in the row adjacent to us. The only other cars with that kind of tint belonged to presidents, aristocrats or Cullens. I dismissed the fleeting thought almost immediately as Jacob responded. "No, I don't believe so."

City Hall was quiet; it was disturbing being in a place that was normally active to be silent. It reminded me of the way school felt without the students. I took a seat on the front bench as Jacob walked onto the hardwood platform. He took a seat at the table adjacent to the seat designated for the Mayor in the familiar half moon of chairs. Sad faces were to be found as the chair assigned for councilman Jennings sat empty. Jacob and I were the only ones in attendance that didn't hold a political seat, and I felt like a polar bear in the desert. Everyone dressed casual, and the formalities were downplayed to the minimum, but I was still very far from comfortable.

The mayor entered,, and out of respect everyone rose to their feet, when he sat down, we all followed suit. I was a bundle of nerves and the pressure in my stomach was unsettling. I had sat in this room many times before, silently cheering my husband on as he gave his project meaning and purpose, and convinced the town and its leaders of its value. Jacob was a natural at leading others to his ideas and visions.

"Mr. Black, I suppose you're wondering why this meeting was called," the Mayor said evenly, and with authority.

Jacob nodded his affirmation and the pit of my stomach clenched tight. That had been the lingering question of the day, and I was beyond anxious to have an answer as I was certain Jacob was too.

"As you know...councilman Jennings was murdered."

Jacob nodded again, and I held my breath.

"The city is at a pivotal crossroads. Election is more than a year away, and we are midstream in some major projects. We can't afford to miss one step. Let me cut to the chase here. We are prepared to offer you the council seat in the interim. We have been impressed with you from day one. Your work ethic is flawless, and you have experience with writing grants, and organizing projects. We feel that you are well balanced in all facets of our business and that you would be an asset to our efforts. We couldn't think of a better person to carry on with the business of Astoria in the absence of Councilman Jennings. And given the amount of admiration he had toward you, I'm certain he would approve of your nomination."

My mind froze, and my inability to concentrate or accept the circumstance, as the case may be, was only heightened by the twitching and shaking of my hands and legs. I focused my eyes on the floor beneath me, my fingers jittering between my knees. I wanted to run away.

If Jacob said yes I would surely dissipate right here. This change would certainly pull Jacob away from us even more, not to mention extending our lives in Oregon.

"We plan to formally announce your position at next Thursday's meeting should you accept," one of the others added. I was too scared to look up to see who was speaking. I was afraid that if I moved the rest of my world would continue to shatter.

I sat still as a stone, the words echoing over and over. Finally I raised my head just as Jacob turned to look at me to gauge my reaction. I was certain that I was paler than normal, and the beads of sweat on my forehead felt heavier than bullets. My brain signaled for me to smile, to play the role of the supporting wife, to be happy for such an honorable appreciation of Jacob's hard work and intelligence. But my heart was broken and all my face could reveal was hurt. I suppose it wasn't convincing enough because Jacob gave me a warm smile, and turned back to face the others.

"I'm very honored that you chose me, and I would like the opportunity to think on it. A decision of this magnitude shouldn't be made in haste," he answered intelligently.

"Can you give us an answer by Wednesday?"

"Yes."

"Well Mr. Black we look forward to hearing from you."

At some point after that the meeting was adjourned, I was so lost in sadness that I couldn't see anything in my surroundings. All I could see was our family and home in La Push moving further away.

"Bella, we can go."

"Wha…" I looked around to see the others filing out of the room, and its emptiness was nothing compared to mine. Jacob stood at the end of the bench and although it was just a few inches it seemed liked miles.

I felt like I had betrayed myself for becoming so lost at the thoughts of staying. I had resolved to accept the winds of life, but here I sat pouting. I looked up to meet Jacob's unsure eyes. I was being selfish again. This was just another circumstance. I still had everything that was most important and my husband had a critical decision to make. He needed my support.

We walked back to the car in silence, both of us lost in thought, but for different reasons. I knew Jacob was weighing the options of the decisions. I had followed the ground beneath me all the way to the car, too fearful to look in his eyes. I didn't want to hurt him, nor did I want to discuss his decision. I was too emotional to plead my case. I stopped abruptly at the passenger door and noticed Jake was a few steps behind me. I dropped my head until he joined me.

"Let's go get something to eat, I'm starved," he announced unlocking the car and tucking the remote into his pocket. He grabbed my wrists and waited until I looked up at him. It took a lion's amount of courage, but my eyes found his. He studied my expression, which undoubtedly told every emotion inside of me, and he brought my hands to his lips and kissed them delicately.

"Bella, why aren't you happy about this nomination?"

I tried to put some order to the reasons screaming inside of my mind, but the thoughts were coming too quickly and I wasn't able to process anything in verbal form.

"I don't like to see you so troubled. This is a good opportunity for us," he added for arguments sake. He thought I was being stubborn by remaining silent, but I wasn't able to respond. I wanted so badly to give him my opinions, but they all seemed selfish, and it was safest to keep them to myself.

"We'll discuss this more over dinner," he said releasing my hands and opening the door. I was relieved for a moment and tried to gather myself to be able to argue my case without completely losing control.

We stopped at the pizza place on the corner. The dashboard clock display said 9:30. Once inside I noticed the place was practically deserted. We sat in a front row booth by a window.

Once the waitress brought our drinks and took our order, Jacob excused himself to go the men's room and I took the opportunity to collect my thoughts and put some order into my debate.

"So, are we ready to talk about this?" he asked returning to his seat across from me.

"Ready as I'll ever be," I said lightly.

Jacob smiled. "I'll let you begin. Spill it."

"Your family, what about us? We hardly see you as it is. Can you really add anything more to your plate? I'm concerned that we'll grow even further apart." I fought with the straw in my glass of water, taking out unnecessary frustrations on an inanimate object.

"Bells, I would have to resign as project director. It would be a conflict for me to be a council member and direct a city program. I could still work with project in a regular Monday through Friday position. You'd see me so much you'd be sick of me," he countered. I had to admit I would like the fact that he might be at home more and that aspect did sound appealing to me.

"La Push. I really want to go back home," I said.

"This position is only interim, the election is next year. It will only be a few extra months longer than our original arrangements." I wasn't sure I could make it a few extra months, but I couldn't readily admit that to him. It would crush Jake to know exactly how unhappy I had been in Oregon.

"The baby will be here by then," I reminded him. It was my last hope of changing his mind.  
He straightened at the mention of our child and for the first time since the discussion began I felt like I was on the winner's side. Family was important to Jacob, and having a baby meant having a lot of people to love. It was just rez tradition to have the entire family involved in nurturing a child.

"Bella, I really would love this opportunity. You know I've had political aspirations for a long time. This is a chance to get my feet wet."

And there he said exactly what I was afraid of him saying. I knew Jacob, too well. He would not be satisfied being a council member. He would continue until he was mayor, then governor, then president. I didn't want to hold him back from greatness, but I had hoped greatness would come a little bit later in life and a little closer to home. I had forced the thoughts from my mind, but I wasn't sure how much human life I had left, and perhaps, none of this would even matter, but I wanted every second with him spent in happiness.

"The future is never sure. It doesn't matter if we are in Astoria, La Push, or some little village in Ireland. It's being together, to fight together, to stand together, to be strong together, that's what makes the difference. I want this, Bella, but I'll respect your feelings, too. I can say no, if you tell me you want me to."

I sat for several minutes thinking about what Jacob said. There was no certainty in the future, he was definitely right about that. I could tell him I didn't want him to accept, but could I live with myself for killing his dreams? No, I couldn't.

"Jacob, I want you to make the decision that is best for you. I'll support you. Even if I don't want to, I will support you."

I suppose I could have given him a more diplomatic answer, but I felt entitled to at least one moment of bitterness. Luckily, our food arrived and the argument, for now, had ended. I didn't win, but I didn't really lose either. I still had what was important to me.

The snooze alarm sounded for the second time prompting me to my feet. Seven seemed too early to wake up on a Sunday morning, but Jacob was already gone to his office, and I had fought with sleep long enough. I tried to clear my mind of last night's events, Alice's vision and of the pregnancy and focus on the day ahead of me. Of course as soon as my feet hit the floor, the nauseous feeling in my stomach struggled free and I found myself perched over the porcelain bowl in the bathroom for the better part of thirty minutes. When I was convinced that nothing else could possibly find its way out of my esophagus I laid the lid down and rested my head against the cool plastic. I needed to pull myself together. Charlie would be bringing Arden home later and I didn't want him to see me in this mess. Tears begin to silently slip away and I realized how ridiculous my life was becoming. I was strong, I had conquered much more extreme circumstances and I could overcome this. I stood to my feet with a new sense of fight for the battle, but found that I may have become a warrior too quickly. My stomach cramped up and the pain knocked me back down on my knees. I inched my way over to the sink and pulled myself up. The cramping had subsided and I was able to splash myself with cold water.

Some warrior I had turned out to be, a few minutes later I found myself lying face first on my unmade bed. The smell of stale sheets and dried vomit made me queasy again and I rolled over for fresh air in spite of myself. I thought of Alice and worried that I had been too harsh with her. I needed her friendship, especially now that Astoria was becoming our permanent home. I groaned out loud as the thought crossed my mind.

My laptop was lying in the floor beside the bed and I pulled it up to occupy some time. I still felt some pressure in my stomach and decided to just wait it out until it passed. I hopped around several rationalizations and decided the pain was a result of stress, pregnancy, and poor diet. The first email I came to was from the principal.

Astoria City Schools will be closed Monday and Tuesday in honor of the untimely passing of Councilman Hugh Jennings. A memorial service will be held on Tuesday at 7:00 pm at the City Building. All faculty and staff are asked to attend.

It was sobering when I realized that I had been feeling sorry for myself because of Jacob's opportunity. I had been selfish, not once had I really felt sorrow that this man lost his life. This man had died, been murdered no less, his wife and children and friends stricken with unbearable pain and their lives permanently broken and altered. I had been very selfish indeed. I still had everything that was important to me, all the rest of it was just miniscule setbacks. I could live with the unpredictable waves of life. I decided that I needed to speak to Alice. I wanted Alice as a friend, and I hoped she hadn't already left.

I thought about hanging up after the second ring. After all I hadn't prepared what I would say, but on the third ring she picked up.

"Hello, Bella."

"Alice, good morning. I want to apologize for being so harsh yesterday. I…"

"Think nothing of it. Are you well today?"

"I'm getting there. I have some rather big news for you."

"Oh really," she said excitedly. It was rare for anything to be a surprise, and Alice welcomed it with bright enthusiasm. I decided to keep the pregnancy to myself.

"I believe we are staying in Astoria a little longer than I had hoped."

"Why?"

"Councilman Jennings was murdered Friday evening, and Jacob has been appointed as the interim replacement. I wasn't supportive of his decision to accept, but I'm beginning to…"

"Did you say a council member?"

"Yes, it has been all over the local news."

"This happened on Friday evening?"

"Yes."

The silence on the other end was inexplicably eerie and I wondered if Alice was seeing something.

"Alice…"

"Bella, where is Arden?"

"She's coming home later with Charlie."

"Listen to me carefully. I want you to get out of that house. It may not be safe. I'm going to give you directions to our home. I will meet you there as soon as possible."

"Where are you?"

"I'll see you soon."

Frantically I changed clothes and freshened up. I wasn't sure why I was running but a familiarity came with it. I grabbed the piece of paper with Alice's directions on it, and shortly I was driving down a deserted street. Just as I was about to declare myself lost, I saw the house, an exquisite Victorian with a wraparound porch, and beautiful ornamental eaves. The house certainly stood out on the street of deserted buildings. I cut the engine and headed inside. The front door was unlocked, as I had anticipated.

The Cullen's new home was everything I had expected and yet completely surprising. Every detail was immaculate and every piece was stunning, and all of it was very different than their modern home in Forks. Much like most of Astoria, the old home held a certain charm. The winding staircase was original to the home, and all the moldings were traditional. Most of the fixtures were turn of the century and in wonderful condition. I assumed most of the pieces to have been bought new by Carlisle and Esme. Every inch of the front entry was timeless, tasteful and homey; it definitely had Esme's touch.

I sat down on an extremely oversized wooden bench while I waited for Alice. She would be here soon, I hoped. The cramping from earlier slowly returned, and I started scoping the home for a bathroom. I followed a tapestry lined hall down to the corner.

At that moment, the details of my surroundings became a bit fuzzy. I couldn't tell if it was the increasing pain in my stomach or the flash of pale marble in my peripheral view. Either way, I considered fainting or at least thought I might, but I found myself too scared to actually collapse.

"Bella Black," a smooth downy voice echoed from behind me. I turned my head just an inch and squeezed my eyes until he came into view. He towered over me by about nine inches. His beauty was undeniably that of an immortal, and his eyes glowered deep black and hollow, undeniably that of a monster. There was a trace of something in them that I recognized, something I had seen before in the eyes of James and Laurent, an unmistakable evil that wanted nothing more than to kill me.

Before I could catch my breath, he was directly in front of me his face close enough to mine to send chills across my entire body. His breath was sweet and intoxicating. He moved closer, the plane of his nose slowly exploring my throat in a primal naturalistic motion.

I remained still, helpless and trapped trying to control the wild beating beneath my chest. I felt like a defenseless gazelle in the clutches of a lion, the critical moment when the prey realizes it is actually prey.

"I saw you last night at the meeting," he said softly, moving his face back into my line of sight.

My mind immediately flashed back to the sedan in the parking lot and instantly I knew the vampire before me was Dexter.

"You were in the parking lot?" I asked.

"Yes, but I was present for the meeting, I was an unnoticed guest," he smiled. "I have a vested interest in the town's business, but before I continue answering your questions, I have a few of my own. For instance, why are you in my home?"

"I'm a friend of Alice's...of Carlisle's," I replied, hoping to dissuade him from harming me. I believed Dexter to respect Carlisle. If they worked together as closely as Alice had said then there had to be a trusting relationship. One I hoped would save my life.

"You are a human?"

"Yes," I replied. He seemed to accept my answer, rationalizing that the Cullen's were domesticated enough to have a human friend. His body shifted to rigid and his head moved slowly to the side, as if he was trying hard to hear something in the distance.

"I knew Edward was fond of humans. I just thought he liked to have a pet, I didn't realize the rest of the clan was so admiring of them too," he said amused.

At the mention of Edward, chills raced all over my body and I shook with an insoluble force. Did he know about my involvement with Edward?

"I must go now, Mrs. Black, but I'll see you again real soon." His promise was dark and sinister, and I completely believed it to be true. He wasn't being polite, he was threatening me, but for what reason I didn't know.

My eyes blinked by instinct and when I opened them he was gone. In his place was Alice and Jasper.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked.

"Yes," I replied hesitantly.

"I met Dexter just now," I said. Jasper followed the path that Dexter took outside, and he vanished just as quickly.

"Yes I saw him, Bella, we need to talk." There was urgency in her voice, and I was fearful of what she would say next. I knew Alice's vision was approaching reality, and I had not prepared for it.

"When I spoke to you on the phone, I had a vision. From what you've told me and from recent events here, I believe Dexter is responsible for the murder of Councilman Jennings. He is being reckless and careless."

"You think he's coming after Jake?" I asked terrified of the answer. It was a perfect explanation for him attending the meeting. I had to find Jacob and warn him. He was defenseless against a vampire now. My arms and legs began trembling, and I could feel my heart racing.

"It's worse than that," she replied. "Dexter has been on the radar of the Volturi for a long time. He has provoked them now. They are coming."

Volturi?" I asked. I vaguely remembered Edward mentioning the Volturi as he was explaining  
Carlise's past to me, but I wasn't exactly sure what they were.

"Are they bad?" I asked unable to remember.

"They try to keep order within our world, to keep our secret. When there is a threat or a misuse of our abilities they bring a stop to it."

"So you have rules?" I asked intrigued. Their lives had always appealed to me in an unexplainable way, and this was just one more facet that I never got to see.

"Only one. Humans must never know. As long as the secret is protected then the Volturi can be peaceful, but there are extreme consequences when the secret is revealed to a human."

Her delicate porcelain face was twisted in fear, and she seemed vulnerable.

"I know the secret," I whispered with a gasp, realizing the entire world as I knew it was about to change.

**A/N: Well there you have it...thoughts...please!**


	12. Chapter 12: Unexpected

****

Disclaimer: This story is strictly for entertainment, no copyright infringement intended.

A/N: Hey guys, I'm still sorting through this story. Type…delete…type…delete. That's pretty much all I've been doing. I want the best possible story I can give and unfortunately I'm blocked like cheese. Anyway this is a short chapter and I've been working on it for it weeks. But I wanted to let you know I haven't forsaken you and the story is very much alive in my heart. I seem to keep losing readers because of the delay in updates, don't give up just yet ;)  
Huge thank you to Live720.

Chapter 12: Unexpected

"Bella, we have to notify Carlisle and Esme. Could you excuse us for just a moment?" Alice said politely, dimly smiling. Her eyes were bright but hard. She flitted out of sight clutching Jasper's hand. I was certain that she was being honest. Something that could potentially damage their family dynamic would be reason for concern and their family was in jeopardy. But I was also certain she needed to talk to her partner out of the human's ear shot. I couldn't help but to question the loyalty of my vampire friends and then I silently scolded myself for allowing such thoughts.

I wandered back into the same hallway searching again for a bathroom. I finally found a half bath tucked at the end of the hallway. The sickness from the morning had resurfaced and I found myself heaving with enough force to crack a rib. I finally stopped, exhausted and dehydrated. My stomach ached and clenched, rippling pain from side to side. I stood up and splashed my face with cold water from the pedestal sink hardly recognizing the dark circles under my eyes. After composing myself, I went to look for Alice.

Just as I turned the corner I stopped on instinct, I lifted my eyes from the deep green Parisian rug and standing at the staircase was Edward. My heart stopped for a second and its return to life signaled me to breathe. I hadn't expected to see him today. I'm not sure if the thought had entered my mind at all. Of course it made sense. This was his house, but encountering him had never registered. The possibility lost somewhere in the sea of my problems.

"Hello, Bella," he said, fluidly like warm honey.

He was the same as I remembered-majestically beautiful, divinely sculpted, and perfect. His eyes were like liquid topaz with flecks of gold-satisfied, recently fed with a faint of violet bruising beneath them. His crooked smile was familiar, inviting. Had I really expected him to change? It was as if I had imagined him, concocted through some regal dream. The memories suppressed for so long that they could no longer do him justice, almost like meeting a character from a fairy tale. I could only look at his face, his perfection. It was easy to see why I was always so drawn to him-he was euphorically breathtaking.

"Hi," I finally mumbled in response to him, unable to look away from his marbled complexion. It was amazing to me how my life really began with him, and how he was responsible for my life now. Just one of the many paths I had to take to get where I was going.

I awaited the pleasantries that would surely come. Edward was too much of a gentleman not to exchange in a formal banter of politeness. After all, we closed things on friendly terms in Iowa; we were nothing more than old chums. Yet, I still wanted to run away and escape the reunion that was to come. I feared unavoidable pain. It was almost a certainty when it came to Edward.

"You smell very nice," he said with a bit of chagrin in his tone. His lighthearted smile reminded me of happier times with him.

"Thank you," I muttered with a stinging tone.

Edward chuckled darkly. "I expected you to be frightened. I would assume that with maturity you would come to your good senses, but I believe you are at perfect ease."

Maturity. I had to admit that the phrase stung just a bit. Edward would remain flawless, beautiful for the rest of time, and with every passing second my youth was being stolen from me. I couldn't help but to think of how it must hurt him to see me and know he had once loved something like me.

"I wouldn't exactly say perfect ease," I assured him.

He chuckled. "It's very hard to resist you." His eyes grew solemn and his stare intensified against mine. "I was about a half mile away from here, and the wind carried your scent to me." He closed his eyes savoring the memory. "After all this time it still calls out to me. You are very recognizable." He glanced back at me. His lips turned up in standard fashion revealing a glimmer of sparkling white teeth. "It's like a very familiar song."

"If that is a compliment, thank you."

His smile was still alive but somehow his eyes reflected something else.

I studied Edward's face. I knew the power my blood held over him, and I couldn't help but question if he was as willing to resist me now as he did back then. We exchanged stares for several more moments. Neither one of us was prepared for this meeting, and neither one of us able to speak through the uncomfortable tension of the situation. Beneath his courtesies, his eyes were paralyzed with misery and he seemed vexed with troubles. I could never stand to see him like this; he was too pure to be hurt. I wanted so badly to know what he was thinking, to be able to comfort him.

"You seem sad to me," I said finally. His brows pulled together in confusion. "Is it because I'm here?" I asked afraid of his answer. Somehow the thoughts of more rejection from him seemed unbearable. I knew that the past was nothing more than teenage infatuation but the pain he caused was real.

Although I whole-heartedly loved Edward at one time, my love for Jacob was far greater than any feelings I ever had for the pallid skinned vampire. But, nonetheless, I had at one time loved him immensely.

He wrinkled his brow and his eyes closed. He seemed annoyed. I wondered if I was missing something obvious. I stood quietly beside him, and then he opened his eyes tentatively locking his gaze deep into mine. "No, Bella, I'm sad for many reasons, but seeing you is not one of them."

"Oh," I managed to stutter with bated breath as the mood became serious and the soft wind of his breath circling my face made me dizzy. I took a deep breath to re-center myself. "I thought you were disappointed that I was still alive. Maybe that you lost a bet or something," I joked.

"What, Bella?" He seemed to miss the implication of my comedic attempt to cut the tension.

"I was kidding, Edward. You know, Bella the danger magnet, princess of peril, proverbial damsel in distress. The girl who seems to live at the throws of death."

He grimaced but seemed relieved.

"Why are you here?" he asked, closing the distance between us. His sweet smell captivated my senses, stopping my effort to breathe. I swallowed hard realizing the irony of my former joke, because once again my life was in danger. I really was the princess of peril.

"I don't exactly know. Alice," I explained backing away from him. I needed some space between us to keep my head clear. It was hard to think with the attack on my senses. It was obvious he hadn't been clued in to Alice's vision, or to Dexter's activity. He stepped closer to me and I moved back yet again. I couldn't get very far as the wall closed in around us and I searched for an escape. My stomach felt like it was being ripped apart by the increased cramps.

"Bella," Alice called from the front of the house.

Edward looked at me repentantly. "She's back here," he called.

The next moment, Alice was beside me and Edward was gone.

"Are you okay?" she asked with thick concern. I only nodded. Alice smiled warmly to comfort me. In the next room I could tell that Jasper was filling Edward in on everything going on. I couldn't make out the words, but the tones were concise. In a moment, Alice grabbed my hand and we joined them.

I found myself in the Cullen home, surrounded by Alice and Jasper and Edward. The front parlor was exquisite and every stunning inch was breathtaking. I sat on an oversized chair covered with black toile fabric just by the fireplace. Alice and Jasper sat next to each other on the white velour Queen Anne sofa in the center of the room, and Edward stood directly behind them. All of them were deeply concerned and remained unmovable.

"Carlisle and Esme will be home soon," Alice said for my benefit.

"How long?" Edward asked.

"It's unsure," she answered, and I realized that the question wasn't in relation to the arrival of their parental unit.

"Jasper and I will be leaving tonight. Edward, you must protect Bella. I can't leave without knowing she'll be safe."

No additional explanation was needed, Edward had a first-hand glimpse at the things that had already transpired and of the things Alice predicted were to come.

"Edward, in order to stop Dexter we have to understand his motives. Do you know why he wants the property so badly?" Jasper asked.

"It's possible the research is related. Although progress has been dormant for a while now, Dexter is still heavily involved. Carlisle has suspended his portion, but Dexter continues."

"Research?" I asked. I was aware of the purpose behind the Cullen's residence in Astoria, but the precise details were all too vague. I hadn't really invested much interest into it, concerned more about Edward, and his acceptance of me, or how he could devastate my current life. I realized for the first time how selfish I really seemed.

"Carlisle happened upon an experiment that could potentially reverse the effects of our curse. It was something he casually flirted with from time to time, but after Iowa, he got more serious about it. It went from a simple theory to a possibility. A long shot, but a possibility. Later, Dexter came on board to give him a unique perspective, and eventually it led into a partnership."

"You mean….to make you…"

"Mortal?" he asked with a sinister grin. "Yes, that's precisely what I mean." He seemed skeptical, almost amused by absurdity of their fate changing.

I felt like the wind had been knocked from me. Was that a possibility? The thought of reversing such an ill-fated curse was foreign to me. When the Cullen's were my life, all I could process was being one of them. The possibility of their destiny reversing had never once occurred to me. If this revelation had been discovered while Edward and I were still together, I wondered if his outlook would be different.

"There is great significance in Dr. Howard's research from the eighties. It is what Dexter believes to be the missing link of his progress. The FDA banned Doc Howard from getting patents on a machine that could potentially restart a dead heart several years after death.

He was years away from completion but was definitely breaking ground. The government stopped him. The chaos that would have been created had he been successful was unthinkable. Dexter is convinced that the fundamental components of that machine could be altered to work on us given his unique abilities. It's ridiculous really. Not too many of our kind would even be interested in returning to their former state. Not that it would ever be possible. Even Carlisle has abandoned the theory."

"Edward, how could you not have been alarmed?" Jasper asked.

"He was too preoccupied," Alice snipped, shooting a daggering glance. I didn't fully understand the hostility between the two of them, but something in their relationship had changed. Was I the reason? But then I thought how insignificant I must have been to all of them. I was only a part of their life for a few short months. I surely wouldn't have made an impact on their bonds that had lasted decades.

"What are we to do?" Jasper asked.

"Well, what we know is that Dexter is out of control, killing prominent members of society. Who knows what his next move is."

"You should call Jacob," Alice said. "It's time to tell him."

I wasn't sure if Alice was being sincere or if she just wanted rid of me. Either way, I was glad to get out of the room. I tried calling Jake's cell and I also tried calling his office. No answer.

I left a couple of messages and hoped he'd call me soon. I called Charlie and told him school had been cancelled and that he was welcome to keep Arden another day. He didn't argue. At least she was safe.

Time ticked away slowly, and the room remained quiet. About two hours had passed since my encounter with Dexter. Edward eventually excused himself, and Alice wandered off to make plane reservations. Jasper and I sat alone in the living room in silence.

I was lost in thought when he came to sit next to me. Jasper was always discreet around me – until he tried to kill me anyway. He never got too close, overly careful. But I could sense an overwhelming ease and I knew he was responsible for it. I could only imagine what tension he must have felt emanating from my body.

"Bella, have you told anybody?" he asked without making eye contact.

I was shocked by his question. Of course I hadn't told. I had kept their secret faithfully.

"I would never do anything to jeopardize your family. I haven't told a soul. You have to believe me." I was almost pleading. I loved their family and despite everything I had been through I would not betray them.

"No," he said with a slight grin. "I meant about the baby."

"How do you know?"

"I feel everything you feel. You have a very deep connection to this child already."

"Jacob knows," I said. He smiled apathetically at me.  
"Jasper, what's going to happen? What does she see?" I had avoided asking this question since my arrival. I was too fearful of the answer, but I had more at stake than just my life.

"Dexter knows the holes in her visions. He's definitely using that to his advantage. He's not the real problem. Don't get me wrong, he's dangerous and we have to stop him. But the Volturi is the reason Alice and I are leaving. They could be here by morning. Carlisle has told us of them and their own gifts. Aro, much like Edward, can read thoughts. With one touch he can see every thought that someone has had. There are no concealing secrets."

At the realization of how soon my eminent doom was upon me, I became sick. If this Volturi vampire touched any one of us, he'd know that I knew the secret. I still hadn't heard from Jake which only added to my worry. Jake knew the secret too. I could feel small beads of sweat forming on my forehead as I absorbed the peril he was in. I had only thought what would happen to my family if something happened to me, but if both of us, were to... I couldn't think it. I had to redirect my thoughts. I hadn't gotten this far to lose now.

"Bella, we're gonna do everything we can to keep you safe. Me and Alice have to leave to protect you. Edward will not let anything happen to you."

"Wouldn't it make more sense for me to just leave?" I questioned.

"They will find you and every human in their path will be at risk."

"But Jake and Arden," I tried to explain.

"I know it's scary, but when Carlisle and Esme get here, we're going to figure all of this out."

I wanted to be reassured by Jasper's words, but all I could think of was the long moments of waiting.

"Jas, turn on the TV," Alice instructed. I hadn't realized that she had come back into the room. I looked up to see that she was even paler than normal and that her bottom lip seemed to quiver. Something was terribly wrong.

**A/N: Cliffie...again.**


	13. Chapter 13: Devastation

**No Return by crystalnicoleyo**

Chapter 13: Devastation

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.

_A/N: I realize that it has been forty eternities since I last updated this story and I left off the last chapter with a cliffhanger. I am the embodiment of evil, I know. I actually typed up a whole paragraph of excuses, some of them viable, but none of them are important. Truth is I lost my mojo for this story, and I'm having a hard time getting it back. If any of you have some ideas or encouragement I'm listening. In my absence I have been trying to write. I've visited this chapter at least a thousand times. I have a great amount of the next few chapters written and outlined but I just can't seem to get there. Alas, I hope that some of you (if anyone is still around) will enjoy this chapter and will have some ideas as to where I need to go with this. Thanks, love you all!_

**Jacob's POV**

The sky showed very little promise of a beautiful day with thick, layered clouds stretching across the horizon and covering the earth in absolute smoke gray. If my watch hadn't said differently, I'd swear that nightfall was near. As it was, it was not yet noon. I sighed looking out the second story window of my contracting office, noting that even in the depressing darkness of cloud cover Astoria was a picture perfect town. It was the type of place that people dreamed of raising families: quiet, humble, almost motionless. Sundays were slow here as evidenced by the vacant street outside. The only movement came from the massive Oaks as the wind passed through the branches. Other than the church bells, no other sounds had penetrated into my tiny office from the outside world. This office was my sanctuary most days. It seemed odd to me that I had come to find haven here among the plastered walls of this old building.

As my troubles seemed to envelop me and the sun refused to cooperate, I began thinking past my immediate problems. I had always found it easier for me to clear my head in the sunshine. Everything seemed to make better sense when the sky was bright. Part of the allure of living in Oregon was the pleasant weather. I hadn't really missed the rain in Washington. In fact, the only thing I missed about Washington was Bella's smile. She seemed to have left it behind when we moved. Of course, my family and friends were there, but I hadn't lost touch with them and they were just a car ride away. I truly felt like I personally hadn't sacrificed anything by moving. But Bella, I was certain, felt differently.

I knew she was only patronizing me by moving here. The idea hadn't appealed to her but she saw how important this endeavor was to me and it was her nature to be supportive. I had hoped that she would be won over by the charm of this place, and that her life here could be just as happy as it was in La Push. Unfortunately, she still had yet to find our new home redeemable. Of course she kept up the facade but I knew her far too well.

We seemed to be drifting, and I could only blame myself. It was too hard to be near her and know how miserable she was, and even still to know I was the underlying source of that misery. It was easier to throw myself into my work and do something good, and not feel like the failure I felt when I was home. Her disappointment never came out in words, but her unintentional signals of unhappiness were clear, destroying me every second that I had to endure her false cheerfulness.

I propped my elbows on my desk and rested my face in my palms. I had hoped that a quiet office would benefit me but the silence was maddening. Time seemed to crawl by and I was no closer to the answers I needed. The decisions I was continually faced with seemed to be a vicious undercurrent pulling me below the surface no matter which way I turned. I had to admit that Councilman Black had a nice ring to it. The challenge, the prestige, the opportunity….it was all very enticing. It was a challenge that I certainly wanted to take on. But the truth of my resolution to stay in Astoria had more to do with protecting Bella and Arden and our unborn baby.

Bella didn't want to stay any longer than necessary, and with my contract soon expiring I knew she was eager to return to La Push. She had been unhappy here since day one. I was definitely conflicted as my wife's happiness, and my family's needs were overwhelming reasons to move back. I wanted to be there for my father and Sue, and as time passed by I knew they would soon need me to be closer. Billy's health had always been a grave concern, and perhaps under different circumstances, I would have gladly moved home to be with my father in his last years, maybe even months. But my mind was set on staying in Astoria. My decision, no matter how selfish it seemed, was based on keeping my family together and not my own personal gain. The timing of the offer was perfect fate. I could risk appearing self-centered and insensitive to save my family. I had no choice but to push myself away from Washington. I needed distance from my heritage, my lineage and my perfect excuse to do so just fell into place.

I don't know what set things into motion or when the magic moment was. I'm not sure if the catalyst was important. Perhaps it was the Cullen's return to Bella's life, after all those bloodsuckers were responsible for this problem the first time around and they had caused irreparable damage to our relationship. Even more than their return was Bella's insistence on accepting them back with open arms without giving it a second thought. I was terribly reserved by her foolish reception of them and anger doesn't begin to describe my feelings for her erratic behaviors. For the time now, I had bigger worries and I saw no immediate danger to Bella, considering Edward didn't seem to be among them. I owed a great debt of service to Carlisle, he saved Bella's life, my life.

I knew somewhere in the world they existed; I hadn't erased the possibility from my mind entirely. But perhaps it was just their proximity. Out of sight, out of mind. Either way, I was changing, my temperament at first and then the inability to control my anger, my outbursts. I could sense something was different yet oddly familiar. Denial has a way of fooling the mind, and logicality seemed to go out the window. I had rationalized that stress had me on edge, and it was a sound argument, given the events of the last few weeks. But at La Push, it happened. My father had me so upset with his stubborn, unwilling mindset and unwillingness to listen to reason. I was fighting a losing battle with him. Didn't he care if he lived? Didn't he care about his family? And then there was Bella, far away from me in the clutches of the vilest of creatures. I could no longer control the urge and barely kept the secret hidden from my reservation family. I barely got passed the trees before I had completely phased into my shape shifting form. It had been years since my body changed like that. How was it even possible? I was far past the age of transformation. But sure as the stars hung in the sky that night, I became a four legged beast with enough power to rip steal with my teeth.

As shocked as I was to be transformed into my giant wolf self, it all felt very natural. The way the ground moved beneath the pads of my feet, the way howls roared from inside me. But with the familiar beast from my past came responsibility. Something strange was happening, and I had no idea how to counter it. The person I wanted to be and the person I was had collided, and it was left up to fate to see which one would win. I didn't want to think of the ramifications of returning to a shape shifter. I'd quit aging for one and I'd really be no use as a father and husband because my duty would be to my tribe. I roamed the forests and mountains as if I was meant to be that creature, and I was truly grateful that my mind was silent. I was almost certain that I was the only one of my former pack to have a revival of my former gift. At least that night no one else was in beast form. My mind was set to stay as far away from the reservation as possible.

It all seemed so overwhelming and in addition to that our baby was coming and I remembered all too well the risk of losing my wife. I couldn't even allow my mind to resurrect the memories of the doctor's warning just after Arden was born. If something happened to my sweet wife, I wasn't sure I could exist. It was unbearable to go an entire day without her laugh or her touch. And then Arden, that precious perfect child could not grow up without her mother. If Bella were gone, Arden would be different. I had lost my own mother and I knew firsthand how much of a change it was. How much of myself I lost when my mother passed.

There were changes coming. I could feel it in the air. The water rapids raged and I had to remain focused to keep floating. My former being was creeping in on my current one, and as proud as I was of my past I needed for it to be just that….my past. The funny thing about our past is that it's always there, it's always a part of us and I wasn't sure how long I could outrun it or if I could outrun it at all.

I was futilely searching for answers and tired of coming up empty handed. I locked up my office and headed for the parking lot across the street. My mind was too clouded to process much and my search was simple-a change of scenery. No sooner had I stepped out of the glass doors in the front entrance than I heard the sirens. The noise was foreign and out of place. The world from outside my window was peaceful, tranquil. Moments ago this little town lie perfectly still. It seemed unfathomable that something would dare disrupt such serenity. A swarm of speeding emergency vehicles went by only adding to the urgency of the immediate situation. My ears picked a faint scream somewhere in the distance. My mind had been set to just drive, maybe down to the ocean, or the pier. I had wanted to regroup and think, but something else took control and I found myself downtown in complete bedlam. I stopped abruptly when the road before me was closed off with overturned vehicles and fallen trees. Although I had been less than a mile away I had not been aware of the madness happening. There was no warning. No alert. It was almost like a scene from a movie. Maybe any minute I'd wake up after falling asleep at my desk and realize that this destruction was a dream.

My feet carried me carefully through the street. The vehicles looked evacuated. The row of tall buildings that once looked like a scene from a postcard had fallen into shambles of debris on the ground. The entire block was covered in remnants of brick, concrete and metal. The devastation was apparent but the source I had yet to discover. Earthquake, tornado? Whatever had taken out main street Astoria had done so with a vengeance. City hall sat in ruin. My eyes even in their superhuman strength could not take in the entire scene. To my left were the ruined city hall had once sat in a glorious stature, was a line of police officers receiving instructions. Search and rescue, I thought.

On my right I could see past the tiny city park, the wooden benches that lined the sidewalk were gone. No doubt they were now mere splinters somewhere among the chaotic wreckage. Three fire trucks were lined up on the side street and the fireman hooked up a long hose to the fire hydrant, miraculously still standing. I hadn't even noticed a fire, and I looked past the trucks to see that an apartment complex was smoking in the distance a few streets over, were even more fire trucks sat with blaring lights. The devastation was not contained to this area and I took in the expanse of the city to see that destruction had hit everything within a few miles at least. In the few seconds that had passed something familiar triggered in my brain and immediate panic started to flood me. Bella. I had no idea where she was exactly. I reached into my pocket to grab my phone, but it wasn't there. I searched and the last place I recalled seeing it was on the kitchen counter this morning just before I left. I had no idea if she was alright or hurt. If she was somewhere among all of this she would no doubt be trying to reach me. I turned back to the spot where I had left my car, realizing that I'd never be able to make it back out. The file of emergency vehicles, and news crews had the only surviving street blocked off. I moved further west on foot, hoping to find a working phone. Utility lines seemed to be down everywhere and it was apparent that the power was out all over the town. The sky was still dark, just as it had been earlier. I cursed under my breath and kept walking.

"Sir," a voice from behind called out. It was faint, and it took a few seconds to register that it was calling to me. I turned abruptly, my eyes falling on a young boy about twelve. His face was black with debris and his right eye was swollen and blood stained. His lip trembled and tears escaped silently down his face. Immediately, I ran to his side.

"What's wrong?" I asked. The question seemed almost ridiculous given the state of emergency we were in, but I had no idea how else to ask it. It would seem that he had a greater problem than just the current crisis, a problem that no doubt was subjective to the destruction of the city, but a graver problem nonetheless.

"My mom and sister," he began explaining, his words hardly audible. I noticed the inside of his mouth was bloody, making it hard for him to speak.

"Where were you?"

"At the picnic table." He pointed into the general direction of nothing. Several uprooted trees and a massive wall of concrete sat in the spot he was pointing to. I recalled that a baseball field was located in the spot.

"I'll go look for them." I recalled an ambulance about a block over and I gave the boy general directions and told him to go get help. My mind went into hyper drive searching for the child's mother and sister. As I got closer to the spot where he had pointed my stomach was in knots. I had no idea what I might see. This stranger-child-was depending on me. With ease I pushed some bushes from the path and hopped over a large tree root. "Hello," I called out. Nothing. I pushed a few yards forward. A mound of bricks and shingles that had once been a restroom facility and concession stand now lined the grass. "Hello," I called out a little more anxious.

I listened carefully. Human ears could have never heard past the sirens and the sound of chaos, but I made out a faint moan. I moved closer by a few paces and the sound intensified from underneath a wall of metal siding and rubbish. I began quickly lifting the pieces of metal and digging until I found a human arm. It was warm. I gently moved closer to uncover the rest of what appeared to be the child's mother.

"My name is Jacob. I'm here to help you. Can you hear me?"

"Yes," she replied weakly. Her bloody face alternated between fear and relief. "What is your name?"

"Tracy," she whispered.

"Tracy, do you know what happened?" I asked. She hesitated as if she was struggling to think, to remember.

"The wind was so heavy. We were going to run back to the car." She stopped, out of breath, and I noticed a warm stream of blood coming from her nose.

"We were swept up and that's the last…" she trailed off again, unable to continue. It must have been a tornado, I determined. Where was the warning? No one had seen this coming? Normally, storms like this were tracked by meteorologists and experts. This tornado seemed to have hit without any caution.

I assessed Tracy and surmised that she seemed stable enough to be carried from the street. I moved her gently into my arms.

"Where's Addie?" she asked, her voice the loudest I had heard.

"Is that your daughter?"

"Yes, where is she?" She was overcome with panic now and began fidgeting.

"I'm going to find her. Be still."

I sprinted with Tracy in my arms. I didn't have any reason to be careful or remain undetected. This woman could possibly die from these injuries. As we made it back to the clearing in the street, the child and a paramedic were rounding the corner. The paramedic met us in the street and I gently positioned her onto the yellow board he was carrying and he got to work.

"I'm going to look for your sister, ok," I told the child.

I found a simpler route into the ball field and was back in the general area in just a few seconds. My emotions ranged from fear, to control, to anger, and to terror. I called out several times and heard nothing. At the far corner of the field, past the bricks and rubbish I could see an overturned metal picnic table dropped about fifty yards from its point of origin. I ran with bullet speed to discover a little girl, the same size as Arden, clutching to the metal post connecting the bench to the table.

"Honey, I'm here to help you," I called to her.

"I want my mommy." She was terrified but looked otherwise unharmed.

"It's okay. I know where she is. I'll take you."

Her sobs broke out and my heart seemed shattered at the catastrophe she had just gone through. I silently thanked God that my little girl was nowhere among this as she wasn't supposed to be home until later. The paramedic was still diligently attending to Tracy, she was bandaged and now hooked up to an IV, but by all indications was going to be fine. The family was reunited and for a moment I felt ecstatic. Although, the scars from the trauma of the day would remain with them forever they would have a happy ending.

"Sir, thank you," the little boy said. He let go of his mother's hand long enough to give me a hug.

"You're welcome."

The paramedic shook my hand. "Good work, you saved a life today."

I nodded. "I need to go. I've got to find my wife," I said.

"Thank you," Tracy said with a feeble voice. I touched her hand and she gave me a light squeeze. I waved goodbye to the family of strangers and hoped that they would soon be able to overcome this day.

The chaos was still raging, but the streets seemed to be filling with people being rescued and of course their brave rescuers. Not every scene was as happy as the one I had just left. It seemed that this storm had claimed its share of casualties as body after body was carried from the disaster in black bags. I passed a news reporter interviewing a survivor who was given a rather colorful description of the events. I walked with a different determination but was still on edge. I needed to know that Bella was safe. The damage was still undetermined I had heard someone say and shock seemed to be the biggest emotion flowing from the scene.

I couldn't get past the urgency of this storm. No warning, absolutely unpredicted and as quick as it came it disappeared. My mind was a whir of thoughts but as I walked-with no real destination in mind-the streets of destruction soon passed and a calmer, stiller Astoria was just ahead. I'm not sure what was leading me and then I stopped short, my feet like concrete to the ground. Behind me was the scene of devastation and before me was the scene of normalcy. The only thing out of place was the burning in my nose. The sensation of smell so strong, so sweet, that it was unmistakable. Vampire. I trembled as the assault lingered. My natural enemy was somewhere close by, and with that thought reprieve flooded me far greater than the stench of leech was the sweet scent of Bella. She was somewhere close by.


End file.
